*warning* upsetting content (advice about dead body)

[loopykay]

I really don't want to upset and offend anyone so please don't read any further if that is possible.

My Dad died 5 weeks ago, the funeral is this week. I've just received a call from the funeral directors saying it's best not to view him beforehand because he has deteriorated a lot. I'm really upset as I feel I need to see him.

Should my Dad of been preserved more than this? He is 79 and thin but I'd of expected him to be preserved It's really upsetting.

You poor thing. When my grandmother died the funeral director asked me if I wanted to view her body. I chose not to but my parents did and it upset them so much that they sat us down and said that when their time comes there is to be no viewing. They have also written this into their funeral plans.
I can't understand fully how you feel as I'm not in your situation but is it that you feel upset to have had the choice taken away from you?. I hope you find some comfort from the experiences here that maybe it is for the best.

I am so sorry. My Dad died recently and they offered us embalming and explained all about it. My mum said she didn't want to see him so it didn't matter but as I did want to see him we paid for it. I saw him nearly 2 weeks later and for me it was the right thing to do. I needed to see him. He had suffered so much and for a long time hadn't looked like him and in his last few days I hated seeing him like that, it wasn't him. I needed to see him at peace, and I did. His smile wasn't quite him but he looked calm and happy and peaceful and for me that has changed my final moments memory of him. BUT had they suggested it would be best if I didn't see him then I would have taken their advice. I wouldn't recommend it in that case. I was lucky I think in that for me it has provided the peace I needed but it might well not have done that. For now I wouldn't worry about why it wasn't offered, I would get through the next few weeks and then address that with the funeral directors when you feel ready, don't add that to your pain at the minute. take care of yourself x

Sorry to read this.
We had the same when my Mum died, also around Christmas. Everything was delayed, starting with getting the death certificate issued which then had a knock on effect, delaying everything else. Plus more people die in the winter months so there was a long wait for a Crematorium slot to be available. It was awful. I really feel for you.
I would follow the funeral director's advice though. I didn't view my Mum's body. I am a doctor who has seen many bodies in many different conditions so it wasn't that I was afraid or squeamish but I didn't want my memories of her to be tainted by my last sight of her to be of someone that wasn't truly "her" any more. Especially as it was so long since she died. Rather I preferred to remember her as she was when I last saw her alive, and even more so, of how she was when she was well. I would focus on the funeral now. Maybe use some photos to help you remember your Dad in happy times, and imagine him that way.
I agree with the advice of talking to the funeral director's at a later date. Focus on getting through the funeral and honouring your Dad's memory that way for now. Take care.

@vadam embalming is only a temporary thing (Few days to a week) unless the body is going to be used in like a museum display, even then it’s not permanent and gives a different look, so wouldn’t be for viewing by the family, too as they need to use more/stronger chemical concentrations to preserve it.

Embalming will not be done unless specifically asked for. Many people choose woodland burials and biodegradable coffins nowadays unless they are cremated.

I saw both parents, my mother in law and my husband after they died, husband died at home while I was there anyway. They all looked very peaceful but they had not long been dead.

It's a very sad business for you op but you will get through. You may find the funeral healing and funeral guests are usually very kind.

the funeral home is very experienced, and if they have offered an opinion of not to view body, then I would be inclined to trust their judgement

As suggested, for me this would be the crux of it. Those of us not used to seeing death sometimes find the idea of a body disturbing - frightening, even - but of course funeral directors see this all the time

So if their guidance is to "remember them as they were" I'd tend to think there's a very good rason for that

My DH and his brother chose to view their father's body before the funeral. The funeral directors hadn't advised whether to or not.
My DH said he wished he hadn't because he described him as having a 'greenish tinge'.
He now wishes he had decided to remember him as he was.

I would definitely heed the advice you have been given by the funeral directors.

I went to see my Dad today. I wasn't horrified or upset by how he looked. I knew I would regret not going so I decided I would. I'm so glad I did, it almost felt a privilege. It gave me a feeling of closure. Peace.

Obviously I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. It's such a personal choice.

@loopykay
I’m glad for you that it went ok. I found the same, it was very comforting. Hopefully you will also find the funeral another source of comfort and that you have good people around you.