My dog is making my life a misery. I think I should get the vet to put him to sleep : (

[dogtired]

He is 8, dp and I have had him since a puppy. I now have a one year old with quadraplegic cerebral palsy. My life is very stressful. My dog, a labradar, is great in every way apart from he regularly goes for other dogs. I cannot take him on lead walks around the neighbourhood, or in fact anywhere on the lead as this exacerbates his agression. I have to haul him off to a huge common where he can go off lead and avoid other dogs. He does not stalk dogs, but will attack if they get too close, also if he's on a lead will go ballistic if he sees another dog.

I have done EVERYTHING to stop this behaviour. I even became a dog walker for a couple of years to try to socialise him. He actually loves dogs he knows, and he loved coming dog walking with me once he knew the other dogs. But the behaviour with strange dogs never stopped. I did everything two "emminent" dog psychologists told me to - but no joy. His problem is fear aggression - he is scared of dogs he doesn't know so attacks defensively. He has never hurt another dog, but it sounds awful, frightens everyone who's around, is intensley embarrassing and has pulled my son over in pushchair a couple of times. I dread taking him out and I cannot hold on to him if he kicks off on the lead.

I have a lot of experience of dogs and I know this problem is genetic, there is nothing anyone can do about it. He was from a rescue home as part of a litter from a Welsh puppy farm.

I'm fed up, I can't take him anywhere, when I do, I'm a bag of nerves. It's become a real problem and is restricting my life more than it already is (which is a lot if you have a child with sn).

He's an absolutely lovely dog otherwise, never barks, is beautiful and loves people (as long as they're not shouty bouncy toddlers who scare him).

I'm on the verge of asking the vet to come and put him to sleep. I feel absolutely awful. Guilty. A failure.

Hi 3, I would consider it, but they'd have to be strong and fully aware of his fear aggression.

ws - thanks for that one too. I've just got my son up though so hands too full for phone calls at moment. Will keep trying though.

No, don't feel guilty

It's a shame of course, but it's not your fault. This dog isn't suitable as a family pet, and you have far too much to cope with already.

Don't call yourself a failure . You are doing what we all do - making difficult decisions in the best interests of the family.

dogtired, I will talk to them, and see what they think....my FIL is strong and knows a lot about dogs....they always have had dogs, mainly for protection (they used to have their own shop and lived above it, so, had guarddogs, then, etc...).
I can't make any promises of course.
Thing is MIL really wants a dog for company, whereas FIL is not so keen, however, in a way I think a dog would make his life a lot easier, as it would keep mil occupied, lol!

Please dont feel guilt no matter what you decide to do. Humans have to come first

I think if you keep trying you may get a new home for him he would clearly suit a family who live in remotish place and where they have more time to take him to open places etc.

Please do not feel guilty if teh v-e-t is the only option he can not be that happy not getting the space/freedom he needs and you have done everything possible.

Good luck x

hi dogtired, i have been through the exact same thing, and after a year of trying to rehome my dog i got to the brink of despair and booked him in with the vet, it is heartbreaking, truely awful, but it had to be done for the sake of my sanity.

of course if it comes to it, you will feel like sh*t and ever so guilty, but it wont last forever, and gradually you will get over it.

whatever you chose to do, good luck and i'll be thinking of you x

IMO a vet would not put a healthy animal to sleep.

I can understand your stress esp with having a child with sn but the dog has been part of your family for the last 8 years. I haven't read any of the op BUT I would see about rehoming the dog or prehaps seeing about hiring someone to train him..?? No experiences of dogs tbh BUT I would take another route than to think about taking im to the vet. If we all took this route when our kids were playing us up or interferring with our social habits....

Not totally the same I know BUT when dd was born our cat at the time was siamese and was so vocal and loving BUT we found it hard as he wanted to be with us 24/7 which was hard as he couldn't due to dd. Even down to sleeping with us.
He would sit outside the door crying all night and dh and I were already exhaused with a newborn. Sadly our beloved cat died suddenly when dd was 6 months old . It was even my role to visit him 1-2 times a day when he was in the vets before he died, with a baby in tow.I wish he was still here now...Thing is we had him for 4 years before we had dd and during that time he was there for us when we experienced x2 mc's and took 4 years to have dd. He was our baby for a long time.

