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Original poster

dh wants to emigrate to Australia!!

60 replies

baldrick · 20/05/2004 22:39

For a long while now dh has talked about getting out of this country and living in Australia/New Zealand, he says he has nothing to keep him here (fair enough)..(he's had this dream since he was a boy!!

I am always very happy to support him in every which way and am almost so with this one, however tonight I suddenly had this feeling that I would be miles away from my family/friends and for the first time in my life I am settled and feel very comfortable in the area we live...Have said to dh that maybe we could do a trial peroid over there to see how we like/not like it as it is a big step and once you've done it there is no turning back....thing is he says he has nothing to keep him here thing I would miss my work colleagues/family/friends....am I being selfish, any advice from anyone who has been through this before or anyone who has any advice at all appreciated...thanks in advance

OP posts:
tammybear · 20/05/2004 22:42

if you're not happy about it, then you're not happy about it. dont do anything you dont want to do just because of your dh. (trust me ive learned from my mistakes!)

he says he has nothing to keep him here, but what about you? would he stay if you werent happy going there? i know that sounds really harsh i guess, but thats what i would think if dp said that to me

toddlerbob · 21/05/2004 02:38

baldrick - I moved to NZ 5 years ago. It's a very long way to come just because you can't think of any reason to stay in the UK. I really don't think that's a good enough reason - although it being a boyhood dream might be. I wouldn't do it without visiting on holiday - have you been here before?

Bettybloo · 21/05/2004 03:16

I don't think you're being selfish at all, in fact you're amazingly unselfish and supportive to even consider it. We moved abroad (only as far as the States) six months ago for dp's job and you're absolutely right - it's friends and family that you miss. That said, it's not as bad as I'd feared, with email, msn, and cheap phone lines etc it's pretty easy to keep in very close contact. The thing is, men don't make the kind of support group friends that women do - particularly in the early years of having children - and it's tough to start all over again. I sometimes feel like "I don't want to start a new life/make new friends - I couldn't get better than the old ones"! I know exactly what you mean about feeling settled - I'd got my life just about how I wanted it then suddenly had to start again from scratch.
You're very brave, and clearly a wonderful supportive wife. Does your dh have work options out there? Have either of you spent much time there? Any family or friends you can have an extended stay with? How old are your children - because schooling could become tricky if you did decide to come back. I am really glad that my children are having the experience of living in another culture - but when we come back is already becoming an issue because of the different curriculums as my son comes up towards 11plus.
I'm not being much help - I'm much nearer home than you would be, also it's not a permanent move - but I just want to say - those things you feel you would miss are your life and that's a hell of a lot to give up just because he doesn't have the same ties.

janinlondon · 21/05/2004 09:08

If its any comfort Baldrick, its pretty hard to get in these days! I am Australian and DH (Scottish) would love us to move there, but we have been told that it would take about two years to process his application. And that's with an Australian wife and daughter.

exaussie · 21/05/2004 11:22

Hello janinlondon, I am about to post dh's immigration forms. I am Australian, he is also scottish. We have a scottish daughter with dual passport. Where did you hear it would take 2 years? I thought it would only take ! Argh, that terrifys me

albert · 21/05/2004 11:43

When I actually put in my application to emigrate the processing time was a couple of months, but the preparation to get all the papers together,translated (my husband is Brazilian so everything was in Portuguese) and authorized took about 18 months. I guess that's why they advise 2 years.

janinlondon · 21/05/2004 11:44

Hi EXAUSSIE. I have friends who were in a similar position (she was Australian, two kids both dual passport Australian, husband English) and their application was with the High Commission for well over two years. In the end Lisa took the kids home herself and her DH had to stay behind for six months to wait for it all to be sorted out. She needed to get there in time for her DD to start school. Her DH had a great job planning airport extensions at Heathrow so I should have thought they could use his experience in Sydney? This was a couple of years ago, though, and maybe they've sorted the process out by now?

Twinkie · 21/05/2004 11:47

There has been a thing on GMTV this week saying that it is getting harder and now they are wanting people to move but only to the not so populated areas so not NSW or Queensland!!

Coddylicious · 21/05/2004 11:49

Waht would he do/ arent I right in thinking they wasnt certain sorts of people - doctors engineers etc - oh and not any one who isnt white , judgin g by the hoo ha over that boat of immigrants a couple of years ago!

exaussie · 21/05/2004 11:50

All I can say is I hope it doesn't take too long - dh is nearly 45, and I believe that it is much harder to get in once that age has been reached.

suzywong · 21/05/2004 11:50

That is terrifying about the two year wait, I heard 4 months though for spousal visa, and I know someone who was only engaged and got it in the same week.
I think it depends on where you want to settle.
Bloody hope so, I put mine in on Monday and we want to leave in September. OMG

Coddylicious · 21/05/2004 11:53

at least you wil be thin by t hen suzy

Chandra · 21/05/2004 11:53

Baldrick, you are not selfish at all, if you don't feel like going don't go, moving to another country is a big decission that carry great implications: some professions don't travel, and you may end up working in something that you would not have considered at home, there is also the chance of your husband getting a wonderful job and then after some time you may surprise yourselves thinking that you really want to come back but you can't find anything here as good as his or your current job.

