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Original poster

HELP, Ex DP gone mad over child maintenance

26 replies

IrisMurdoch · 23/08/2007 09:55

If anyone can help, I'd be so grateful.
My dp and I are splitting up. We have sold our London flat.
He earns five times what I earn because I work part time ( I am a Mum!!).
He is saying that he is going to get a mortgage on his own but that if I get a mortgage using his financial contributions then he has to own part of my new home as well...
He says child maintenance is for 'the child' not for me to buy property with!!! I fail to see how buying a flat for my ds and I to live in isn't for 'the child' and think secretly he is being spiteful.
He suggests I rent. I would rather buy as my ds is going to school in a year.
I could afford a mortgage with his financial contributions, but not on my salary alone.
Does it make any difference at all what I do with the child maintenance, in the eyes of the law? Does he have any control? Really grateful for any advice, so worried....

OP posts:
potoroo · 23/08/2007 10:07

That does not sound right to me - you definitely need legal advice. Hopefully someone else will be along to advise soon.

jellyjelly · 23/08/2007 10:08

He has no control over what ypu do on this at all.

I use my maintenance for what i want sometimes its for the mortgage othertime school fees.

He will not own your house.

Try and post on the lone parent site too.

ConnorTraceptive · 23/08/2007 10:09

think he is talking out his arse tbh seek legal advice or contact citizen's advice. i don't think child maintenance would be classed as income when applying for a mortgage so it is irrelevent really.

EscapeFrom · 23/08/2007 10:10

i don't think he has any more control over what you do with the money he owes you than you have over what time he eats lunch - ie, NONE.

Dropdeadfred · 23/08/2007 10:10

Putting a roof over your child's head is perfectly reasonable. He couldn't do anything even if you were spending it on lottery tickets and cigarettes.

jellyjelly · 23/08/2007 10:18

it can come under income including child benefit/tax credits etc is income

aloha · 23/08/2007 10:22

He's being an arse. By law he has to give you money for his child, but of course he has no say whatseover what you do with it. It's YOUR money to spend as YOU see fit.
Was he always this controlling?
How have you split the flat proceeds btw?

jellyjelly · 23/08/2007 10:25

have you changed over your child benefit to YOUR account. If not (this is what happened to me - ex cleared out account and they could not claw back the amount from the joint account, you can also get this paid weekly if you need it to)it will still go into the account and he cna get the money and you will be able to do nothing.

Have you checked/called gingerbread they are a free company and they will provide you with so much help but call as soon as they open or they wont be able to help you. They were my saving grace as it were when i split much better than cab as they know the hassells that come with being a single parent.

babywhiting · 23/08/2007 10:26

hi IMHO this is something you need to talk through with a good solicitor i have found out alot of things such as when seperating you are entitled to parts of his pensions , all the furniture and things inside your sold flat and also when he does pay maintenance this does not become part of your income, therefore he has no control over anything you do whether it is a house you buy or a brand new sportscar!!!!!!!! just as long as the kids have what they need thats all that matters!!

lets be honest just because you wont be using his money to buy initial items for the kids, it doesnt mean that you wont be buying them at all!

if he becomes awkward about money then go to the csa straight away as i have found out the hard way too , but keep chasing them al the time and take their name every phone call.

i hope this helps and i've not run on to much!!
tc x

newlifenewname · 23/08/2007 10:30

How ridiculous - once he pays you the money you do what you need with it. To look at it another way, you spend the money you would have spent on food and heat and light and clothes for your ds on the mortgage and then spend his contribution on the clothes, light, heat and food - simple

However, I would not personally risk the security of a mortgage on maintenance contributions as they are about the least dependable form of 'income' going.

