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Original poster

Is my son the only one who doesn't do loads of organised activities? And should I MAKE him? Do you? Please share details of your extra curricular stuff here.

54 replies

WideWebWitch · 14/07/2007 12:11

Ds is 9.5. He is at breakfast and after school club 4 days a week and I collect him on Fridays. Ex dh collects him on alternate Fridays and takes him to his house for the weekend.

He's just brought home a class book where children share their hobbies and leisure activities and showed his class mates doing:

Karate
fishing
being in football clubs
swimming
other organised stuff

I have offered ds various clubs at various times as his school has lots, which can take the places of after school club. I've suggested football, cricket, drumming, drama etc. I even booked them once and he was SO distraught at the idea of going that I backed down and ageed to cancel them, I thought why waste the money for something he didn't want to do.

My background is that my mum went on and on at me to do various stuff when I was a child and I didn't want to, hence I have not put any pressure on ds - I know I hated any element of compulsion.

When I ask him what he wants to do he says nothing. So:

What do your children do outside school?
How old are they?
Did you make them?
Did they want to at first?
Should I make him?
Any other comments/Advice?

He can't ride a bike OR swim btw since we tried to teach him the former and he was VILE so we gave up and I delegated it to ex dh (who hasn't done it) and the latter I booked for last half term and when it came to it he whinged and whined and so I backed down again (in my defence I was knackered and I can handle the fight, I just couldn't cope with it THAT DAY, am not utter wimp). I know I have to make him do this over the summer though, this won't be optional this year and he WILL be swimming properly by the end of the summer holidays.

TIA.

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 14/07/2007 12:17

I wouldn't make him do anything he didn't want to EXCEPT the swimming. It's a life skill isn't it - it's fun and it's good for exercise but, above all imo, it could save his life some day.

Ds1 is 6 and in year 1 and he does:

Tuesday - swimming lesson
Wednesday - football
Thursday - French
Sunday - football

All of these are his choice (well, the swimming was initially my choice as he was 3 when he started, but he's a water baby and he loves it).

Ds2 is 4 and will start reception in Sept. He does:

Tuesday - swimming lesson

From Sept he will do Spanish on Saturday morning (kind of my choice but he does it already at nursery, he is good at it, he enjoys it and his friends are going so he's fine with it) and he will do football on Sunday morning with ds1 (he can't wait for this).

Gobbledigook · 14/07/2007 12:20

Ds1 did a free 5 week course of karate - he seemed to enjoy it but when I asked him if he wanted to keep going he said 'no'. So I went with that.

By the way, the swimming thing is big for me because I couldn't swim until I was about 12. I can remember being younger and in a little boat in the sea with some family friends. They thought it was great fun to tip it over and I can remember being terrified as I tried to get back to the surface and the boat was on top of me. I told them it was because I couldn't get my ears wet as I'd just had grommets, but it was because I couldn't swim.

drosophila · 14/07/2007 12:20

DS just does tennis probably cos I used to love it as a teenager. I suppose I think it's good to do one thing. I have to encourage it but he enjoys it when he is there.

I was forced to do stuff as a kid that I hated so I do understand where you are coming from. It's a tricky one.

geekgirl · 14/07/2007 12:24

dd1 is nearly 8 - she does Brownies and piano. Brownies she loves, piano she enjoys too but I do force her - she'd drop it if she could because she'd rather not have to practice
I make her do it by telling her that it's not an optional activity.

I don't think she wants to do anything else and spends her afternoons playing with the other village kids on the playground or woods nearby.

I would really persevere with the bike riding and swimming (as you said you will do, anyway). Both are life skills really.

BettySpaghetti · 14/07/2007 12:58

DD is 7 and she does swimming (lesson once a week at the local pool) and tennis (once a week after school club).

When she moves into KeyStage 2 in Sept I imagine she might do extra things as more after school clubs become available to her then (eg languages, art, cookery) but I'll let her decide.

I agree that you should persevere with the swimming. Beyond that I wouldn't push him to much -as hes already going to breakfast club and after school club maybe he just wants time at home to do his own thing?? What does he enjoy doing at home?

SSSandy2 · 14/07/2007 13:09

I would try and get him into 1-2 things but obviuosly keep an eye on things to see whether it is the right thing for him IYSWIM. I think you have to be prepared to try (and drop) a couple of activities till you find something he is good at and enjoys.

What do his bestfriends do? Maybe he'd like an activity they're involved in for the sociability of it at first and then perhaps he'd develop an interest over time

Gobbledigook · 14/07/2007 13:31

'I make her do it by telling her that it's not an optional activity.'

This is what I did when the boys went through a phase of not wanting to go to swimming lessons - I just said it was like school adn it was not an option! As it turned out, there were issues with the teacher and the Saturday morning slot wasn't great adn since they've swapped to 1;1 lessons after school they are loving it again.

