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Original poster

I don't care about or feel like I love my twin girl.

63 replies

IamApie69 · 13/07/2019 15:22

I have twins, a boy and a girl. I absolutely adore my twin boy, love him to bits, it actually upsets me when he gets hurt, I feel sorry for him, his crying doesnt bother me.

But when it comes to my twin girl all I feel is hatred. She's a very screamy baby, screams about anything and everything. She can be sat playing then the next minute she starts screaming for no reason at all, attention seeking. I don't care if she gets hurt, I don't feel upset for her when shes in pain. I use an excuse to not pick her up, to not interact with her. Her scream infuriates me, she infuriates me! I cannot deal with her at all. Quite frankly I'm getting sick of her. And I don't understand why... Some days I just wish it was my boy twin, some days I just wish it was me and him and my partner. Soon I'll be going back to University, we'll be moving house and I'll be further away from my Mum.

What doesn't help is that when my partner gets angry he overreacts, sometimes he walks out and won't come back for hours. Recently this happened and everytime I look at him I just feel... nothing.. I feel disgusted just looking at him. And I'm freaking out. I don't want to move, I dont want to deal with this constant looking after babies every day I just want my old life back.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 13/07/2019 15:24

You need help now. Make an appoontment to see your GP on monday morning. First thing.

Your daughter is not ‘attention seeking.’ She is wanting her monther. As children do.

Gp. Phone them.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 13/07/2019 15:24

I'd get this moved to chat or parenting for more responses.

FairyDust92 · 13/07/2019 15:26

Oh no :(. seek advice ASAP. Your baby girl is not attention seeking she just wants her mummy like her brother does :(.

Bobbiepin · 13/07/2019 15:26

This does sound like PND to me. Definitely speak to your GP.

BouquetNotBucket · 13/07/2019 15:28

How old are they?

You really, desperately need to seek help. Print out what you’ve wrote here and show it to your HV or GP if you find it hard to open up.

anothernotherone · 13/07/2019 15:31

Could you talk to your health visitor? The numbness/ lack of feeling could be postnatal depression (don't discount it hiting later than the newborn phase) and your partner sounds either immature and not coping or a bit of a selfish dick. Either way you're clearly carrying most of the responsibility for very young twins while he feels free to walk out whenever he feels like it, so no wonder your feeling the strain.

Your relationship with your DD clearly needs addressing urgently but it's probably part of a bigger picture. Your health visitor or GP should be non judgemental and see it in a mental health and need for support context and be able to help, but if the first professional you ask for support isn't helpful try another.

Parents of twins can sometimes get support from Homestart, which could be a lifeline if you do have to leave your support network, though I'd question the wisdom of leaving your family support and relying on your chocolate teapot partner.

Good luck - seek help Flowers

Nesssie · 13/07/2019 15:32

Sweetheart you have PND, this can be helped so you need to make the brave decision to talk to your GP or HV, and tell them exactly what you have told us.
Write it down and hand them the letter if you don’t want to say it.

Being a mum is so so difficult and it’s even harder with twins and a partner who isn’t giving 100%.

How old are your babies?
Can you defer your uni course or go down to part time?
Any way you can stay near your mum or you mum can come and stay with you when you move?

Blondiecub0109 · 13/07/2019 15:34

Please seek help.

Has you daughter been checked for silent reflux? My baby screamed 24/7 with it, and randomly too. Medication helped but getting to the bottom of his reflux (swallowing issue) turned him into a completely different child.

Mrsjayy · 13/07/2019 15:35

Yes Monday morning phone the Gp or talk to your HV it is really important for you and your babies how you are feeling isn't usual although I appreciate that having 2 babies must be bloody exhausting.

EAIOU · 13/07/2019 15:36

Awe no mamma! Sending you lots of love.

Echoing all posters to see GP and contact health visitor ASAP!!

Could something be wrong with your baby? Babies screaming all the time doesn't sound right. Mines does this and had an allergy to cows milk and has been brilliant since switching over to prescription milk. Maybe somethings really bothering/hurting her and shes trying to tell you.

Twins sound like an awful lot of work. Have you told DP you're feeling down? Have you got people round you to support you?

rebecca102 · 13/07/2019 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Russell19 · 13/07/2019 15:46

Get help ASAP, your daughter deserves better.

Nesssie · 13/07/2019 15:50

@rebecca102 that’s the nastiest thing I’ve read on mumsnet and that’s saying something.

Do you think the OP wants to feel like that? She’s got PND ffs
Give yourself a shake and learn some empathy.

