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Original poster

Am i being petty?

74 replies

PinkChick · 27/03/2007 09:32

I have recently arranged dd's 4th birthday party, something alittle different from soft play which we always do..its a fancy dress disco party at a specific place which dd loves(she used to go to dancing there)(there are loads of other palces, but dd wanted this one, most people use bigger halls)
anyway, being me, i was happily telling 'friend' about it and said how excited dd would be when she gets there.

cut to two wweks later...'friend' excitedly tells me she has booked same party at same place with same theme for her ds's birthday, 2 weeks before my dd's brithday

now dd will get to her party and think oh its like xxx's and not be surprised nor will it be something different like a really wanted.

i know her friends are different and that but thinking back any time i have mentioned things to this 'friend' she has done the same
i know it wont scar dd for life, but am pissed off that she did this, not even mentioned oh i think id like to do that too..just passed it off as her own fabulous idea........dp thinks we should keep dd away so her party is a nice surprise..but i dont know whether its our princples getting in the way?

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vimfuego · 27/03/2007 09:36

When they started the National Lottery and there was huge excitement about the first draw, I purposefully bought a ticket with the same numbers as a colleague, just to wind them up. If they won the millions they'd have to share it with me!

Doesn't help with your problem, I just wanted to share!

I would be a bit miffed in your place. Not a lot you can do about it. I'm sure your DD will be happy to go to both parties.

wildwoman · 27/03/2007 09:39

I would be annoyed tbh. You made the effort to plan something special for your dd. She may not have realised what she was doing though.

greenday · 27/03/2007 09:40

I would be pissed off as well. You're right, it won't scar your dd.
But my issue would be that the 'friend' did not have the respect to say something to you beforehand. She could have mentioned something to the lines of 'I was thinking of doing the same thing, I hope you don't mind'.

Twiglett · 27/03/2007 09:41

I'd phone her up and tell her

I think that's out of order

but I also think a 4 year old wouldn't care less about having been to a party there before .. I think you're transferring your own emotions on to her

Tortington · 27/03/2007 09:42

i would tell my friend my dd obviously wont be able to attend her dd's birthday party becuase it will spoil her own.

aDad · 27/03/2007 09:44

deffo out of order

Would also keep dd away and tell your friend why

greenday · 27/03/2007 09:46

Agree - tell your 'friend' that DD won't go to her party and explain why. Hopefully, she'll see your point of view.

BandofMothers · 27/03/2007 09:50

I would be peed off, and would also stop mentioning things to your "friend"

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 09:56

thanks, i dont feel comfortable saying something to her tho, when she metioned it i did say jokingly/shocked "oh i cant have anything can i?"..she just looked and smiled..but then if i dont go, i will end up lying as to why we didnt and feel crap anyway.....
so, it was my idea, my dds party, she pinched the idea, knowing her ds's birthdya was 2 weeks before so wouldnt be as 'surprise' as i wanted and now im feeleing crappy about it???

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Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 09:56

and yeah, BOM, i think thats the best idea, but i am just an 'open' person

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greenday · 27/03/2007 10:17

To be honest, I still wouldn't go if it were me. Only because being in the party would rub it in the face for me and I would spend the whole time pissed off.
Good luck!

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:18

..so i either go and be a doormat cos its not the first time shes done it, or dont go and make up a lie while being seen as a bitch for not taking dd?..i really dont want to go, but instead of standing my ground and saying why and that she was out of order knowing how improtant it was to me,ill have to make up a crappy excuse, but then dd will miss party?...tbh, dd doesnt really bother with her ds that much now, hes started being quite violent when we get together and i could take her somewhere nice myself that day as im not workin??

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Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:18

yeah, i would be cutting myself up about it even whilst there!

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hunkermunker · 27/03/2007 10:18

She doesn't sound much of a friend. More a rival.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:20

the thing is...im 5 ft 6, about 5 stone overweight with mad curly hair.shes tall blond, slim, big house, well paid job etc etc, but everything i do she copies.my house, my style, even movin house to better area(but anyone is allowed to do that!)..i dont get it and feel as i really thought she was a good friend and was blind to allt his

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aDad · 27/03/2007 10:25

Dont lie about it, don't go, and you can hold your head high about the whole thing.

You don't want to take anything away from your dd's birthday experience - that's an admirable reason for not going. And a perfectly valid one to give to your friend.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:26

..im not confrontational and fel very dodgy about saying this to her..im the type of person who go's along with everything, then the one time i speak up eveyone falls out with me..she'll think im being petty, i know!

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Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:27

she even said i could bring mindees with me if i was working, and would prob pick dd up if i said i had to many children to bring.so its either a big fat lie or the truth and end up marring the friendship

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hippmummy · 27/03/2007 10:27

pinkchick - I don't think you will be seen as a bitch for not taking your dd. If you honestly say to her 'I'm not taking dd because, as you know, I have the same planned for her birthday and this will really spoil the surprise for her'.
a) You will look like a caring mother
b) She will look low for stealing your idea

hippmummy · 27/03/2007 10:28

oops xposts!

maybe a falling out with her is what you need to make her realise she's upsetting you?

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:30

would a text explaining this be lame?(yes i am cowardly!)
cos i will be seing her tomrrow(unless she falls out with me by then?)but her ds, my dd and mindees will be there, so cant really talk?

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aDad · 27/03/2007 10:32

But I think you can say it in such a way that you're not making a big deal of it by keeping your dd away.

"Oh no sorry we're not coming, just dd might feel her party is not so special if she's been there 2 weeks before for another party. Hope it goes well though". [maintain smile throughout]

Or something! Of course it's up to you.

aDad · 27/03/2007 10:32

sorry, kind of what you said hippmummy!

CatBert · 27/03/2007 10:34

She might WELL think you're being petty. Because she is being completely non-empathetic towards you, and I really feel that proper friends ARE empathetic with one another. It's what makes them friends in the first place. I mean, that's why we choose to be friends with some people and not others.

If you continue to allow this woman to walk all over you, then she will do. Don't spend your precious time and life waiting for people to suddenly be reasonable and treat you the way you deserve.

If a person or thing brings no value to your life, then get rid of it. You seem to bring more to her than she brings to you.

It's how I try and live my life, and it's a blardy sight better than when I was younger and allowed people to treat me how THEY saw fit. I am not saying it's easy, but things in life worth doing generally are not.

DON'T go to the party. By the same token that your DD will not be emotionally scarred by having the same party (but still, that's not the point - what if she continues to do this when she is at an age where it WILL matter to her) She will not notice whether she goes or not to this party.

Come one girl. You can do it.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 10:35

so what if i say, could we meet up day bofore and do something and give present, cos as i had already arranged same party for dd, i want her to be surprised and want her to think it is special and not what everyone else does??..or something????

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