A small rant about a stupid situation, re: SAHMs and childcare...

[TooTicky]

WHY is it that SAHMs are looked down on so often but people who look after children for a living are not?
I don't want to go out to work until my dd2 is at school because I want to look after her myself. But if somebody else looked after her, I would have to pay them.
There is something very wrong in this situation but I can't put my finger on the solution - unless SAHMs received an allowance for staying at home with their young children.
And there is so much legislation these days that it is very hard to find a job you can do with your child present.

Staying at home when one's children are at school is a different matter

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Why? Given that many women who stay home in that situation also spend a lot of time volunteering and have the opportunity to do what those who work all day do not in terms of community service?

And then there be those of us wot Home educates, too.

Yes, I know. I didn't really think about how that would sound. But for me, the crucial years are the pre-school ones. After that - well, we'll see. Unless we have a drastic change of situation, I will need to get paid work but will want it to fit into school hours as much as possible so I can still see my dcs.

yes, you know, half the workforce aren't women with preschool kids

they are actually a rather small percentage

so that argument fails too

I'm at home now after working from when DC's went to school until eldest started 2ndry 2 yrs ago. I felt that she needed me more then as she was too old for the childcare we'd put in place but too young to be home alone IMHO, some children are fine with it and others aren't. We have a great deal less money admittedly but it is great to be able to ferry them around to various out of school activities instead of them missing out. You just need to do what is right for you and your DCs. I feel our quality of life has improved since I stopped FT work (now do a bit from home, but not a great deal) and I'm not so bad tempered trying to work in a demanding job yet still keep on top of helping DCs and keep house in some kind of order...

you didn't specify that it was only sahp with pre-schoolers who were going to get paid- that's going to lead to another arguement isn't it!

Forget it- you lot carry on in cloud kukoo land- its never gonna happen!

At the end of the day if you want to be a sahm then do it and deal with the hardships that sometimes come with it. If you want to be wohm then just get on with it.

Neither is BETTER, neither is inferior- its just a different choice.

I don't disagree with you nearlythere! Although I don't see why we shouldn't be able to transfer our tax allowances to DPs. I made my decision for many reasons but it was my decision and I don't expect to get paid.. but do understand what TT means that the job needs recognising and should be valued. Those of us that stay at home (generally) do lots of things for other people's DCs/ PTA's etc - my house is always full of other children and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am always there when my friends' who work childcare lets them down or if they need to be taken to places.

I rather object to being told that I have made my choice and should deal with it. I AM dealing with it. Doesn't mean the system couldn't be improved in some way though.

And not just dealing with it - enjoying it. I love being with my dd2 during the day, but for financial reasons this situation is endangered.

TT - was agreeing to last part of post - NEITHER is better just different.... and I think the system could be improved. I think the problem is, since the advent of WFTC we are almost being told we should be at work and are beginning to need to justify being SAHP I can understand how that leads to feeling undervalued. If all SAHP went out to work we'd have a massive shortage of jobs again surely!!??
When I was working I felt that other SAHM's looked down on me and now feel the opposite so the answer is to only care what you think of yourself and your nearest and dearest...

Wisteria, it was nearlythere's comment I was taking exception to.
What a crazy crazy situation this is, when we are all just trying to do the best thing for our children.
And in no other species does the mother go off to work at anything other than the feeding and rearing of the young.

Well, that's just it, really isn't it. Both groups of women feel that others look down on their way of life, and both can make a case for that from media, various government policies etc.

Haven't read whole thread but just wanted to comment on the issue of SAHMs being 'paid'.

I live in France and here both SAHMs and WOHMs receive money from the state. The ins and outs of the whole thing is quite complex but basically both receive a similar sum and then it is up to the individual what you do with it. Either you work and put the cash towards childcare or you use the cash to allow you to stay at home. This system strikes me as very fair and allows parents whose OH doesn't earn a lot to CHOOSE whether they want to work or not. The allowance is not huge but is given until the child's third birthday which is pretty generous.

I'm in the position where without this allowance I would have to put two small children into fulltime childcare in order to work to put food on our table. We would be better off if I worked, but not by a lot as my line of work is not very well paid.

In the UK people may find the concept of 'being paid to look after your own kids' weird but here in France it is seen as normal and fundamental in allowing families from all income brackets the possibility to look after their children if that is what they want.

The country has not come to a standstill, people still work and there is not a population exploison.

I knew there was a reason why I loved the French so much!! (Used to live in Paris & Chambery), how very sensible that seems..... Plus they know how to grow grapes

People may feel looked down on but I'm not sure they are being. Mothers are often so sensitive they imagine disapproval where it doesn't exist.

agree NFK

I've never felt looked down on and I've been at home for ever with my kids

NKF, well, indeed. These things are so often stoked up from absolutely nothing. I've only ever felt looked down on for being at homne once in RL, and she was a cow who looked down on most of our lifestyle anyway, so I just assumed it was part of her neurosis.

I have felt put down on occasion online, largely because I was being - but everyone butts up against contrary opinion online, don't they?

Have I missed something here? I didn't realise SAHM's were looked down upon?!! I'm a SAHM but work when my youngest is at playgroup & eldest at school. I am constantly juggling my hours of work to fit in around what the kids are doing - ie school holidays/teacher trg days/sick days etc etc. I have to work to bring in the extra money that we need - my dh works long hours too but every penny helps.

I admire Childminders - I don't class them as well paid babysitters - it takes a lot for someone to become a CM and it is a huge commitment.

I've been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs and have loved every minute of it - it was my choice to stay at home and I've never regretted it. Yes it isn't easy financially especially when I gave up a well paid job to have children but you manage, somehow!

Wisteria you used to live in Chambery? I went there every Christmas for about 10 years! Used to go to a little ski place called La Feclaz, don't suppose you know it?

hijack of thread over

No, sorry - I didn't go skiing, I do remember a particularly good bar just next to the elephants in centre square and perfume shop though.... and a sexy BF I had there (sorry for hijacking thread too!)

'Staying at home when one's children are at school is a different matter' WHY and whose business is it. I am happy, DH and my kids are happy. I volunteer and I study. Why should you tell me it is a different matter if I SAH?

No, please, Jellybeans. I wasn't pointing negativity at anyone. It was more of a personal statement - when my youngest starts school I will jolly well have to get a job, but I will no longer have the pull to be at home for young children, which is the crucial thing for me. I really don't want to have to work away from my dd2 - I want to look after her fulltime until she starts school.

barney2, do you have a nice, flexible sort of job you could tell me about?

I work for an organisation that help the elderly/infirm/disabled/terminally ill people - I do their shopping for them - I visit them in their own homes and take their shopping lists and get their groceries etc for them - I get paid an hourly rate plus fuel. I do this for 5 ladies per week. If I've got the kids at home (holidays/sickness etc) I do their shopping in the evenings when dh is home.

Thanks that's interesting.

Ok no prob I always said I would get a job when they were at school but decided to study instead. I feel kind of weird now too as we sadly lost DD in January who I was going to SAH with, so going back to work would be too depressing too for a while.