When you make a statement in public to your children, you are inevitably commenting on other parent's choices in how they bring up their children and they have the right to take offence or scoff at you or raise their eyebrows

[Twiglett]

discuss

eg
"Harry you are not allowed that biscuit"
"Jonny don't climb up the slide, use the stairs"
"Roberta you are only allowed water not juice"

etc, etc, etc

Well I disagree, I think it is very rude. As I said before.

A different three examples are "Let me put your dummy in"
"Here is your bottle"
"Would you like a fruit shoot"

It would be extremely rude and inappropriate of me to comment on any of these, no matter how I or anyone else may personally feel about them.

My child my choices.

If I tell her she's not allowed a fruit shoot and buy her some water instead it is my choice.

If Donna/Lisa decide to buy their DC a fruit shoot, and raise their eyebrows at me I tell them to feck off.

Then sit down in a smug cloud of smugness

Message withdrawn

Am I?

Tough shit

Whatever

I find myself doing this, not in front of friends but in front of my mother!!

Her views are very different to mine but whilst I live and let live she doesn't. I therefore find the only way I can get my point across and get my own back in a way is to use phrases like Twigletts.

Sad I know, but I reckon thats a whole different thread on mother/daughter relationships!

No I don't think I am. I think I am parenting my children the way I feel is best but I don't expect anyone else to agree with me! I have to say what I think out loud to my children, in front of other parents sometimes, because otherwise they are not going to hear what I wish to convey.

Interesting on the juice/water thing. Mine have juice but they have water too. Some I know have only ever had water and are fine with that. Some probably have never had water on its own in their lives - but what has it got to do with me?

However, I would say something to a child who had deliberately hurt one of mine if the parent/carer did not appear to be doing so. Not in a mean way. Not designed to crush the child. But I couldn't just stand by and let it happen without pointing out to the tiny offender what he/she had just done. (Following on from a weird thread yesterday about how small children should not be asked to consider what they had just done in the event of physically hurting one of their peers).

I think a loud statement, as we sometimes need to make to children to reinforce a point, can be taken by those parents around us as a judgement on the fact that they are choosing a different way

I think if we have to be sensitive to the person making the statement then we have to be sensitive to the other parents around as well

Other people do things that make me raise my eyebrows, so I expect things I do will raise eyebrows too.

The person making the statement is not commenting on another's parenting choices; but whoever hears it may take it that way. The problem lies with whoever hears it, if they choose to see it as a criticism of the way they do things. If you took offence every time you saw/heard another parent doing things a bit differently from you, I think you would be making life very difficult and tiresome for yourself.

and sometimes in an enclosed arena .. such as a playgroup .. making a loud statement about your child not being allowed the biscuit and / or juice when all the other children are can be construed as insensitive and maybe one should go with the flow instead

It was at a soft play last Friday that the incident with the fruit shoot happened. DD saw it in the fridge and asked for the "Purple one"

I said no.

I refuse to "go with the flow" just to please others.

dd sucks her thumb. her little friend does too. little friend's mum is forever telling little friend off for sucking his thumb. she says to me 'oh it is awful isn't it?' and i say 'no i think it's ok.' end of. she thinks what she thinks, i think what i think. no bother.

scoffers can scoff, they rarely enter into a proper discussion (in RL!) about these things. and more often than not it's done by way of a pack mentality. ie..look at all us fruit shoot mummies, let's scoff at the one mummy who won't allow her dd to have one

..poor kid...scoff scoff..snigger snigger..that mummy thinks she's sooooo superier...holier than thou....blah blah...holier than thou mummy thinks, well i'm not going to rise to this, and i don't want to offend the fruit shoot mummies by saying their kid is drinking a bottle of crap.

My child throws up within ten minutes of having some types of diluting squash. Therefore I say to her, and whoever else is listening, "no, you have water, your tummy doesn't like juice". I know some of the other mums think I'm fussy about it, they can think that if they like, I am fussy.

(Would be quite happy with diluted down fresh juice, but no, other children don't like that).

I 'went with the flow' first time round as didn't have the confidence in the my-child-my-rules philosophy.

Second time round, I did. I have no doubt peed off other mothers with my public statements but so what? I know what is best for my child and trust others do for theirs.

I think some people are too sensitive!

I always insist my charges do not walk up the slide & I don't care if others are offended...I have my reasons!

Sorry, but no I would not just go with the flow... not when I have got a three year old who would remember that sort of thing and use it against me at a later date!

For example, I do not give my children squash, but I do not mind them having it when out and about. When DD1 (3) went to playgroup last week, and was given squash by the workers, she shouted out in a loud voice.. "wow, mummy I've got squash... Is it a special treat???" I think perhaps it would have been better if I had discreetly just asked for water instead of the fuss she created!

However, if it was something that I felt strongly about (like gelatine sweets etc) then I would clearly say to her that no she was not to have it and I would explain to her why, but I would try to do this quietly and try not to draw attention to the matter. But at the end of the day, I raise my children my way, and I don't give a damm how other people raise their kids, and I don't see why they should care how I raise mine.

I do agree though that the loud voice is a bit off, sounds like bragging to me... which I wouldn't like.

well i dont like them playing with the nit kids

What is worse, I think, is when I hear children repeating in a priggy way what their parents have said....

eg. Whilst walking to school we were 'caught up' by a local SAHM and her 2 children. Our school usually gives a few days between putting a 'note requiring action'in the bookbags and the deadline. This was, in part, down to me as a Parent Governor, as we have many working parents at our school who use after school care/au pairs etc. As a result these parents often miss out on the same/next day deadline to sign up for much-coveted after school clubs and the like.

Anyway. I digress....

Whilst walking to school little X pipes up with...."some parents just don't care enough to check their childrens' book bags for notes, do they mummy?"

As the mother of one who missed the school-choir sign up by 12 hours as I hadn't collected DS1 that day, checked the bag at pick-up time and run to the school office to sign up, that hurt.

I'm a bit off-topic here, aren't I?

FFS! On top of everything else we have to worry about are we now supposed to take into account the possible sensitivities of other parents when we happen to be in earshot of them when giving our children instructions about what we do/do not find acceptable?

????????????????????????????????????????????

Or have I not understood the point of this thread at all?

Everyone has their own views on childcare.
I would not give my kids fruit shoots every day but they have them now and then, They have even been known to have a happy meal now and then.
They have also had tofu, (not much success).
I have a friend who never let her son have a biscuit at mother and toddler, it was up to her. My sister in law used to put fizzy drinks in her child's bottle (something I would never do.
Everyone is different and right or wrong we are all doing the best we can.
I don't have time to worry if my saying you cant eat a 400g bar of chocolate is offensive to someone who would happily let their child do so.

I don't really understand this thread

we all make different choices, don't we? When I say something to my child about what they can/can't have, I'm not really concerned with who might possibly be offended as I am talking to my child, not their's.

We can't spend our whole lives worrying about what others are doing/thinking. Do what you think is best and you don't have to 'go with the flow' to please others.

Ithink they all fall on my side Twiglett. You can parent how you choose, if someone else is listening to what u say TO YOUR CHILD, NOT TO THE WHOLE GROUP they , really do they have a right to liten and comment on a conversation u hav ewith your child?

power to the people... man!!!