When you make a statement in public to your children, you are inevitably commenting on other parent's choices in how they bring up their children and they have the right to take offence or scoff at you or raise their eyebrows

[Twiglett]

discuss

eg
"Harry you are not allowed that biscuit"
"Jonny don't climb up the slide, use the stairs"
"Roberta you are only allowed water not juice"

etc, etc, etc

I have always thought this is amusing, especially in the context of being English and not usually liking to display anything too much about yourself in public. And yet once you have children you tell the surrounding public tons of stuff about you the MINUTE you open your mouth, i.e. class, what your child is called, what your view is on discipline/food/etc

I used to be very self conscious about this whne I first had a child, being a Londoner who didn't talk on the tube/make eye contact etc. To suddenly go from that to the above was most odd!

As with everything else about my lifestyle, if things I say/do are not directed at other individuals, if they choose to be offended it's their problem, not mine.
I'm all in favour of the occasional bit of offending, anyway, it can even do the offended one some good...

dabihp you are right .. they do (and so they should) .. BUT they didn't on your thread as much did they? .. funny that isn't it

lol, well i dunno most ppl did i think... but

EVERYONE KNOWS YOU TWIGLETT!!!

lol

Someone give that marmitey snack a clipboard

Ah Twig you know how we all love to play devil's avocado

it is the MN hobby

It's when the snotty "don't eat that biscuit... you know we don't like eating that sort of thing" type comments are added on that it becomes a bit judgemental. Other than that, it's up to you and yah boo shucks to everyone else.

I find I have an in-built being a bit embarassed setting as my rules are a bit stringent and I actually don't like letting them known in public

I don't think it matters what you say in public, (though I do agree with bubble99 that children parroting their parents' judgements can be a bit horrid to hear.) But I think it can sometimes matter what you do/say in groups. It is sometimes not great to be the only child in the room who is not allowed a biscuit or the only child on the outing who is allowed a fruit shoot, if you are old enough to notice or care. It's worth checking out and/or negotiating the rules imo so that children don't stand out as massively different- lots of children just want to blend in, ime. Rules/behaviour expectations that are spectacularly odd for the group and are likely to be derided should be avoided if the child is expected to spend long periods of time in that situation, imo. Which is not to say that derision is ever an acceptable reaction. But it does happen.

I hate to offend. In fact, the very idea that I might ever offend anyone by so blatantly being me actually keeps me awake at night. I have a solution though. I find the only really safe way to conduct myself in public causing the least possible risk of offence to anyone I might ever come across is by securing parcel tape over my mouth. It may be removed in shops only. I also do my best to dress like a wee soaked homeless person because I wouldn't want anyone to think I was judging their clothes.

A couple of other tips .... Keep your eyes down at all times. Shuffle, don't walk, and make darn sure your children follow this example.

piss-soaked rags - check

shuffling gait - check

avoidance of eye contact - check

parcel tape - will gaffer tape do?

Yup, I'm OK to go out

I always take my own biscuits to playgroups so my dcs don't feel left out. When the neon pink wafers come out (there are separate biscuits for grown ups which the dcs aren't allowed ) I just say, 'hang on, lets get your special ones'. I really don't care what anyone thinks as to my reasons.

Dd1 does have an embarrassing habit of looking at people eating and then sayong in a loud voice, 'that peson is eating an animal, we don't eat animals, do we mummy?'

Greeny gaffer is even better. It's a real trades product and it'll cause more pain when being dis-applied, which should counteract any smugness felt upon return back into the fruit-shoot free privacy of your own home.

I can't wait to be old so I can really pull this off, I think a few mangy wild-eyed cats hanging out of my shawl... and perhaps a broomstick

"I can't wait to be old so I can really pull this off"

Ah, you are doing pretty well already

(and Spidey, I love you, but you knew that )

Franny!

Ah IF, she will just come on in a minute and call me twisty faced, don't fret

I did try something once. And failed.

It was at a friend's daughter's 5th party. My friend had set up this little puppet show for his daughter with cardboard puppets made of her and her friends. Sounds a bit freaky but it was very funny. The mums were sitting round the edge, the kids in the middle. And the kids, after 5 mins of his show, started wrecking the little theatre he'd built and running off with the puppets. I said loudly to dd 'sit down!' Which was pointless as she was already sitting perfectly. Of course. Even though she was smirking at the terrorism of the others. Nobody took any notice. I tried to catch some of the parents' eyes but they were all amused by the event.

Anyhow it ended with the birthday girl in tears and my mate putting the whole thing away.

This isn't really relevant though is it?

Think my post on here sounds v lily livered and crap in a way I did not intend reading it back. I think people in all their differences are great, honest. I just think it can sometimes be hard for children- generally older ones- if they are the only child in a group subject to different rules. Usually that situation doesn't arise if there is a good mix of people in a given situation though and I don't think people should go against their beliefs just to fit in.

where's cod ?

Surely you're either too sensitive/not busy enough if you take offence to what parent B says to child B, provided your child A isn't involved.

No.4 is now 3y, and my oldest is 13. I don't care. "I couldn't care less if everybody else is running round Pizza Express. It's rude, upsets other people and you will not do it." "No you can't have a fruit shoot, it's full of additives and will make you strange." "It's very rude to eat in shops. Just because other people do it doesn't mean it's OK. I'm bringing you up to my own standards."

I just don't care what people think, and haven't been beaten up for my views.... yet.

Scummymummy - up to a point, but soemtimes kids have to be different - ie they have a nut allergy or something. Beter to try to teach all kids to accept difference as part of life.

scummy I agree. That is why I have started letting DS take his yugihos to school even though I am 99% sure he will lose them. Because all the other boys in his class do. TBH I would not be overly concerned about the loss of them, other than that he will whinge until he has managed to save up for some more.

you take your children out...with you?

I will not let DD stand in the trolley when in the supermarket - despite pleading from her " well that little girls mummy lets her" pointing to a child sitting/standing in a trolley ... anyway a couple of weeks ago after repeated "I want to stand in the trolley" I replied " well I don't care if that girls mummy lets her - I think it's unsafe and other people will be putting their food in that trolley after they have finished"

Cue - muderous look and an audible " stuck up cow" from the other mother