My friend said she feels sorry for my kids because they are asked to help out round the house

[nutcracker]

Which made me feel a bit shite.

Dd1 is 9.9, Dd2 7.8 and Ds 4.8 and just recently I have started asking the elder two especially to help out a bit by drying up after lunch (only small amount), getting washing in (again small amount), and doing their own hot choc of a night (only using micro).

I don't always ask them to do it, and alot of the time they offer and even argue over it, but I feel guilty now, especially as my friend said 'and you don't even give them reg pocket money', which is true I don't, when I have it spare they have some, when I don't they don't. They don't expect on reg basis (ie every sat) and so if they don't get it one week it's not a prob.

So, question is, am i the only evil mother who does this ? and should i feel guilty ?

Nutcracker,

Don't let your friend shake your confidence. Giving kids chores teaches them responsibility and helps them mature. If anything I would tell you to give them regular chores.

Giving kids an allowance for cleaning messes they helped make has never made sense to me. If my kids come to me and want to earn money outside of thier chores, I will try and accomadate them.

YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!!
You are doing a good job.

DD (5) helps out round the house but ds (2) is better at putting stuff away than she is. I only ask them to do stuff within their capabilities and I do not do pocket money. Best thing my mum ever did was to get me to do some of the chores round the house. DH's mum did everything for him till he moved in with me and it was an uphill battle to teach him that a fairy does not run round and pick up you dirty washing, wash it, iron it and put it away for you. I am determined that by the time my children are ready to fly the nest they will be able to look after themselves.

Kids need to learn to take part in domestic affairs, and they need to learn that not just mums and women do domestic things, otherwise you are setting them up for trouble later in life!

I have two boys, 5 and 2, and after having to re-educate my man for years prior to marrying him I know what I am talking about.

It started the first night I slept over at his place, he asked me to go to the kitchen and make scrambled eggs for breakfast... WTF?
I said no, it is not my kitchen, I dont even know how to operate that darned gas cooker you have, so he CARRIED me out to the kitchen. So I burnt the eggs and said: Your house, your breakfast next time YOU make it. 4 years later he was suitable for marriage. It IS possible, but hard work, and a lorra lorra love is required to stick through it! It also helps if the man is extremely sexy, fit, and ruggedly handsome

But back to the op, letting your kids do thinkgs for them selves is an extension of letting them help when you are baking, asking them to carry their plates out to kitchen, put their rubbish in the bin. Even my 5 year old is happy to load the washing machine, and my 2 year old empties the dishwasher with me. I am trying to make it simply a part of what we do. I think it will turn them into well rounded and flexible people without predjudices against domestic work. They both stick around my husband when he repairs his motorbike, or our bikes, so they get exposed to that too.

You are right, she is wrong, and sad and pathetic. She is possibly educating her children to become sexist pigs. (ok, a little harsh)

I once heard someone describe getting children to help with chores like this:

at 2 they're wanting to climb in the dishwasher so might as well get them to help unload it.
at three they can reach the table so might as well help them set the places for dinner.
at 4 they can reach the drainer so might as well get them to help dry the dishes.
at 5 they're old enough to know that what they're doing is actually chores, but by then it's too late as they've been doing them for three years so might as well get them to carry on. .

LOL wannabe. It actually took me ages to get my DD to put her clothes in the basket. DS has been doing it since he could first toddle but not madam. Eventually I cracked it by saying "that's a shame, I won't be able to wash your pretty pink skirt because it isn't it in the basket, so you won't be able to wear it again, oh well, never mind" and I did that for about 3 days and then she put them all in the basket.

Gosh - a unanimous thread!

Surely someone thinks all parents should be complete skivies to their children, who should be inundated with cash and never required to do their fair share around their own homes, so that they never learn the requirement to care for themselves or pay their own way - brilliant preparation for when they grow up and are parents themselves surely?

I think most parents would think you are doing amazingly to actually get them to help. How ridiculous to say it is cruel. What a sheltered life she must lead if that's her definition of 'cruel'?

Kids aren't kings and queens. You are teaching them to be sociable, considerate human beings.

I shared a house with university with a boy who had been brought up to believe that he was too good to do housework - his mum had told him he shouldn't have to clean up after himself.

For the entire year he did nothing. No washing up of his own plates, no cleaning of his own mess. He didn't even contribute financially to anything communal, and his personal hygeine was non-existent. When confronted he was genuinely confused as to the problem - "I'm too good to do housework".

I have to say I concluded he was the most bizarre, obnoxious, sociopathic person I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

Your kids are far better off learning to help.

I have a friend who's dh is usless around the house. Her MIL is always apologising for the state she handed him over in.

dd and ds are resposible for tidying up any mess they create.

You're definately doing the right thing!

My brothers and I can cook, clean, iron, do the gardening, decorate a house because our parents made sure we had chores to do around the house when we turned 8yo!

They also made sure we saved money in a savings account and in our piggy banks when we were about 5yo. Even though we did not have much (we never went on holidays), they taught us that you can always save something.

It is one of the best preparations for real life!

You are a sensible mother. They are learning that running a home takes everyone being involved and if you can't afford something you can't have it. SHE'S the one in the wrong.

My 3yo DTS love our Henry vacuum cleaner. I get it out, plug it in, sit on the sofa and leave them to it. They know how to turn it on and off as well as wind in the cord once vacuuming has been completed.

They even have their own dusters. Plus they will load and empty the washing machine with me, help me take the clothes of the line, they have started helping me to lay the table and they will clean the table with the sponge after we have finished.

I tried baking with them once but after the mess that was created, I will leave that until they are a bit older.

Forgot to say, ignore your friend Nutcracker - she is clueless.

take the clothes off the line - doh

Just to agree with everyone else really, all members of a household should contribute towards doing tasks, as long as it's appropriate to their age and abilities.

As regards pocket money, I do disagree with some posters. I believe that as long as the family can afford it, children should have pocket money from a relatively young age and that it shouldn't be linked to chores. I see chores as being part of our family life, and not something that should be paid for. I also think it's vital for children to get used to handling money, to saving for things they want and to making good (and bad!) purchasing decisions. My 3 get pocket money monthly and it has to last until the next month. At first they used to ask for some of next months', but we just said that's not how it works - imagine going to your boss and saying I've spend all this month's money, can I have next month's! They can spend it how they like within reason, but when it's gone, it's gone. It really helps concentrate the mind on whether something is really wanted or not!

However, if it's a case that the family budget just won't stretch to pocket money, then it's not something to feel bad about.