Advice plzzzz

[mee16]

Feeling very depressed and keep wishing I was better off with my abusive ex as I'm still single.
Is that just me or is it normal to feel like that

When you say you're "still single", how old are you, and how long have you been single for?

I'm a single mum of 2 and been single for over 3 years and in my early 30s

Do you feel you "need" to be in a relationship? An if the answer to that is yes, can you explain why?

Are you in need of company, sharing the load, or is it something more than that?

In what way would an abusive partner be better than no partner?

I'm not sure tbh. But I think sharing the load and just want tlc. Wishing that I just could find someone genuine who would love and care and be honest. Nothing more.
As ex is still in our lives as he has contact with the little one and every now and again just has to speak to me or email me regarding jn necessary things and I know what he's doing he's playing mind games but iv literally had enough