How would you like to be asked this question?

[RattusRattus]

Dh and I are making our wills and we need to decide on guardians for our DC. We've chosen friends of ours whom the kids adore and we are now in a position to ask them. Trouble is we aren't sure how! These are our options.

1. Face to face. Obviously we are close enough to actually have a face to face conversation about this, it's just that I said to DH that what if they don't feel able to refuse or feel able to say can you give us time to think about it. I don't want to put them on the spot at all. DH (a binary thinker if there ever was one) says that if anyone asked him he would never refuse them so can't imagine that anyone would refuse such a request. I can see how someone might not want that responsibility.

1. Telephone. Again - we are kind of putting them on the spot but as we can't see their faces it might make it easier for them if there is a problem.

1. Email. I'm worried that it is too formal and remote. As I said we are really good friends.

Wisdom of Mumsnet, please advise.

I think email is fine with a 'you might need some time to think about this and we understand' note - and hopefully they'll never need to do it anyway.

A handwritten letter is more... I dunno, more personal and earnest than an email. I'd write. Or ring, and say they can have all the time they need to consider it.

You ask them to be guardians without it being a commitment for them to take on your DC if the worst happens. I asked my DC guardians if they felt able to make the best decision for the DC should the need arise - for example that could be finding them adoptive parents in an open adoption rather than bringing up our DC for us.

Random - how old were your DCs when you did that? Mine are 10 and 11 so it would be harder to find adoptive parents. We would ideally like them to take the kids.

Hadn't considered a letter. Not sure DH will go with that though.

I'd email - open it with something like "Apologies for the slightly formal letter, but we didn't want to put you on the spot by asking face to face," then go on from there. That's what I'd prefer if I was being asked, it gives them time to think before responding.

(Granted, I asked my sister this question by text. But I already knew what her answer would be.)

You're making this too complicated! Just ask them face to face and say they don't need to answer straight away as you know it's a big commitment and that you won't be offended if they feel they can't say yes.

Personally I thought the whole point if naming guardians is that they would be willing to take on your kids. The named guardian for our kids would also be executor of the will with the right to use our estate as appropriate to help the kids. Eg they might need to buy a bigger family home to fit our kids in as well.

Ask them however you like, but ask them to think it over for a week or something and then get back to you.

We went to visit our friends in person when we were going to ask. We started off by saying that we were going to ask them something very important to us and that we did not want an answer that day as we wanted them to discuss what we were going to ask and that we didn't believe it was something they could answer without having private discussions between them first etc. My friend burst into tears when we asked as she said she felt so honoured and said yes straightaway. However, I insisted that she needed to let me know the following weekend instead or later if they needed but that I wasn't accepting an immediate yes. She phoned me 7 days later to the minute to say yes! We discussed with them at the initial meeting our views on parenting, schooling etc and what sort of money there was likely to be available in trust for the child and who the trustees were etc.