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Original poster

My friend said she feels sorry for my kids because they are asked to help out round the house

89 replies

nutcracker · 01/08/2007 18:06

Which made me feel a bit shite.

Dd1 is 9.9, Dd2 7.8 and Ds 4.8 and just recently I have started asking the elder two especially to help out a bit by drying up after lunch (only small amount), getting washing in (again small amount), and doing their own hot choc of a night (only using micro).

I don't always ask them to do it, and alot of the time they offer and even argue over it, but I feel guilty now, especially as my friend said 'and you don't even give them reg pocket money', which is true I don't, when I have it spare they have some, when I don't they don't. They don't expect on reg basis (ie every sat) and so if they don't get it one week it's not a prob.

So, question is, am i the only evil mother who does this ? and should i feel guilty ?

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 01/08/2007 18:26

I think it's really important to teach kids that they have to help around the house, esp boys. Not wanting to cause an uproar with that comment, but how many of our DH/DP's expect us to do everything, or nearly all??

Roisin, sounds like you are raising some lovely boys there.

mm22bys · 01/08/2007 18:27

Does she expect you to be their slave for the rest of their lives? Sounds like a show I saw this morning - they were going to buy their son (about 25 I reckon) a house, the mother was still going to do his laundry, and the father was going to look after his garden for him!

nightowl · 01/08/2007 18:29

im cruel then also! they are supposed to pick up their things (they dont always but still). ds has "his job" which is taking the folded washing upstairs for me. then we go up and he helps me sort it, puts his own away, dd folds the tea towels (she decided this was her job). sometimes if im busy i make them tidy up the flutters in the living room. sometimes i ask ds to polish for me and he has in the past helped me to hoover or sweep. dd loves putting the washing tablets in and helping me with that, and she tries to sweep!

i think its a good thing for them to realise tidying and cleaning has to be done, and if you want pocket money well you do jobs for it. seen a couple of threads on here recently about people whose kids wont do bugger all in their twenties because they've never had to lift a finger in their lives and i would rather mine didn't grow up like that.

beansprout · 01/08/2007 18:29

I get ds to put his stuff away, get his hat/shoes etc when we want to go out and so on. What on earth is the value of teaching them to be lazy - what purpose does that serve? They are hardly being sent up chimneys!!

wannaBe · 01/08/2007 18:33

if children don't do anything around the house, then they are in for one hell of a shock when they leave home and realize that the washing-up and the laundry and tidying doesn't do itself.

We had to wash up as children, from about the age of 6/7, had to make cups of tea from about age 10, and when I got a bit older my mum used to pay me to do the washing up during the school holidays (I was at boarding school so only came home in holidays) and that was my pocket money for the term (well in theory, but in reality when it ran out I would ring for more ).

But oh how easy it is to sit and say how children should be treated when you don't actually have any.

Piggy · 01/08/2007 18:35

Checkout this thread and you will see why you are doing future generations a favour by asking your children to help out.

mumblechum · 01/08/2007 18:47

My ds doesn't do much I must admit but does heavy stuff like bringing in buckets of coal, baskets of logs (he's 12 and strapping!)

If he insists on staying in while we go out for a walk, the deal is that he cleans the kitchen completely. He sees being in the house by himself a huge treat, so that one works very nicely!

Twiglett · 01/08/2007 18:49

nutty your friend is an eejit ... end of conversation!

expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 18:56

it's their house, too.

they live there.

helping out teaches them the value of how goes into making a home, how to be part of a team, action and consequence (no chores = no allowance/pudding/etc.), discipline and routine.

in fact, i think kids NOT helping out in the home is yet another contributor to today's ghetto me, me, me culture.

we had a rota growing up and EVERYONE had something to do.

even now, our 4 year old is SN, so she's not to teh point of understanding some things well, but she is asked to help out as she can and praised accordingly.

Anna8888 · 01/08/2007 19:01

No, you should not feel guilty.

Do your children make their own beds, tidy their rooms and the bathroom after they have used it? Do they put their own clothes away?

