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Original poster

Friend has asked for money as 'wedding gift'.....

52 replies

PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:19

her wedding is abroad and we are all going.
She initially said no present as the hol/place she has chosen is v.expensive, but knowing her well, she would not refuse a present
her ssi (my best friend) said to me at weekend she has asked them for the money as her and finace have house and two girls and dont 'need' kettle toaster etc and she wuould love to save for a hot tub for garden ....
so how much should we give?
i have known her long time, but am b.friends with her sis, she is someone we all go out with on occasion, used to be inseperable as group when younger and looked after her dd while back

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Pabamella · 24/07/2007 15:21

chose what you wouldve given her as a gift, but then dont buy it ( ) and give her that amount.

I think people always seem to feel they have to give more cash than what they would spend on a pressie IYKWIM.

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:22

yeah, i do..i was gunna get a her a hanndcrafted wooden box from little shop we went to it was beautifully decorated and was designed for wedding momentos, pics etc..it was about £40, but if we give £40 then i feel i should round up to £50??

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muppetgirl · 24/07/2007 15:23

Have to say Pinkchick I can uderstand why they're asking for money but you do get the feeling that you'll be judged on how much you give (only £20 from but we've known them years...!)

My dh and I decided that where there is no list we would buy a simple, plain silver frame. The happy couple will always have somethng to put in it. The size can fit your own budget.
Muppet

Tinker · 24/07/2007 15:24

Has she actually asked you to give money? If not, get what you going to get anyway.

Pabamella · 24/07/2007 15:24

I thought you called her a muppet at the end of your post, till I read your name, lol

muppetgirl · 24/07/2007 15:26

pabella
pmsl!

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:27

she asid to me sat night that she did get text from me re present but ignored it, then said shed told my dp not to get anything as we were spending so much tog et to wedding, then i said yes but i know you dont mean it and will be devastated if i dont get you anything..she just laughed then her sis(in front of us all) said i know what shed prefer, the cash(she did samea t hers) and then she went on to tell me how she wanted to save up for hot tub..i asked her what she thought she could get with the tenner i give her and we both laughed?

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Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:30

BTW i did tooi had to re read

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meandmy · 24/07/2007 15:31

think £20 plenty if all he guest give her £20 she will be better off anyway dont stress about it,
or just get what you was getting and say you had got it before they said they wanted cash

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:31

tbh, they are these peple who want for nothing, they want it they buy it, very live for the moment, so money is best but just how much?, we have already spent fortune getting there and now(although youd do this for any hol) have spent loads on clothes over there inc wedding outfits..im not being a miser, but also dont want to skint ourselves so close to going away?

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muppetgirl · 24/07/2007 15:34

Then I find it a bit off they're asking for cash (however indirectly) from guests when they don't need anything. And to find out you're giving them money for a hot tub when you've forked out all that cash just to get there....

they are taking the p*ss.

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:36

well, like i say they didnt ask, her sis told me, albeit in front of them..am thinking £30 but think it sounds measly?..theyre spending more on each eprson per head for meal at wedding?

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Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:36

my b.friend(her sis) i gave them £50 and was brodesmaid)

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meandmy · 24/07/2007 15:39

its personall choice! my friend said not to worry about a pressie so i got her a book from the sale and they were chuffed to bits, and yes it was less than a tenner

Jackaroo · 24/07/2007 15:40

Hey Pinkchick - 'fraid I agree with muppet - you can't now give them the box, as you've had the hot tub (for crying out loud!) convo., but I still think it's silly. I'd take a card, but then consider waiting til you got home, and then send them a biggish "thank you" present for letting you be part of their special event. Box, flowers, whatever......... ???

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:42

lol does sound funny doesnt it the hot tub..theyre having reception/arty for those who cant fly out a week after they get back, so could wait for pressy/money till then?...but how much as id feel ignorant getting present now weve spoken about it..

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Jackaroo · 24/07/2007 15:43

It's not your fault they're having a swanky wedding, abroad (and telling you how much everything costs)! Sorry, it really bugs me!
Having said that, I had a very normal wedding, some lovely generous gifts, but the richest person I know (a relative, who came to the wedding) bought us one of the cheapest things - and I did, for a second think "?????", but my mum said, that's why they're rich :O

Kaz33 · 24/07/2007 15:44

At my wedding last year, which was in the North of Scotland I was honoured that my friends took the time and spent the money to come to our big day. I really didn't care whether or not they bought us anything, and like your friend we didn't need anything. Personally I would have found it odd if my friends had given me cash !

How about buying them some premium bonds with a hot tub catalogue and a joky card saying that if you win - then you can afford your hot tub!! It is money really as they can then cash them in if they would prefer the cash IFYSWIM

Jackaroo · 24/07/2007 15:44

Stick to the £40. Sounds very generous to me anyway, even for a wedding down the road (and she's not your closest closest friend).

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:44

hmm, well i do know how much 'everything' costs, youre right?..hmm..but to them(loads of money) £30 might seem tight

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bev1e · 24/07/2007 15:48

I don't like giving money as a gift at the best of times. Think if it was me and I'd spent all that money on actually being able to go to the wedding I would take as many photographs of the whole time you spend away with them (i.e. not just the wedding day), have them developed and present them in a really nice photo album. Wrap it up and give that as a present after the event.

Someone did it for us and it was a lovely way to remember the occasion - just make sure you take tons of photos of everyone.

meandmy · 24/07/2007 15:49

sonuds like you have made your mind up about how much cash your giving her!
if you had already brought the box, would you have returned it after they have asked for cash?

Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:49

have emailed sis(my friend) saying i was looking for nice gift and rememberd convo about money and what was she/other friends/family putting in?..hopefully this will give me some indication.

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Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:50

no, id have gave them it it was beautiful..im swayed between £30-£50..£30 seems tight, £40 seems like "why not £50 and £50 is same amount i gave my best friend her sis, so just dont know!

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Original poster
PinkChick · 24/07/2007 15:51

thats a nice idea about photos..i am buying bigger memory stick for camera for the wedding..

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