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Original poster

Hen Do x2 but no main wedding invite

14 replies

BewilderedBlueberry · 31/05/2016 12:06

Next month I am attending a hen do, weekend away and costs are escalating toward £400-500. The issue I've been feeling lately is that I was told I'd get an evening invite and be bumped to the day if anyone dropped out. People did drop out when invites were sent but in the last few weeks the bride had said she can't invite me as she wants to keep costs down by not replacing the spaces. I feel quite offended by this, even more so as a fortnight ago she asked for a works hen and has told colleagues I will be arranging it. Should I say anything? Is this normal? Other hen dos I have been on I have also been to the main wedding, day and evening.

OP posts:

HoggleHoggle · 31/05/2016 12:07

She's massively taking the piss.

UpsiLondoes · 31/05/2016 12:10

Tell her she needs to find someone who is invited to the full do to organise her wedding bits for her. And don't go to the hen do, citing costs too. Works both ways

Nannawifeofbaldr · 31/05/2016 12:12

I would politely decline to attend more than one hen do. I certainly wouldn't spend £500 on a hen night unless it was for my best friend in the whole world.

Lilaclily · 31/05/2016 12:12

Well I have been to hen do's for weddings where I've only gone to the evening , but her bridesmaid should organise it surely

MissBattleaxe · 31/05/2016 12:18

She is asking too much. She is refusing to meet the cost of you even attending the evening do ( which is usually much cheaper than paying for an all day guest) but expecting you to fork out £500 to celebrate a wedding she's not inviting you to.

Back out and don't apologise. She's being grabby and entitled.

WickedLazy · 31/05/2016 12:19

Local work hen do sounds fine, with maybe a few of her mates that can't afford the "big" hen night. Asking you to organise it when you're not invited to the full wedding (knowing you're still happy enough to spend the money on the other night) is taking the piss though.

Original poster

BewilderedBlueberry · 31/05/2016 12:20

Already paid toward the main hen, when I was still hopeful of a main invite and no additional work hen to attend! We are close colleagues in work but all staff in our office have evening only, many would assume I'd be the one to organise even if they hadn't been told I am. I do feel I am being taken advantage of but nobody wants to cause a scene over somebody else's occasion...

OP posts:

Original poster

BewilderedBlueberry · 31/05/2016 12:21

I'm only organising the work one. Main one isn't me... That is the bridesmaids.

OP posts:

P1nkP0ppy · 31/05/2016 12:22

Tell her she's taking the proverbial.
I'm gobsmacked that this is becoming more and more common, it's presumably to spread the coat of the bride's expenses?
I can't believe people have the nerve to do this!

ImperialBlether · 31/05/2016 12:24

Have you even got the evening invitation yet?

MilesHuntsWig · 31/05/2016 12:25

She is completely taking the piss!!!! Cheeky cow. Unless she's getting married in the Taj Mahal having you to the day do will be significantly less than the amount she's expecting you to spend on one hen do....

Sprink · 31/05/2016 12:28

nobody wants to cause a scene over somebody else's occasion...

Which is why so many get away with such unbelievable behaviour.

I don't know why you want to celebrate this is woman anyway. Say something. If it causes hurt feelings, well, it already has.

bombayflambe · 31/05/2016 12:29

Hen dos are for Bride and friends having fun and letting off steam.
Wedding ceremony/breakfast invitations are often very heavily family-biased due to family pressure/costs and then the friends bowl up in the evening for the fun part of the wedding.
It has been done like this by lots of people for ages. There's no point inviting elderly relatives to the disco in the evening. In real life this doesn't seem to be much of an issue, only on MN.

rainytea · 31/05/2016 13:56

It's a shame that you're REALLY busy and can't organize the work hen, but if she wants you to attend you'll do your best. Sweet smile.

I'm shocked about the other hen. In the olden days when hen parties were more of a night out in the town centre, it wouldn't be such a big deal. But when they're five hundred quid, it's a who,e other matter. No idea how you can do much about that now, but definitely, definitely don't organise the other! "Hoping" for a full invitation is utterly ridiculous.

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