Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

Neighbour's ds (5) died suddenly yesterday

89 replies

YeahBut · 20/04/2007 10:34

That's it, really. He'd been quite poorly with a virus but they'd been told by a doctor to just monitor it and take him back to see them today if he wasn't better. He sat down for dinner yesterday evening and just stopped breathing. We were all out in the garden so the children all saw the ambulances and police etc.
Another neighbour and I went over to see if we could do anything and find out what was happening and all the nanny could say was that he wasn't breathing and had been taken to hospital. I told my children that he was poorly and had gone to hospital for the doctors to make him better and sent them off to bed. They were worried but reassured iyswim.
Later that evening another neighbour came round to tell us that he hadn't made it and was pronounced dead at the hospital.
We're all stunned. He was a lovely, lively little lad and it just doesn't seem possible. I've told our children what has happened because I didn't want them to hear it from someone else and they're very sad and unsettled. I think that's normal, though. I've told them that they can talk to dh or I at any time with any questions they have. I'm not sure if they really "get" it. They're only 7 and 5.
I'm going to knock on the door with a card this afternoon. I'm waiting for a friend to come over to watch my ds - he has the same name as the little boy who has died and I think it would be very insensitive to take my Alexander over when they have just lost theirs.
I have no idea what to say or what to do. Everything I come out with just sounds so...crap. I don't know what could help. I don't even really know why I'm writing all of this down - just want to get it out, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 20/04/2007 11:01

I am so sorry. As ever, the concrete help sounds the best way to go - very specific offers which they don't have to waste energy thinking about.
How absolutely horrible.

littlemissbroody · 20/04/2007 11:02

that must be awful

TinyGang · 20/04/2007 11:07

How absolutely devastating

It's so wrong and tragic to be talking about a lively little 5 yr old dying His poor family.

mumblechum · 20/04/2007 11:12

We lost our ds1 when he was 7 (complications re. his cerebral palsy), after just moving here from up North, so knew v. few people.

The things we found most helpful were just people talking to us, not avoiding us, and altho' some offered to look after ds2, we wanted to all stick together.

We had loads and loads of flowers sent from all over the country which was actually quite hard to handle, both practically (we don't have 20 vases!) and emotionally in that we'd just start having a "normal" hour looking after ds2 and there would be another bloody bouquet on the doorstep.

The idea of making some meals for the freezer, or maybe a cake, is lovely and I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

Also, when you do see them again over the coming weeks, talk normally about everyday things, don't feel like you can only talk about little Alex dying.

You sound like a lovely caring neighbour.

Wotzsaname · 20/04/2007 11:22

mumblechum thank you for your post, it is touching and very real.

Agree with food for the freezer, or help shopping for some bits if you are on your way out. Because some days she may not want to go out.

2shoes · 20/04/2007 11:25
Sad
SoupDragon · 20/04/2007 11:27
Sad
DrMarthaMcMoo · 20/04/2007 11:28

How awful. I don't know what you say - but I think it's important to say something, no matter how awkward you feel your words are. It's just devastating - and I don't think you should feel a 'fraud' for how upset you are - I'm thinking about Maude and how broken-hearted we all were - and most of us hadn't even met her. This little boy lived right next door to you and is the same age as your child. It's just so wrong.

Dinosaur · 20/04/2007 11:29

I'm so sorry, YeahBut. You sound like a lovely neighbour and I'm sure that your quiet help and support will be a great help to them in the longterm.

But how unbelievably, desolately sad .

Beauregard · 20/04/2007 11:30

so sad

KerryMum · 20/04/2007 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DelGirl · 20/04/2007 11:34

how terrible

Aefondkiss · 20/04/2007 11:34

such sadness

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 20/04/2007 11:37

SadSad

Rhubarb · 20/04/2007 11:37

Reading things like this makes you realise just how fragile and precious our lives are, how quickly they can be taken from us.

As a mother my heart goes out to her as I cannot bear the thought of losing one of mine.

KerryMum · 20/04/2007 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 20/04/2007 11:42

how extremely sad

yes I would make food them ... and offer to have the children if they want you to

but just be there

how terrible

tatt · 20/04/2007 11:46

How dreadful. I agree with practical and specific offers of help. Will they be Ok with transport? You could perhaps offer to help take the children to and from school? I think I'd prefer to avoid the school gate for a time if it was one of mine.

lulumama · 20/04/2007 11:46

the compassionate friends excellent website for supporting bereaved parents

very sad for your neighbour , how awful, i guess any practical help and support you can give will be much appreciated..imagine they are still numb, and the grieving not started in earnest yet....the saddest thing in the world t o lost a young child

redhotdiva · 20/04/2007 11:47

so very sad xxx tragic xxx

LilRedWG · 20/04/2007 11:51

Yeahbut - haven't read the whole thread, just your OP, so sorry if repeating, but would just like to say how sad this is. You sound like a lovely, caring, thoughtful neighbour and I think all you can do is give them the card and a hug (if you feel appropriate) and tell them to call on you if they need ANYTHING whatsoever.

Take care.

FoghornLeghorn · 20/04/2007 12:03

How terribly sad

I agree with offering to look after any other children they have - maybe worth saying "I understand if you want to all be together at a time like this but ...... " That way they wont feel any pressure.

Chocolateface · 20/04/2007 12:07

Awful. They'll still be in shock. Keep supporting them for a long time.

InTheHouse · 20/04/2007 12:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

imaginaryfriend · 20/04/2007 12:14

It's every mum's nightmare. They must be going through so much. We trust the medical profession and never want to seem like over-anxious neurotic parents when our kids are ill but a story like this is so hard to hear.

Some close friends of ours just lost their baby and it's agony seeing their guilt and suffering and the way they now think of their lives as 'before' and 'after'

Swipe left for the next trending thread