Is my son the only one who doesn't do loads of organised activities? And should I MAKE him? Do you? Please share details of your extra curricular stuff here.

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Ds is 9.5. He is at breakfast and after school club 4 days a week and I collect him on Fridays. Ex dh collects him on alternate Fridays and takes him to his house for the weekend.

He's just brought home a class book where children share their hobbies and leisure activities and showed his class mates doing:

Karate
fishing
being in football clubs
swimming
other organised stuff

I have offered ds various clubs at various times as his school has lots, which can take the places of after school club. I've suggested football, cricket, drumming, drama etc. I even booked them once and he was SO distraught at the idea of going that I backed down and ageed to cancel them, I thought why waste the money for something he didn't want to do.

My background is that my mum went on and on at me to do various stuff when I was a child and I didn't want to, hence I have not put any pressure on ds - I know I hated any element of compulsion.

When I ask him what he wants to do he says nothing. So:

What do your children do outside school?
How old are they?
Did you make them?
Did they want to at first?
Should I make him?
Any other comments/Advice?

He can't ride a bike OR swim btw since we tried to teach him the former and he was VILE so we gave up and I delegated it to ex dh (who hasn't done it) and the latter I booked for last half term and when it came to it he whinged and whined and so I backed down again (in my defence I was knackered and I can handle the fight, I just couldn't cope with it THAT DAY, am not utter wimp). I know I have to make him do this over the summer though, this won't be optional this year and he WILL be swimming properly by the end of the summer holidays.

TIA.

dd1 is nearly 6 and does swimming and ballet but that is all. Two activities a week is enough .

DS(7) goes to Woodcraft Folk group on Thursday evenings. ATM this is all. At some point or another he's had one extra activity (a sport) but never more than one or two at a time.

If your DS isn't into sports perhaps he'd enjoy a club like scouts or see if there's anything in the area he could try on a pay-as-you-go basis so there's no pressure to go back when he doesn't want to. There's an athletics club like this near us.

DD is 10.5yo.

Outside school she does:

• horse riding (her passion)
• judo
• piano
• dancing (ballet, jazz, tap, all on one evening)

All of these have been started as her choices.

She has dropped cubs; swimming is taken care of as part of the sports curriculum at school although she is vaguely interested in doing it outside school. Her school also has after-school activities which she changes on a termly basis.

She learns violin in school and will start the sax in September at her request.

It doesn't sound as though it would be worth forcing your son to do things but just letting him know what's available and that you are willing to make it possible for him might be encouragement enough when something sparks his interest.

www, I think it's really good that you are going to ask ds to try at least try some new activies. IME that's the way my two have found out what stuff they actually like and/or have an aptitude for. They are not always the best judge of this when it comes to trying something new. It's a bit like making food choices - some adult direction is needed sometimes!

But I have also come back to add something else. For me, there is another big reason why I want my sons involved in extracurricular activites, either school or non-school linked:

As you know, we have no extended family nearby so the only adults my sons meet would would be teachers or friends of ours, (ie adults who have quite a bit in common with us).

By going to outside school activities, they meet all sorts of other adults - people who dh and I may have little in common with on a social level, people who haven't been pre-selected by us or by the school.

IME clubs can attract some really nice, interesting and inspiring adults of all ages, like the drama leader with a passion for amateur dramatics to the volunteer blokes who coach the cricket team. Of course you may also get some oddballs and incompetant adults as well (thinking of a certain cub leader we knew), but you have to take your chances . For me these adults sort of take the place of aunts and uncles for my sons.

Also, I think it's invaluable that my sons see older children and teenagers doing productive, positive stuff - sports, drama, music etc - to give them some good role models in the absence of cousins and older siblings.

And lastly, by joining local clubs and activites we have more involvement with the local community and our neighbours. Dh and I have both made friends through the ds's doing extracurricular stuff. Over the 7 years we've lived in this bit of London it has definitely broadend our social life as a family. This has been a big plus as neither dh or I have the time to get closely involved with school life.

These things may not be as necessary for you, as I know you do have more extended family than us, but just wanted to add this as another point to consider.