Slagging Off The Childcare Gurus

[susanmt]

I'll not start it, I just created the thread!!

I've noticed loads of duff advice in the Stoppard books e.g. not tucking babies in which is totally opposite to the FSIDS advice. And I'm not keen on Janet Balaskas or whatever her name is, I did all her b**y exercises and still had a caesarian! At least GF has some nuggets of useful info once you get past the 'nanny knows best' style, although I don't follow her routines.

On the plus side, I like Elizabeth Pantley (v. American but just what I need right now) and the Parenttalk books.

oh dear, hope people won't get upset as their favourites are roundly abused!

well, gf-ers are used to it anyway!

Busy thread!

I try not to take notice of anything except when it comes to education of children.

There was a so-called expert (a man of course) on the radio the other day telling women not to work if there children are younger than 5 and slagging off the radio presenter because he worked from home when his children were born and his wife stayed in her job.

As it was the BBC, I don't think the presenter could say what he really thought of this so-called expert from some crappy family organisation. It was getting very heated though.

I really cannot stand anyone from the Fulltimemothers organisation. The name is bad enough. I do not like Melissa Hill either.

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I really need to go to bed. I'm making mistakes.

I actually prefer the bossy ones to the earth-mother ones - I feel less patronised!I CANNOT stand that wishy-washy, knit your own uterus style of writing (yes Penelope Leach, I do mean you). It has a creepy way of making me feel more inadequate than GF because not only am I not doing things right (a la GF) but I'm not 'feeling' right either. So I'm wrong inside and out. Grrr. At least there were a few things I could take from GF and use (her 'all babies are tired after two hours awake in the morning' tip revolutionised my mornings) even if I jettisoned to rest. But everytime I had a problem I'd read my PL and there was absolutely nothing of any use except her telling me that it was my problem, not my baby's, and therefore I would just have to put up and shut up. Silly cow.

I mean, 'jettisoned THE rest' It's late...

Of course GF doesn't have any children. Can't you tell from the books? I understand she really loves babies, but in a 'but I can give it back in a few weeks' way, and clearly not in the way you love one when it's yours and it's new and leaving it to 'fuss' and 'settle itself' (ie cry its eyes out) for half an hour or more is NOT an option.

SB34, I think the tone of the last post came out wrong. It was meant to be joking, not in any way sneering at you, which I fear is how it read.

Scummymummy - I'm with you on Annabel Karmel. Ps: have you noticed that you never see Jackie Collins and Annabel in the same place at the same time?

I'll probably end up the next one with a right slagging but I just can't take anyone seriously anymore that hasn't had a child themselves. I was all for equality until I had a baby then I suddenly had this kind of awakening (do excuse the trite language- I'm the best part of 2 bottles of rosemount wine to the wind). I thought I was fairly empathetic/sympathetic with parents before I had dd but you really do not know what it's like until you're got one yourself (and that;s not to say adoptive parents can't feel this) but having a child full-time is not the same. Oh do excuse me, I'm blathering. I'll regret this in the morning...I THOUGHT I had a valid point to make - maybe not...

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Another vote for (or should that be against??) GF here. The trouble with her 'content and tone/style' is that it can be disempowering for parents. If a baby refuses to adhere to Ms Ford's rules and regulations some parents, if they are nervous and lacking in confdience, become even less confident and feel they are doing something wrong when that absolutely isn't the case. And her advice on breastfeeding is so out of kilter with the current research.

Apart from Ms Ford (whose book I read because someone passed a copy on to me) the only books I've read in recent years are the NCT book of Pregnancy and Childcare, and Toddler Taming. The NCT book seemed commonsense and user friendly and I didn't finish Toddler Taming because the spine split and all the pages fell out!!

There probably never will be a book that suits everyone, I think, because to me, raising a child is an art, while so many books try to treat it as a science.

Gina Ford has no kids.... and neither does Jean Lidloff the mother/queen of Attachment Parenting... the exact opposing theory to Gina Ford.... goes to show what exactly ???

P.S. GF says she was a maternity nurse to over 300 babies

I feel lucky that I've never read a Gina Ford book!

The one I hate the most is Ferber. His theory of cry-it-out is so extreme that it's insane. Let a baby scream in his crib until he vomits. Then leave the baby laying in the vomit crying until he passes out, then go quietly clean it up so baby doesn't know you've come? Barbaric. Never in my house.

Oh...a bad one: The Ezzos. They base their child-rearing "system" on their experience raising horses. Their advice on physical punishment borders VERY closely on abuse. It's discouraging and frightening how very popular this method is in church parenting classes.