Basically my mantra is - don't do anything for a child that he/she can do for himself. And as soon as they are physically/mentally able to help out with general household chores, they should be expected to do so, to the best of their abilities.

My 2.9 year old hangs out washing (on a rack), puts away shopping, replaces soap and tissues in the bathroom etc.

TheArmadillo · 01/08/2007 19:02

I remember as a child one of the things I promised myself (while dusting) was that I would never make my kids do chores.

See post below

Carmenere · 01/08/2007 19:02

She's an idiot

Easywriter · 01/08/2007 19:06

Helping out means different things to different people. Does she know what your sons do to help out? Or is she making her judgement based on what she thinks they do?

I don't think what you're asking of your boys is in anyway different from the sort of thing you would expect from children of that age.

Look at it from another point of view Nutcracker. When your children leave home they'll probably be able to fend for themselves instead of being dependant on others. i.e. fully functioning adults. I think that's probably where most parents are hoping to get their children to.
Does your friend expect children to aquire the skills adults need overnight on their 18th birthday?

She's not thinking straight so far as I can tell.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 01/08/2007 19:07

She's definitely nuts.

DS2 (nearly 4) throws a tantrum if I DON'T let him load the washing machine and switch it on for me!

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 19:07

I have to admit from talking to my dd friends none of them are asked to help out around the house.

DD has always had jobs to do from being a tot.

ktmoomoo · 01/08/2007 19:08

my kiddies do their own rooms/and beds
dry pots
we all dust andvacume together
dd likes to sort clothes out after dry into correct rooms
ds loves to cook
it doesnt do them any harm at all xx

mumblechum · 01/08/2007 19:31

The other day when my ds was less than enthusiastic about making dinner, I told him not to think of it as him helping me, but as me giving him free cooking lessons which will help him impress the girls.

He made a rather scrummy strogonoff with noodles, straight from a recipe, no help.

As they're older, they need to be told (otherwise it won't occur to them) that without basic life skills they just won't survive when they go off to Uni at 18

TheArmadillo · 01/08/2007 19:37

house shares when I first left home.

some of those I shared with could not do anything for themselves.

They couldn't cook/clean/do washing
or budget, do a weeks shopping, organise themselves to get out the door in a morning.

It was scary.

lou33 · 01/08/2007 19:39

blimey she would hate me then as i make mine do loads

in fact they have taken it upon themsleves from time to time to tidy with no ugring from myself. I woke up the other day to find dd2 and ds1 had spring cleaned the living room and kitchen

TheArmadillo · 01/08/2007 19:39

I once had an argument with one of them cos he wouldn't believe you could use a mop to clear up a puddle of water.

Apparently you could only use it to put water onto the floor.

Jesus Christ it was hard work with some of them. They had no idea - literally no idea of how to look after themselves.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 01/08/2007 19:39

Nutcracker, you should have no guilt whatsoever (and I also give erratic pocket money).

I did chores and so do my DCs. We have domestic staff, as did my parents, so I'm acutely aware that the children could grow up being lazy and incompetent. So they do tidying, putting clothes away, hanging up washing, sorting laundry etc. And they'll do more as they get older.

They all help a lot in the garden and with the animals too. My favourite childhood chores were picking and storing the apples and cleaning saddlery with the radio on and a glass of stolen cider [misty-eyed emoticon]

CatIsSleepy · 01/08/2007 19:42

I think it's great they help out, I fully intend to encourage dd in the same direction when she's bigger (she's already enjoys unloading the washing machine...although she does then try and stuff everything back in ). You are not your family's slave!

SuperMonkey · 01/08/2007 19:47

My step-dd (aged 12) has just moved in with us and hunted me down yesterday to tell me I needed to put the dishwasher on because there were no bowls for her breakfast . I gave her one job, to empty the recycling bin, and she's done it once (on the day I first asked her 5 weeks ago). I think I'm going to have my work cut out. I don't think you can start giving them responsibilities early enough, ds (12 weeks) will be doing the hoovering as soon as he can walk .

Roseylea · 01/08/2007 19:48

Of course dc should help around the house. It's a no-brainer IMO.

wulfricsmummy · 01/08/2007 19:50

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