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Original poster

Am i being petty?

74 replies

PinkChick · 27/03/2007 09:32

I have recently arranged dd's 4th birthday party, something alittle different from soft play which we always do..its a fancy dress disco party at a specific place which dd loves(she used to go to dancing there)(there are loads of other palces, but dd wanted this one, most people use bigger halls)
anyway, being me, i was happily telling 'friend' about it and said how excited dd would be when she gets there.

cut to two wweks later...'friend' excitedly tells me she has booked same party at same place with same theme for her ds's birthday, 2 weeks before my dd's brithday

now dd will get to her party and think oh its like xxx's and not be surprised nor will it be something different like a really wanted.

i know her friends are different and that but thinking back any time i have mentioned things to this 'friend' she has done the same
i know it wont scar dd for life, but am pissed off that she did this, not even mentioned oh i think id like to do that too..just passed it off as her own fabulous idea........dp thinks we should keep dd away so her party is a nice surprise..but i dont know whether its our princples getting in the way?

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Ceebee74 · 27/03/2007 12:00

Don't feel bad about this - you are not in the wrong.

To be blunt, it doesn't sound like there was much of a friendship to break tbh and she may get over it in time.

And as I said before, it will be worth it to see your DD's face on her birthday.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:02

yeah, that is the most important thing, that dd WILL be excited when she sees her room etc..but dd adores her aunty xxx..although her ds not so much anymore as hes been a little bully and lashes out lately

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Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:20

thats it.im crying and shaking now.just rang her cos ;ast text was basically calling me an idiot saying im taking myself too seriousl;y and putting myself before dd.....she said SHE had been to aprty there a few eeks beofre...I had copied off her...I copied last year...and aske dme how dare i create such a fuss as kids dont bother about things like this, i said that she obv discregarded my feelings to want to do something special and said i was being too sesitive and did i think my dog was bigger than her do(?????..turn of phrase maybe for me thinking im better than her?).fuck
i just said goodby xx and put phone down

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FlossALump · 27/03/2007 12:28

She's a bitch. She's causing a lot of upset to you - friends don't do that. You don't need her, she sounds a complete cow. I'm sorry you are upset but if you stay friends with this lady you will carry on getting hurt and upset. try and accept it as a blessing in disguise that this has come to a head and move away from the friendship. Good luck

WanderingTrolley · 27/03/2007 12:30

I think if she's that angry, it speaks volumes. Perhaps she's being defensive because she knows she's been sneaky and you've brought that to her attention.

Sorry you're upset.

In time you'll realise you're better off without the loon. Really.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:30

i dont like upsetting people and i know she spoke rubbish but i dont like not getting on with people.she said she thinks its me who ahs the problem if i thinnk people expect me to go with what they want

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mumto3girls · 27/03/2007 12:31

What a horrid lady. I think she knows she's in the wrong and is angry that this time you have actually stood up to her and not just gone along with it - its guilt thats probably making her so defensive.

I think this friendship might be repairable - but why would you want to after this?

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:32

but she was so adament that it was her idea, that shed been there recently and that id copied, that i was being over sensitive and putting my pettiness before dd....i said that she was diregarding mine and dd's feeling and saying her opinion was more important than mine as dd's mum, but she just kept talking over me and all i did was repeat myself.feel so shit now

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Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:38

she was very clever, saying these horrible this in a very calm way??but all he while talking very monotone oevr anything that i said

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Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:41

and as its almost time of month, im sat here now in tears, dp just rang as backed me up asying she was a cheeky cow.i must attract this kind of person cos dp's sister is same, as was my brother before i finally sttod up to him too.dp said its because i put myself ouut for anyone and then when i cant/wont, im seen as being the awkward one

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WanderingTrolley · 27/03/2007 12:41

"she said she thinks its me who ahs the problem if i thinnk people expect me to go with what they want"

Um, surely that's a description of her, not you?

Unless what you actually said to her was, "Look, bitchtroll, you've copied my idea, passed if off as your own (because you are an unimaginitive lazy bore) and we're not coming to your kid's party because I hate you" she's no right to be upset.

BTW, if you had said the above, I think she would have deserved it!