The Pearls: Nearly as bad as the Ezzos, and very similar.

I love Dr. William Sears, and I've just started reading Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution. Let's see if it's really a solution or just another bunch of hooey. I can't wait to see how it works; I'm dying for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep!

Sorry Bloss but I really disagree with you on taking the views of nannies and maternity nurses seriously regarding parenting. Our Nanny has looked after our son for almost 3 years and since he was 5 months old. She is fantastically good at her job but being childless I think she has a very limited understanding of what it is like to raise a family. When she looks after him, she is responsible for him and him alone. No housework, no family cooking and no husband to think about. And at 6pm she drives home to an evening of quiet and solitude and an uniterrupted nights sleep. Of course she also doesn't have to think about providing for our son financially.

OK maternity nurses work 24 hours a day 6 days a week but their average stay is just 6 weeks. For multiple births and those with absent partners I can see they are great but I really dislike the idea. I have had many many friends who have employed maternity nurses and their chief aim is always to get the child to sleep thourgh the night at what to me seems a ridiculously young age. This is usually achieved at the expense of long term breastfeeding. In fact I cannot name one mother who has employed a maternity nurse who has breastfed beyond 3 months although this may reflect on the sort of person who is wealthy enough to afford one in the first place.

Hear Hear ks!

There's several books that have really helped me but all of them have sections that have just made me worried about my own parenting techniques:

Pantley No-cry's - tear-jerking introduction (yeah, it's a great book but her family are way too perfect, just look at that picture!). DH refused to read the book after that intro.

Vicki Iovine Girlfriend's Guide to the First Year - how to interview your paediatrician (Oh god, I'm supposed to interview my doctor? OK, I know things are different in the US, rest of the book made me laugh in a good way)

Suzanne Olivier What to Feed Your Baby - just doesn't mention what to feed your baby when they refuse all those lovely lentils, millet, brown rice etc you provide and so you feel bad when you introduce potatoes earlier than she says! (still use this book as a bible, mind)

Those books Pampers send through at regular details telling you what your child is doing developmentally (my child is NEVER doing what they say), but if you step back they are quite interesting!

And, though I hate to say it because I know lots of people here whose view I respect love her - GF. Made me and dh far too panic-y when we bought it at 3 months. Now referred to as the Fascist Baby Book in our house.

Plus (again I hate to say it here) all those wonderful pro-breastfeeding books that are no help at all when you need to go back to work and baby point blank refuses to take a bottle (that's when I needed advice about breastfeeding most!).

I have to admit to loathing GF, I got her book out from the library recently about toddlers, and swiftly took it back! Also loathe Annabel Karmel, as if being a parent isn't hard enough without having to feel your failing if you don't present your child with shaped food!
I was abit in the dark when I had ds, I truly didn't know there were any books like GF around. I just thought you got on with it and took advice when needed from HV's and family. Worked fine for us.
Someone asked if Penelope Leach has any children, I've never read her books so can't judge her style, but yes, she has 2 sons and I went to school with them. They were very quiet and well behaved from what I remember!

When my son was about 4-5 mnths old I was desperate to wean him off the breast - neither he nor I seemed to enjoy it anymore, though he wouldn't take a bottle either. Anyway, stranded in Manchester not knowing anyone, I turned to the GF book for help & eventually rang her for advice (about £60 for a weeks worth of calls).

I'm not a big fan, but I have to say she was very helpful & came over much more human and considerate in person. And a lot of her ideas worked. I think maybe her tone is all wrong ( and some of her advice as well....)

ks, love Gin a Ford! (How did you get on with the holiday expenses BTW?)

Reading all this stuff I feel very lucky to have avoided so many Awful Experts.

The thing about P Leach, for me, at that time - not sure which book the knit-your-own-uterus comes from, I had Your Baby and Child (?) - was that she explained very well how a child at various stages looks at the world, and what it does and doesn't comprehend, so I was able to avoid some of the mistakes I might have made otherwise because I didn't have anybody else to tell me.

And she is a parent!

Sheila Kitzinger used to do my head in, however, and I wasn't too keen on M Stoppard either. I don't suppose anybody reads Hugh Jolly any more? Or Dr Spock?

Another plus point for old Penelope - she was the first and only expert I ever read who advocated using sleeping bags from as early as poss so they didn't learn how to sling a leg over the side of the cot and climb out and bother you all evening! (She does have some feelings for parents you know!)