Is it always this personal on Mumsnet?

[musica]

I've been posting here for about a month and a half, and for the first few weeks I thought it was great - everyone seemed so friendly and supportive of each other, and even when people disagreed it was with a humourous However, over the last couple of weeks, more and more threads seem to be concluding with someone saying "I won't be posting here anymore" - please tell me this is unusual - it's so sad that so many people seem to be feeling they have to leave because of what others have said personally to them.

madonna can't be aloha because she said she is an atheist and then said that 'none of this was true'

I would NEVER flounce off in a strop and change my nickname! That is soooooooo childish!

I said I wouldn't do this but.... I am suffering very badly from insomnia (as you can see from time of posting) and have finished a book so logged on here out of nosiness even though I knew I shouldn't. I wouldn't have posted except I do have to say that I'm not Madonna (splendid though she may be). I'm not so desperate to be back that I'd post under another name. However, (and I'm not sure this is of interest to anyone) I am still going to try and stay away from the site for a while. It's not just a strop (though I'm certainly prone to them ), but more that I started to feel permanently on the defensive about everything I do, particularly my work, which I happen to enjoy and be proud of, but which clearly made me a bad person in the eyes of some folk (though, ironically, I've also seen some of my stuff praised on a couple of different threads here which was an unexpected pleasure). I think it was the gloomy experience of posting a self-deprecating post only to have it thrown back in my face with a little extra insult thrown in for good measure that finished me off. Yes, I met extremely interesting people here and had some fantastic discussions. Like everyone I've enjoyed seeing babies born, tired anxious new mums becoming old hands and doling out brilliant advice themselves, and people telling hilarious anecdotes. Of course Mumsnet is a wonderful resource for those awful'is my baby normal?' moments. But I have spent far too much time posting when I should have been working/watering the garden/emailing or calling my real-life friends/being with my husband. It stopped being a good part of of my life particularly because I found I was far too affected by the opinions of people I'd never met. It was actually pretty stressful and depressing at times and I can't believe I'm the only person who ever felt that. I'm sure I won't be able to stop myself from logging on from time to time just to see what everyone's up to, as it is ridiculously tough to go cold turkey. The thread about being addicted to Mumsnet was spot on, as this post proves. I'm taking it one day at a time and shall be interested to see how I get on without Mumsnet. I know I shall miss it far more than I will be missed. I suppose what I'm really trying to say at such tedious length is that I wanted to leave in a less abrupt way and ungrateful way. Bye bye.

Oh, Aloha - . I've missed your posts very much and to judge by the reaction to Madonna's posts when people thought she was you, (or you were her, or something!) you have been missed by plenty of folk. As you have been adversely affected by some of the posts you must of course do as you think best for your own happiness but we don't all share the same opinions that are sometimes voiced here. FWIW, I'm currently reading a book by the late James Cameron and am admiring it as much for the quality of his journalism as for the tale he is relating. Oh dear, I'm waffling now, but I hope one day you'll feel able to join in again and I for one would welcome that day.

Don't like when things get too heated but on the whole if we all had the same opinions then Mumsnet wouldn't work!

Aloha, I'm devestated (so much so I can't spell right any more) you have really seriously left us, hope you pop back long enough to know how missed you are. Your posts have always been such a pleasure to read.

However, do know what you mean, have found myself just getting too emotionally involved when frankly I should be working/playing/etc. I'm trying to lurk more than post and not get too twitchy if I don't check every day. Sigh. Life is never perfect, is it?

My 13 yr old ds came up tp me yesterday and said, "mom are you on there again"? "why do you always get on that sight"? It made me feel like I was becoming total nut case to him. Like Aloha, I myself had become affected by a few different threads in the past that I participated in but I managed to continue to stay on the sight. I got so stressed that I told myself do I really want to be this freaked out over the internet? I'm fine now it just took some time to go by for me to get over it. I do really injoy this sight though.

I too have ended up hating myself if I've spent a few hours on mumsnet when phone calls, chores and work commitments are piling up. And I'm sure I'm not the only one to see the irony of it: logging on here means logging off real time family life.

I try to get up early to post before my children are up and offices and shops are open for business. Makes me feel less guilty.

So what am I doing on mumsnet at 12.00 pm? Well my son is at nursery (first day), so I am indulging myself.

Addicts always find a reason don't they?

As for the threads getting too personal, well yes, some do, and I feel really sad when people are misread or feel they have to leave. Aloha hope you are reading this.

I hate sounding too bland - I'm not an argumentative type - but I do try to hold an opinion or two on here when I can. But you know, despite all the discussion on, say, MMR or christianty, I'm all the wiser thanks to you lot, but still haven't got a firm opninon.

I really envy posters who are strong in their beliefs and so much enjoy reading their posts.

Tinker can I tell that you used to be M*?

Oops, I've just read this and feel a bit guilty now! I can be accused of sometimes winding people up, but only in a lighthearted way. I have contributed to the veggie thread in a joking fashion, but am aware that some people do tend to have a sense of humour failure at times. It does annoy me though when you are having a laugh with a Mumsnetter who has different views, and then from no-where someone will come on and start laying into you, taking deep offence at remarks you have not made to them. I usually tend to ignore them and then in a couple of days you'll see the whole thread erupt, a couple of days after that the apologies start. I can't say it's ever bothered me though, no-one is intentionally rude and I think we get to know one another better on these occasions. I have great respect for some people who have had the guts to air their controversial views and opinions. It's what makes Mumsnet so good, we don't want to talk about babies all the time do we?