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:44

she just couldnt see my POV and to have the cheek to pass this and last party off as her idea beggers belief and now im the nasty btch who wont lt my dd go to her ds's parety.her ds also recently started ballett classes where my dd has been going for 6-7 months??.......ok.boys do ballett too...dd was asked to play in show for class, but didnt want to so didnt want to go back........her ds has also just left?!

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glassslipper · 27/03/2007 12:44

some friend

WanderingTrolley · 27/03/2007 12:49

Single

White

Female.

Worry when she buys the same knickers as you. (Happened to me.)

She is a copycat. Stop speaking to her and she will do likewise.

You are much better off without her. She is a looney looney loooooonpants.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 12:55

i just cant see how an adult can be so single minded, tho i should cos i know enough of them.makes me wonder if she was right, but thats why i started this thread about wether it was me being petty.im 30 on firday FGS i shouldnt be this upset about all this

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Muminfife · 27/03/2007 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mylittlestar · 27/03/2007 13:12

She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh. I don't think you're being unreasonable and no matter what happens you should stick to your guns. None of us need people like this in our lives.

Perhaps next time you speak to her or text her, say you'd like her to respect your decision and you will not apologise for putting your own dd's birthday surprise before someone elses party. That you respect her parenting choices and you'd like her to do the same for you. Then say you'd like to put this behind you now and move on.

Either she'll agree and for the sake of the friendship she'll accept your decision and that's the end of it.

Or she'll continue to be nastly and manipulative and try to make you feel bad, and then that will have been her decision to end the friendship.

Either way you'll have risen above it all.

(You may find you're better off without that friendship anyway I would think!)

Good luck. You're not in the wrong here!

aDad · 27/03/2007 13:16

Sorry all this has upset you, but you were still right.

This woman really does sound like an insensitive bully now, who you are therefore better off without, should she not eventually apologise.

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 13:33

thanks everyone, i know i shouldnt feel this rubbish as i know why i did it and its not as itf its and off the cuff remark, things she said were things she knew would hit a nerve as she went through some bad times with me when dd and her ds were babies.

muminfife, those ideas are lovely, will have to see how long we get for food/disco..and will efinatly buy her a tiara..thankyou for that idea..she wanted to go as daphne from scooby doo, but outfit is past it now, so was trying to think of somthing she would love..bet there will be loads of disney princess's there tho..well have to try something a little different

i know i shouldnt feel bad for wanting to make my dd's day special, but i know hoe she sees it, selfishly and inconsiderate

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greenday · 27/03/2007 17:27

Glad you made your feelings known to her. She really is awful and she is obviously manipulating your feelings. Please do not be disheartened. It's normal to feel shaken and upset after a disagreement / falling out but in time, I bet you'll feel better about yourself and everything else.
Like another poster mentioned, if she has a negative impact on you, then by all means, remove her from your life.

warthog · 27/03/2007 19:00

i think she's hugely insecure and envies you. you are thoughtful, kind and sensitive and she's rather jealous. she builds up this false image of herself and when you challenge her, her dream world gets shattered so she gets mad and attacks you and tries to make you feel bad and guilty. it's not to do with looks.

now you know she doesn't consider you or your dd and is really bad friend. at least you can use the time you would have spent with her on nicer friends.

warthog · 27/03/2007 19:01

ooh and well done for standing your ground. she'll respect you all the more for it, not that that matters...

catinthehat · 27/03/2007 19:31

Pinkchick this might interest you if you have to deal with loons like this lady on a regular bais

Original poster
PinkChick · 27/03/2007 19:49

thanks Catinthehat..that was helpful and i COULD do with some training or even readin up more about assertivness.

i still feel rubbish, i think well i could have lied and not gone....could have just gone, but then defeats reason why i didnt want to go=dd, but i tried to be honest and she didnt give a flying feck about me, my opinion or the fact i wanted something to be special for dd...she disgregarded me and belittled me by repeating something verysimilar that my mum once said which she knows about..im over sensitive and its my problem not hers........now it feels like i have to decide how to make up with her, but i know i did it for the right reasons, i wasnt offensive, just straight and she didnt like it..been in tears on and off all day as i dont like having enemies or people saying bad things about me

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