EAIOU · 13/07/2019 15:58

@rebecca102- that attitude is disgusting. I had a baby that cried incessantly during the day ( I'm talking for hours on end and sporadically and high pitched) naps were quick and she was so unsettled and miserable. It was constant. Housework built up. Visitors stopped calling etc I kept taking her to doctors until I found the problem out.

I can remember what the screaming was like and feeling awful and useless and doing everything but nothing was working. I cant possibly imagine how hard this is for OP at the minute coupled with another baby. Lack of support. Educational pressure.

Sometimes we're too busy to be caught up in feeling something with our emotions to actually deal with what's happening. Have some bloody compassion.

TalentedMsRipley · 13/07/2019 16:01

Hang on...I love the way people on MN think they are doctors and can diagnose someone themselves!

flumpybear · 13/07/2019 16:03

As PP have said you need some help and support - your daughter maybe feels something isn't right, but you can't switch it on, you need some help. Please speak to your GP on Monday as well as your health visitor for support and sounds like you need some care and attention too, your partner sounds awful
Good luck - your children will change over time and she won't always be like she is now

Bob5 · 13/07/2019 16:04

@Rebecca102 - Im always interested when people post comments like yours. How do you think your post will help the op? You must realise that her posting on here means she isnt stupid enough to think how she feels is ok, or happy with how she feels. Serious question, why did you post that?

81Byerley · 13/07/2019 16:09

This sounds like PND. Please go to the doctor. And a hint …. pretend to have feelings for her sake, until you develop real feelings. I realised when I recovered from PND that my feelings for my baby had always been there, just hidden by the black fog of depression.

alittlebitdemented · 13/07/2019 16:12

@IamApie69 I have twins and, in the early days, it is beyond hard work. It is absolutely relentless. Add in a not so nice partner and I'm not surprised you're finding it so tough. Contact your HV or go and see your GP, urgently. How you're feeling is not surprising but it doesn't sound quite right. Much love. X

NotStayingIn · 13/07/2019 16:21

As people have said do please go to your GP. Don't be embarrassed or worried about going, they will have experienced this before and can help you. And it sounds like you are close to your mom, could you speak to her? Do you really have to move, can you defer it for a while? Maybe right now moving and losing the support of your mom might not be in either yours or your twins best interest. Good luck OP. x

LillithsFamiliar · 13/07/2019 16:23

As PPs have said, you need to speak to your GP. Also speak to your DM. Try and work out how you can stay near her. You need support and your DP doesn't seem to be stepping up Flowers

MIdgebabe · 13/07/2019 16:24

IF you didn’t care you would not be worried and posting here. You are actively trying to be a better mum!

Personally, getting through the early days any way you can is good enough. Get all the help you can.you must look after yourself first and foremost.

GEt all the help you can.

Original poster
IamApie69 · 13/07/2019 16:25

I didn't see what Rebecca posted, which from what I've read is a good thing.. Ofcourse I feel bad.. I've struggled to connect with her since she was born and I spoke to my health visitor about it in the early days. She shrugged off PND and said it was just anxiety, didn't really help me with anything.. She suggested I try go to baby groups, but that couldn't happen as there aren't any close enough and I dont drive. My daughter has never suffered with any allergies, or silent reflux. Most of the time its tantrums with her, if we lift her and put her down she'll scream, if her brother is getting attention she'll scream and push him away. If something is taken off of her she screams, when trying to feed her if you're not quick enough giving her the food she screams. It just gets stressful and it grates on me when we literally can't do anything. They're both 13 months old for everyone who asked.

OP posts:
BarryBarryTaylor · 13/07/2019 16:28

Firstly well done OP for getting that off your chest. It isn’t easy saying that and you aren’t the only mom to feel that way.
It’s very overwhelming having twins anyway, but when you then consider all the other things you mentioned, it isn’t surprising you feel the way you do.
You do need to see your GP. They will help you with ways to cope. I would also suggest taking your Dd with you so they can check to see if she has silent reflux like a PP suggested.
It’s also vital you give yourself a break. This shit isn’t easy and having experienced PND myself I know how important it is to talk about it. Try and allow others to help you. You aren’t alone

progestermoan · 13/07/2019 16:30

OP this sounds unbearable for you. Your HV has let you down massively

Can you get an emergency gp appt ASAP. Honestly I’ve been there and know how frustrating things are. When you want to hide from your own child because you can’t cope with the whinging and crying

Tell your gp what you have said here and ask them to refer you I hope things get better xxx

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