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Neighbour's ds (5) died suddenly yesterday

89 replies

YeahBut · 20/04/2007 10:34

That's it, really. He'd been quite poorly with a virus but they'd been told by a doctor to just monitor it and take him back to see them today if he wasn't better. He sat down for dinner yesterday evening and just stopped breathing. We were all out in the garden so the children all saw the ambulances and police etc.
Another neighbour and I went over to see if we could do anything and find out what was happening and all the nanny could say was that he wasn't breathing and had been taken to hospital. I told my children that he was poorly and had gone to hospital for the doctors to make him better and sent them off to bed. They were worried but reassured iyswim.
Later that evening another neighbour came round to tell us that he hadn't made it and was pronounced dead at the hospital.
We're all stunned. He was a lovely, lively little lad and it just doesn't seem possible. I've told our children what has happened because I didn't want them to hear it from someone else and they're very sad and unsettled. I think that's normal, though. I've told them that they can talk to dh or I at any time with any questions they have. I'm not sure if they really "get" it. They're only 7 and 5.
I'm going to knock on the door with a card this afternoon. I'm waiting for a friend to come over to watch my ds - he has the same name as the little boy who has died and I think it would be very insensitive to take my Alexander over when they have just lost theirs.
I have no idea what to say or what to do. Everything I come out with just sounds so...crap. I don't know what could help. I don't even really know why I'm writing all of this down - just want to get it out, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
FioFio · 20/04/2007 10:37

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mustrunmore · 20/04/2007 10:38

Its things like this that really hit home and give you a wake up call, isnt it? Poor poor family.
How close are you to them? Not quite sure fromyour post if you're friends or just neighbourly IYSWIM.

nappyaddict · 20/04/2007 10:38

do they have any other children? if so you could offer to look after them for when they have to go and make arrangements for stuff. did he die of a particular thing - is there a charity you could make a donation too, or is there a charity they are already involved in? other than that just send a card and make sur they know if they need any help you are there. when my brother died neighbours rallied round and cooked us lots of meals that we could stick in the freezer as my mum wasn't up to cooking anything.

bobsyouruncle · 20/04/2007 10:39

don't know what to say, it's so so sad

kittypants · 20/04/2007 10:40

thats horrible.i dont think there is anything you can do or say,so dont worry about sounding crap.must be awful to explain to your dc

fryalot · 20/04/2007 10:40

how dreadful for them.

wurlywurly · 20/04/2007 10:41

oh thats terrible

mummydoc · 20/04/2007 10:41

what avery sad thing to happen, IMO anything you say will be good, the worse thing is people avoiding or not saying anything to the grieving parents - a card and a hug even if hthey are only neighbours would be nice - as a society we shy away fron grief for fear of doing the wrong thing but i am sur ehtey will appreciate you being brave enough to go to see them.

zippitippitoes · 20/04/2007 10:42

how very sad ...apart from expressing sympathy i don't think there is much you can say or do in such a tragic circumstance....just be sensitive in the coming months

singingmum · 20/04/2007 10:42

the poor family

DeviousDaffodil · 20/04/2007 10:42

That is so awful. Poor family.
Makes you want to grab your own DCs and hug them forever.
Practical help as suggested. What can you say?Just being there for them and being as sensitive as you already are.

YeahBut · 20/04/2007 10:43

MRM - we're friendly neighbours so far, if that makes sense. We've only lived here for a couple of months but were getting friendly and chatting and having cups of tea and the children were starting to get interested in playing together now the weather is better.
I think offering to look after the children and making some meals is a great idea. Thanks for that.
And thanks for being so kind, everyone. Feel like a bit of a fraud for feeling so awful - at least my children are still here. Everyone should give their children an extra special cuddle tonight and give thanks to whatever is out there that they are here.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 20/04/2007 10:44

my god that's awful.
ds was ill for about 2 months not long ago. i ended up calling an ambulance out for him and the paramedics helped me get him admitted and sorted out properly.
this kind of thing scares me a bit tbh. sometimes i think docs think you are over reacting but at the end of the day you know your child best.
my heart goes out to the poor family.

nappyaddict · 20/04/2007 10:45

you could tell them about this website aswell.

Califrau · 20/04/2007 10:47

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curlysmum · 20/04/2007 10:48

thats so sad , it must be such a shock for you as well, really awful, not sure what to suggest but the card does sound like a thoughtful idea.

aol · 20/04/2007 10:48

How awful. My heart goes out to them.

Sometimes it is easier to see relative strangers after you lose a child than people who were really close and who knew the child well.

One of my neighbours, who I knew just ot say hello to before, came over at least every week to see how I was and three months later still does so. His kindness has meant a lot, as has the fact that he is so consistent.

Hasn't 2007 been a fucking awful year for so many?

brimfull · 20/04/2007 10:48

god how awful,they must be in shock.

Marina · 20/04/2007 10:52

Oh, yeahbut. What an absolutely dreadful thing to happen. I am so sorry
Winston's Wish is a good charity which helps children affected by a death in the family. I would hope that someone from the hospital/GP practice would mention it to them, but if they don't, you could maybe pass on the info. They offer counselling and friendship.

ViscountessPetitLapin · 20/04/2007 10:54

How bloody tragic. Life is so crap sometimes, it seem so unfair.

harpsichordcarrier · 20/04/2007 10:55

oh gosh how awful.
I heard Graham Swift (the author) on the radio yesterday and he said something about parenthood being a tension between the joy of possession of something so wonderful and the black dread of losing it.
I don't know how people cope with the pain.

ScummyMummy · 20/04/2007 10:57

How absolutely tragic, Yeahbut.

Wotzsaname · 20/04/2007 10:57

how tragic, so sorry for them

MrsMills · 20/04/2007 10:58

You know, you can try and imagine what it must feel like, and that alone is enough to take you over the edge, but having to actually deal with it.....

My heart goes out to this family.

Kaloo20 · 20/04/2007 10:58

What a dreadful shock - my heart goes out to her and her family.