Tinkerbel5 · 23/08/2007 10:58

IrisMurdoch he wont own part of your house what you will be buying, but dont rely on maintenace for something like paying a mortgage cause if something happened and your lost the maintenance for any reason you might not be able to afford it on your own wages, maintenance should be viewed as a bonus that isnt to be relied upon.

whatsgoingonnow · 23/08/2007 11:02

couldnt he offer to pay the mortgage on your new house instead of paying you maintenance?

thats what we do with my ex.

whatsgoingonnow · 23/08/2007 11:03

oops just read the threads before mine, ok it may not be wise, but we do it!

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 23/08/2007 11:06

Thank you all so much for taking the time to post. I feel much better now...
Ex dp being really weird and mean about money which I find extraodinary. Why would you not want a secure roof over your son's head? I think he's bitter about the breakup and perhaps feels that money is the last control he's got.
When we first talked about splitting up, he went on about the 'free money' I would be getting. Horrible. I've more than paid my way, too, contributing a massive chunk of my salary to the mortgage, paying bills etc.
We have split the proceeds of the flat 50/50 as we agreed we would in the case of a breakup. He's bitter about that too now as he put in more deposit than me. He doesn't think about the fact that my salary has halved since the baby whereas his has doubled (we're in same field), cos I've been PT for 3 years...
He even talked about going for joint custody at the beginning so that he would have to pay me less child maintenance.
He's now negotiated a four day week at work so that he can have ds for a day and a night per week (as well as alternate weekends) - to pay me less money not so he can spend time with ds!!!!
Am looking forward to my new, single life!!!!

OP posts:
whatsgoingonnow · 23/08/2007 11:07

hope it all goes ok for you

cece · 23/08/2007 11:12

I might be wrong but if you have custody I think you are entitled to more than 50%of the house. I think you need to see a good solicitor fast.

UCM · 23/08/2007 11:12

TBH I can't see a lender taking into consideration maintenance payments anyway. They might ask if you have any other regular money coming in but if it's your name on the mortgage and he doesn't live with you, he doesn't have one single claim on that property. He is talking the proverbial bollox imo. Are you putting down a sizable deposit as the bank will obviously look favourably on you if you are and then if you are working there should be tax credits. Again the lender will not take them into consideration but if he doesn't give you any money for a period of time, will make some of your money up I think.

Hurlyburly · 23/08/2007 11:15

Please see a solicitor asap. This is not my field but as far as I know you have already agreed to something which is giving up on part of your entitlement. Don't for goodness' sake be led by him any more. He's got his own financial interests at heart, not yours.

aloha · 23/08/2007 11:19

It's different as they weren't married. If the ownership is in joint names, he will be entitled to half.

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 23/08/2007 11:20

UGM - I don't have a sizeable deposit - just 10%. And my salary would get me a studio flat in London.
I need ex dp's financial support to get a decent mortgage, it's not looking too good. Very annoying that he can buy himself a nice pad immediately (he's just had a very big pay rise)and I will be renting forever...Also very annoying that this isn't a problem for him!!!Ds is starting school in a year, I hate the idea of being kicked out by a landlord and having to find a new home.

OP posts:
aloha · 23/08/2007 11:35

Do you know how much he earns? He has to pay you 15% of his net salary as child maintenance. If he earns more than £2K a week, you can apply to the court for more.

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 23/08/2007 11:44

Aloha - I know how much he is due to earn - he is about to start a very good new job. That 15% would pay my mortgage!
I've just contacted a family solicitor and arranged an appointment. Fingers crossed, we can reach an amicable agreement when he gets 'free money' out of his head and takes responsibility for his ds.
Thank you to everyone for your advice/support. Mumsnet rocks.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 23/08/2007 21:48

Good luck Iris....let us know how you get on.

12lbnaturally · 23/08/2007 21:51

I would never count on getting maintenance payments to get a mortgage. Absent parents can be so unreliable with payments........

12lbnaturally · 23/08/2007 21:53

Is the CSA still functioning? All the time he is agreeable to paying you will be okay, but if he starts defaulting you may have a hell of a job getting money out of him.

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