Aloha, just to let you know that I'm one of the people who've found your posts enlightening and entertaining. And because our babies are so close in age, I've benefited from your experiences many times (although your DS sounds much better behaved than mine!). I know what you mean about Mumsnet being addictive - I check this site not once but many times a day! I didn't read the thread where somebody insulted you, but had the feeling Mumsnet was getting increasingly "personalised" with a few people heading towards outright inflammatory. The problem is that it's not just strangers - we've formed a real community, with the need to treat one another as people we really do know. So please don't go for good! I'm not sure how we solve the problem of not enough hours in the day to go Mumsnetting and look after our babies and do some work at the same time - but hopefully we can find the right balance.

Yesterday was a bad day so I decided to be a troll for a while. When the first person suggested I was aloha I decided to agree. It seemed likely ?aloha? was someone who had been posting for a while but wanted to hide their identity when posting aggressively. If that was the case ?she? would still be here under another name, would not enjoy what was happening and would admit to being here still. But I?m not aloha. Some of Aloha?s postings have increased the level of aggression on the site. I don?t admire aggressive postings or those who encourage them. Not saying if I have or haven?t been aggressive on occasion but I don?t admire it. I?d like to apologise to jbr - I?m afraid even my patience with you wore thin but I know you?ve had problems and I should have stuck to other threads.

This is an addictive site but it can also become a substitute for what is really important in life. So I am going to spend more time with my family for a while and give mumsnet a rest (after one last quick trip round). Or am I? I can change my name easily so maybe I?m lying again. Clever Tinker to spot the giveaway ? but was I lying when I said I was lying, am I lying now?

Am I trying to make a serious point or just being a pest? ? Even if someone appears at a mumsnet meeting claiming to be me will they be real or just someone who?s realised I won?t be there? What is the meaning of life and does the world cease to exist when I close my eyes?

I am now very confused.

glad it's not just me, ionesmum

crikey this is getting really strange - and i just thought it was a good outlet for information and advice about being a parent!

on another point about using Mumsnet - i log on quite a few times during the days i work but usually just to read - i only post occassionally but have found it very helpful in the passed. Someone at work today turned round and asked me about it - at first i thought she was looking at it and had realised it was me (not very good nickname!) but then she had no children so obviously not. she had just seen me looking at it on my screen as unfortunately it faces into the office. have to admit i was fairly horrified that she had been nosing at my screen but being the very polite sort didnt say anything. she only wanted to ask about it and thought it was a good idea. but really i should have said something to her shouldn't i?? will have to be more careful in future!

Sorry but I'm going to get aggressive now! I love mumsnet and have contributed for the past two years now, but not on anything heated (I don't think!) But my poor addled brain cannot work out what Madonna is on about, what JBR was on about at Rhubarb etc. Is somebody else pretending to be JBR as shes normally not like that (I don't think ?). Why are people pretending to be trolls or another mumsnetter? Also Aloha is fab and just does a job and I cannot understand why people are being nasty to her? ( Shall I just add another 'I don't think' here??!!)Please don't go Rara, Aloha and anyone else thinking of doing ditchers.

Just backtracking to speak to Batters: he was tired but happy. He went in a toddler and came out a little boy.

CAM - what DO you mean??????????????

I think soemone is conducting an experiment now, to see how we all react!

I am very confused about all of this - but I would like to say that I have become a Mumsnet addict logging on several times a day.

This is a fantastic website for impartial advice (Aloha - you will be missed) and I hope that it stays that way.

Think I should go off and think of a more original name incase I ever think of anything controversial to write - to be honest, nappy brain prevents me from doing much more than ask for advice these days. Maybe I will be able to contribute to more exciting topics when I can stay in bed beyond 5.30am!!!

What about 'Brian'?

Aloha, not all alcoholics need to go cold turkey to get over their addiction. Some can happily have the occasional social drink.
I hope to see you posting here from time to time.
Your posts were always of a high quality.
I bet you are really good at your job.

I'm confused too, I've not read any personal or insulting messages on Mumsnet and I visit most of the threads! I also didn't read what Jbr put, but I wouldn't be offended as I do know that Jbr tends to speak her mind and often says things without thinking. She can also be very witty. I hate it when people change their nicknames, you don't know where you stand with them then. Aloha has been on for a while now and I haven't read any nasty messages from her at all. If someone has taken her nickname it's a very evil thing to do and I hope tech can sort it out.

Why do we have to resort to riddles and disguises? It's not fair on those of us who have huge respect for Mumsnet and other Mumsnetters and who have found wisdom and consolation on these boards. The bereavement thread and Thomas's Story all make me proud to be a Mumsnetter and it's threads like these that may help other mums going through other similar times. Are we going to let a few trolls spoil what we have here? Let's be honest everyone and no more games, it's all very silly.

I have no idea what's going on. Maybe there are trolls about, may be not. What I am certain about is that I don't need this right now, I've been feeling wound up about it all evening and have had enough. I've decided to stop coming here as it's just too much atm.

I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who's helped me in the last few months, I've really appreciated it. Also to Aloha I'm sorry I confused you with the troll! I've also enjoyed alll the different discussions about religion and other controversial subjects and do aplolgise if I've been at all opinionated. There are some terrific people here and I wish you all well.

If this is the reaction that the troll wants then they've got it.

PLease can someone from mumsnet sort out who is trolling? I know we're silly to let it get to us but, hey, that's what being a knackered old mum is like sometimes. I've been in a right old mood for the past 2 days, not helped by getting wound up by what I thought was at least a legitimate point on another thread, which was then sorted out in a civilised way. Now all this troll business is getting really tedious. All I know is that I really DO have a dd who's just turned 1, I really HAVE enjoyed being a part of mumsnet and learning a lot from it over the last 12 months . Carrie, Justine, Rachel, you must be able to identify who's being such a malicious git, esp as they seem to be using someone's else's nickname (can they do this?) God knows... Now I really AM going off to find real life for a while.