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Neighbour's ds (5) died suddenly yesterday

89 replies

YeahBut · 20/04/2007 10:34

That's it, really. He'd been quite poorly with a virus but they'd been told by a doctor to just monitor it and take him back to see them today if he wasn't better. He sat down for dinner yesterday evening and just stopped breathing. We were all out in the garden so the children all saw the ambulances and police etc.
Another neighbour and I went over to see if we could do anything and find out what was happening and all the nanny could say was that he wasn't breathing and had been taken to hospital. I told my children that he was poorly and had gone to hospital for the doctors to make him better and sent them off to bed. They were worried but reassured iyswim.
Later that evening another neighbour came round to tell us that he hadn't made it and was pronounced dead at the hospital.
We're all stunned. He was a lovely, lively little lad and it just doesn't seem possible. I've told our children what has happened because I didn't want them to hear it from someone else and they're very sad and unsettled. I think that's normal, though. I've told them that they can talk to dh or I at any time with any questions they have. I'm not sure if they really "get" it. They're only 7 and 5.
I'm going to knock on the door with a card this afternoon. I'm waiting for a friend to come over to watch my ds - he has the same name as the little boy who has died and I think it would be very insensitive to take my Alexander over when they have just lost theirs.
I have no idea what to say or what to do. Everything I come out with just sounds so...crap. I don't know what could help. I don't even really know why I'm writing all of this down - just want to get it out, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
amess · 20/04/2007 12:20

as a parent your heart goes out to strangers at times like this.
I think one of the things if you and your little ones can manage is to offer help when everyone else fades away and continues getting on with their own lives, especially if their immediate family do not live locally.

Budababe · 20/04/2007 12:29

God how awful. So so sad. And so scary to think that a virus can kill.

suedonim · 20/04/2007 12:30

Sad Sad

Pinkchampagne · 20/04/2007 12:32

Oh how tragic. Poor poor family, they must be totally devastated.

GreebosWhiskers · 20/04/2007 12:33

That's so awful. You sound like a wonderful neighbour to be thinking of what you can do to help them. Think I'll go and give my lot a hug now.

macwoozy · 20/04/2007 12:36

That is so very sad, poor family

AitchTwoOh · 20/04/2007 12:37

what a terrible, terrible thing. lots of hugging of children going on now on MN.

LIZS · 20/04/2007 12:40
Sad
scatterbrain · 20/04/2007 12:41

Oh how terrible - you kind of think once they get out of babyhood that they are more resilient somehow - then something like this happens !

I am useless at times like this - I don't know what to say, so I say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing - and then the moment has passed !

Definitely a card I think - and just be there for them. I think you'll have to judge it - some poeple would love some food bringing over, others would hate it - likewwise minding other children - they might want to keep them close at a time like this. I am intensely private and don't think I would want much intrusion - but it would be nice to know people cared !

In a way I'd want to know that people liked my son and were sad that he had gone - rather than being sorry for me - iyswim ? so maybe focus on Alex rather than the tragedy of the situation ?

LittleSarah · 20/04/2007 12:46

That is dreadful. Poor family.

tortoiseSHELL · 20/04/2007 12:47

How awful.

singersgirl · 20/04/2007 13:06

How terribly sad.

lucyellensmum · 20/04/2007 13:09

oh my god, those poor poor people - their world has just collapsed, there is nothing you can say that will soften that, just be there for them. so so sad, i'll pray for them.

IntergalacticWalrus · 20/04/2007 13:16

Oh no, how awful.

saadia · 20/04/2007 13:18

so sad

Lovecat · 20/04/2007 13:30

How terribly sad

From my mum's experience when my brother died, she said one of the worst things was how people avoided her, because they felt uncomfortable having to talk to her - as someone's already posted, don't feel that you have to talk to her about what's happened (although obviously if she wants to, let her), often just knowing that people are still there for you helps a lot, rather than feeling abandoned by her friends, as my mum did. Ditto the practical side of things.

YeahBut · 20/04/2007 13:44

Thank you all for listening and taking the time to write. It's given me some practical things to focus on.
I managed to write something down on a card - it took about two hours and in the end still sounded utterly crap. I took it round with a tiny bunch of white flowers and left them both with a relative who answered the door (who was kindly fending off visitors I think.) So in the end I'm really glad that I did write a note, even if it is crap, and took some flowers, even if they go straight into the bin, because at least they'll know that we are all thinking about them and willing to help in anyway. It's so horribly, horribly sad and unfair.

OP posts:
MrsWho · 20/04/2007 19:21

Sad Sad Sad

YeahBut · 20/04/2007 19:24

Just wanted to update the mnetters who were kind enough to post. A post mortem on our neighbour's ds showed that he had an undiagnosed incredibly aggressive form of cancer. I'm not sure of the exact details, however it would now seem to make sense that the doctors thought he was suffering from some kind of respiratory virus if he had been unwell and wheezy for only a week and had no signs of a chest infection or pneumonia. It is unlikely that even with a correct diagnosis on Monday when he was seen by a doctor that he would have been able to survive. I don't know if this knowledge will make any difference to his parents but at least they know now what happened. Still very for the whole family.

OP posts:
DelGirl · 20/04/2007 19:25

oh how sad, oh dear thats awful

Tinker · 20/04/2007 19:26

God, how awful.

Califrau · 20/04/2007 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plibble · 20/04/2007 19:29
Sad
Mhamai · 20/04/2007 19:29

Oh lord, have just found this thread now. How terribly

MrsWho · 20/04/2007 19:32

Oh how sad, you are being a great neighbour though.