Seek help and advice first. HTH.

ask the vet to rehome him - my dp gets asked this

BuffysMum, I take him on long walks everyday regardless of weather, and have done all his life, even through all the stress when I first had my son. I have to go to remote woodland and make huge detours should there be any other dogs around, so I'm avoiding other dog walkers, and because my son has cp, I avoid other mums with kids his age. My son and my dog are main parts of my life, and they've both become isolating experiences, though I wanted them so much to be the opposite. The remote family scenario would be ideal, but it's just not realistic I don't think.

J20, I've had a couple of very well meaning people take him out with a view to rehoming him last year. They both declined politely after getting a taste of his problem. I can see this going on an on. No one believes what he's like until it happens because he's so very good in all other ways.

Justustwo - yep, it's definitely a personality trait. There really should be legislation against those puppy farms. A dog gets put to sleep every 2 minutes in this country I believe. Sorry to hear about your dog, and thanks

Shhh, I took him to puppy training, I've had 2 behaviourist/dog psychologists "train" him, I've tried spray collars, I even worked as a dog walker for 3 years to socialise him (see below). It's a personality trait. Sorry about your cat. I love Siamese.

Thanks everyone for your advice and support, I will speak to the vet as soon as they're open tomorrow. The thing with getting him rehomed is I can't imagine how anyone could love him as much as we have. I cannot imagine anyone else going through the stress on a daily basis to give him the walks he needs for instance.

3, thank you, but I'm not sure you know to be honest, he is a great companion, but only in the house, and your FIL would be the main walkerer. He needs a dedicated and very experienced handler who will love him.

Really sorry to hear about your problems dogtired. My dog is quite similar (fear-related aggression, especially when on the lead; fine with dogs she knows), but (a) not as severe as in your dog's case (mostly just growling, raised hackles, etc.) and (b) she's a lot smaller/less strong. We don't know anything about her background, as she came from Battersea having been picked up as a stray.

Anyway, that was all by way of saying that I do understand where you are coming from.

Have you tried the NCDL (... they've changed their name actually... are they now Dogs Trust or something)? They always used to say that no healthy dog was put to sleep, and I know that they do have long-term residents in some of their homes who can be sponsored but not rehomed. Not sure where your nearest one would be, but I know there's a place in Newbury. You could also try Battersea (who have an outpost near Staines).

If all else fails, though, don't feel bad about making the decision that is right for you and your family. I have had to have a dog rehomed, and more recently had to return a dog that we had homed from a rescue place, both times because of aggression towards our existing dogs. It's very sad, but you can only do so much.

Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

I'll call them ellbell, but I couldn't bare to have him in kennels. We never even put him in boarding kennels. He'd be very depressed. I'll see what Dogs Trust say though. Thanks

How about freecylcing him or offering him to a good home in the paper. Surely better than killing him no?

I think you might have problems with the grieving tbh if you have him killed.

Sorry to sound lunt but I don't understand why you'd consider it. That's not to say that I can't see what a difficult position you are in.

I hope you get it sorted. Surely someone will have him.

If it's any reassurance, dogtired, we visited the place near Newbury and it was a lovely spot, quite isolated, in the woods. Yes, the dogs were in kennels, but they were well looked-after with plenty of walks, etc. And personally I'd prefer that than having to have him put down. It's a horrible situation, though, and I do feel for you.

w ehad to have our lovely dog rehomed due to dd having cp and not being able to give our dog the time it deserved. It was Very hard but he ended up much better off.
We contacted the local Staff rescue. do you have a local labradar rescue?
what area are you in?

Personally, I think that you would be better having him put down.
You have to put you and your family above all else.
He has a lot of long-term problems that will limit his ability to be rehomed.
You have tried for a long time to solve these problems and IMO there comes a time where enough is enough.
You have given the dog the best life you can, and if it affecting your health and people around you then I think you have reached the end of the road.
Kindest thing (IMHO) would be to put a stop to it now and have him put to sleep peacefully.

You have tried your best, and have nothing to feel guilty about. You are not a failure.

This is never an easy decision to make, thoughts are with you {{hugs}}

Please DO NOT have the dog put to sleep to suit your needs. He deserves to be given a chance to be retrained, as per the bbc dog borstal programme (can't recall the channel i.e. 1, 2, or 3). If you do not have the time available (I can appreciate your needs with a quadraplagic with cf, I honestly do), please pass him/her on to someone who does.