Think it through but if you feel you are not going to be happy there because family and friends are far away, don't go, you will make new friends but having the family far away is a quite different issue.

Good luck!

Twinkie · 21/05/2004 11:57

Sorry reverting to my knowledge gleened from GMTV.

Apparently they have a points system - you get so many for your age (over 44 works against you apparently), points for amounts of savings, professions and as far as I am aware from watching relocation programmes you have to put a certain amount of money into government bonds or something like that.

HJave you looked at the ustralian High Commissions website - that should give yu all the criteria??

exaussie · 21/05/2004 11:58

I have lived in Scotland for 7 years, and being away from family is positively unbearable. Think hard before you agree to this move baldrick.

exaussie · 21/05/2004 12:00

Yes Twinkie - looked on website a while ago - but avoiding anything that will get my hopes up or destroy my hopes. Just putting forms in and hoping for the best - dunno how I will be able to bear it if it doesn't work out

suzywong · 21/05/2004 12:01

Twinkie is right, you can download all the forms , for a small fee, from the website.

Bloody Oath your're right Coddy, got to look good on the beach

janinlondon · 21/05/2004 12:03

There are so many types of visas and subcategories that I think it is hard to make a blanket statement about how long processing will take. The people I knew were on a straight spouse emigration visa. All the categories have a cap (a total number they will allow in in any one year). Don't panic EXAUSSIE. I'm sure you'll be fine.

exaussie · 21/05/2004 12:05

cheers janinlondon - gotta go dd calling

janinlondon · 21/05/2004 12:12

Sorry - that should have said all classes except SPOUSE visas can be capped.

CountessDracula · 21/05/2004 12:21

I can't believe this! I have dual nationality and I thought that if we wanted to move to Australia (which we don't) we could just go. Had no idea about the spouse thing.

I take it you can go if your spouse doesn't work. ie they can get residency or whatever it's called.

Also how can they say you have to settle in a certain place if you are from for eg Sydney and have a family house there?

Balders I would say think v carefully. Have you ever been to Australia? I wouldn't consider moving somewhere unless I was very sure I liked it.

suzywong · 21/05/2004 12:26

CD, I think (hope desparately) that the family house thing is a big plus point.
Another consideration is how long you can stall betweengetting the visa and making the move, sometimes there are time limits on it, for example 1 year between visa issue and taking up residency or it runs out

janinlondon · 21/05/2004 13:23

CD there may also be a question over residency as it usually entitles the resident to medicare etc etc. I think the spouse may have to have a tourist visa and come in and out of Oz periodically to renew - or at least that's what some other friends did when the DH did not intend to work in Australia but wanted to live with his wife and kids. But don't quote me - you'd need the HC to advise you.

Original poster
baldrick · 21/05/2004 18:01

Hi there, thanks for all your replies it's good to hear from people who have had this experience and those who can understand where I'm coming from!

Children are 8 and 1/2 and 7 and dh is an engineer and has just sent off four corners emigration papers to see if we have any chance of getting in...he does alright on the point score, he has a profession and I sort of have...he's been talking about this for a long time now and never really done much about it tbh, so haven't really thought about leaving England...

He has no family here whatsoever and like you say men's friends are not the same as women's friends....if I told you this is my 19th home in 35 years and it is the first time I feel really comfortable as am grown up, friends, job etc....

Neither of us have EVER been to Australia or New Zealand but you're right to say try it first..(only one problem dh said as soon as he finished his current job, just under 3 years he'd like to move)...A HOLIDAY in Australia is money we don't have at the mo, so don't quite know at the mo how we can visit it (unless win Lottery)...we'll be talking about it over the next few weeks and I'll mention the 2 year wait etc...Sorry long, thanks for reading this far if you did

OP posts:
eidsvold · 21/05/2004 19:32

janinlondon that does not seem right - we leave in less than two weeks - same circumstances as you - although my dh is english ... if you can go on a spousal visa - it should only take 4 months processing time from the time you send off your application. But that means you say you will support your family and are ineligible for social security for two years.

Dh's took less than four months so that is strange that your friends took over two years - other friends of ours - aussie wife english husband - took about two months.

It is expensive though - processing fees, medical fees etc but jan if you want to - go for it.