Ulysees · 14/07/2007 13:41

DSs are 9 and 6 and don't do any after school activities. I'm a sahm so taught ds1 to swim but ex helped too. I taught him to ride his bike, he also hated it as he's very competitive. I said "today I just know you're going to get it" and he did. Must admit I let him learn on a bike too small so he could put his feet down. He was one of the last of his friends to get it and his bike is broken now and ex hasn't got round to getting it fixed I think I'll get the bikes here as they're more likely to go on them with me. May even get one myself?

ladymac · 14/07/2007 13:44

Don't force anything. My ds didn't want to go to anything, loved being at home drawing, imaginative play, reading etc. Had to keep him off school one day to teach him to ride his bike, as he was too embarassed to be seen learning in front of other kids. He was 8 or 9 at the time. Was deeply unsporty.

He is now 19, studying languages at Cambridge, extremely sociable, enjoys running and rowing and he cycles everywhere!

Most of the kids we knew doing loads of activities gave them all up as soon as they could.

hoxtonchick · 14/07/2007 13:45

ds is 5 & just finishing reception. he does tennis which he loves. he did do swimming too, but i got super lazy about taking him to the lessons . we're going to swim lots over the summer. he did do drama too, but that got cancelled. & he can ride a bike.

ladymac · 14/07/2007 13:47

Just make sure he's not spending all his time on computer or playstation etc.

Gobbledigook · 14/07/2007 13:49

Ds1 can't ride a bike yet without stabilisers- only cos we just haven't got round to it though. I think we'll get on the case this summer with all 3 of them. (ds3 is almost 3 and he will want stabilisers off if the other two do!!).

FussyBitchFromThePark · 14/07/2007 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymac · 14/07/2007 14:08

Am I just terribly old fashioned in thinking that being bored some of the time is good for children? I think that giving them nothing to do encourages them to be creative and inventive.

FussyBitchFromThePark · 14/07/2007 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymac · 14/07/2007 14:17

Just realised I might have come across sounding like my grandmother! My kids were allowed TV and computer games, and dd2 goes to one after school club and loves ice skating.

MaloryTowers · 14/07/2007 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyTophamSortingHatt · 14/07/2007 14:32

www, we have something everyday except Sunday and Monday and quite honestly it drives me mad.

I hate having to ferry them all about ever bloody day and because Dh works shifts it means I have to do it all 50% of the time (but it usually ends up about 80% for some reason )

when Septembe comes around aagain I'm cutting it all back to one thing each.

I feel quite envious of you and DS

Sobernow · 14/07/2007 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nappyaddict · 14/07/2007 14:46

i don't think you should make him. would he enjoy something like rugby which i often think is a bit more exciting that football or cricket. or what about ice hockey?

or if he's not sporty what about something like the guitar or the piano?

MaryAnnSingleton · 14/07/2007 14:48

WWW - ds is ten (and can't ride a bike either - doesn't want to -haven't forced him - dh can't ride one either ! - seems alien to me as I couldn't wait to have a bike)
Anyway, ds goes to:
Break dancing after school club
Craft club - after school
Swimming - individual lessons
Am encouraging him to join a local junior choir in Sept.
He does all these things willingly and happily and gets a lot out of them. He used to go to Beavers and to karate.
He has tried tag rugby and drumming but both not his cup of tea !
Almost forgot - we were fortunate enough to live fairly nr the Kids Cookery School (Acton,W London) and he always went for one or two sesions or workshops in the school holidays.

suedonim · 14/07/2007 14:52

When my first two were young there wasn't the vast range of activities that is available today so they just did Cubs etc. They were both asthmatic so also went to an asthma swim club. When they were teens they went to a drama group.

Dd1 went to Brownies and she and dd2 went to ballet. Dd2 has done after school classes here in Nigeria like art and keyboard. She goes to senior school ( my baby??)this Sept and is not happy that she must to do at least two after-school activities.

Both the dd's say they much preferred to spend their time playing with friends than doing organised stuff. Neither of them can ride a bike but I don't think their lives have been adversely affected by that.

MingMingtheWonderPet · 14/07/2007 14:52

DS is just 6 (end of year 1). He does Beavers on a Monday after school, and swimming on a Saturday morning. He also generally has a friend round to tea about once a week, or he goes to somebody elses for tea.

lulumama · 14/07/2007 14:55

DH does gymnastics on a saturday

he used to do swimming and football too, from age of 6...but interfered too much with DDs sleep times, and DH was never around to take him, and trying to keep DD in her pushchair, or entertained or happy was a nightmare....

also, he was tired

now he has one organised activity and plays out with his friends 2 or 3 times

MingMingtheWonderPet · 14/07/2007 14:57

Lulumama - is DH good at gymnastics. Has he got his badges yet?