Someone had their dog rehomed with a friend who was a woodland type worker or something - do you think he would enjoy that??? Presumably he would be fine to go to a home with other dogs provided they were not coming across stanger dogs regularly (like just once in a blue moon).

Don't give up on trying to get him rehomed yet perhaps he could go to Battersea whilst you continue to look.

I really understand it will ver hard to rehome him - can you email me what you have tried via behavious sprecialist and why it didn't work - I can ask my friend's dog trainer to see if there is anything else she can think of?

BTW the right new home would adore him too! You have given him a wonderful 8 years please hold onto that thought.

It was Junkinmytrunk her springer went off to work with a woodland ranger have sent her a CAT I hope she may be able to help.....

This is a completely different situation to that faced by Junkinmytrunk, though.

This is a much older dog which has got significant problems.
If he has fear aggression, this may be excacerbated by moving to a new environment

He is beautifully trained in all other respects, sits, stays, lies down, waits, heels, never ever runs off etc, he just cannot help but "defend" himself when he feels threatened. All his life I've sought advice on his fear aggression. The behaviourists/trainers advised similar techniques, but one employed the use of a remote spray collar. The main precis was distraction - giving him treats when another dog approached, and socialising him as much as possible. Which I did - I gave up my job and became a dog walker for 2 years. The spray collar to my mind made things worse as it made him more scared in the situations which are triggered by fear in the first place. The behaviourists would think they were getting somewhere because he became more secure with the routine they were showing him at the time of the sessions, but as soon as a situation occurred in a "real life walk" we were back to square one - a situation typically being a feisty largeish dog being put on a lead in view of my dog. This happened yesterday actually when we were getting back to the car - a huge alsation on a lead, straining to approach my dog, I couldn't put my dog on the lead because that makes him 10 times worse and i can't hold on to him anyway when he like that, so I just had to use my growliest, most dominant voice and hurried in the opposite direction (detour again...) and just managed to avert a confrontation. As usual I was shaken and fed up.

buffysmum - my dog would actually LOVE that kind of life - he loves riding in cars and would be fabulous fun in that situation. He used to love all the professional woodland dog walking I used to do.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

that was what I was thinking by contacting junkinmytrunk (have CAT her) that there are some situations where your dog could perhaps be accommodated - woodland ranger can't think of any others though where avoiding unknown dogs 95% of the time would occur - Farm pet????? He is fine with dogs he knows yes, and older children???

I hope you can find somewhere to rehome him.

I've recently had to have one of my dogs put to sleep because of aggression, and it was the most heart-breaking things I've ever had to do. IMO, there comes a point where you have to put the people in the house before the dog. If he is making your life miserable then enough is enough.

I think that the rehoming places are often so overstretched dealing with dogs that are just dumped on them that they can't prioritise dogs that are in good homes. With mine, the problem was that he developed aggression towards me and dh, as well as my other dog. The rehoming places won't touch a dog that has bitten a person because they'd be liable if the dog bit any new owner.

Do you have a Dogs Trust in your area? They try to rehabilitate problem dogs. They don't cover all areas of the country though.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do. It sounds like you've worked so hard to do the right thing for him. IMO some dogs (like my own) can't be helped. They may be healthy in terms of their body, but their mind isn't right at all, and there is only so much you can do for them.

Thanks again for the further replies. BuffysMum, he'd be fine as a woodland ranger companion - in that type of environment it's just hotspots like enclosed pathways or the approach to the car park where there are dogs around on leads. When off lead if a strange dog ignores him, he's fine, if a strange small dog (either sex), or a sweet medium sized female dog approaches him, he's fine, might even play; if a male dog approaches him, has a quick sniff and goes away, he's fine; BUT if a male dog the same size as him or larger won't leave him alone he'll see it off, which in a woodland, unrestricted setting if fair enough. (He has NEVER hurt/bitten another dog).

He would never approach a dog unless he likes the look of it to play - ie a particularly sweet looking female or, for some reason, he really loves some titchy dogs, either sex, and will turn into puppy mode to get them to play with him.

Making a few more calls today...