dh wants to emigrate to Australia!!

[baldrick]

For a long while now dh has talked about getting out of this country and living in Australia/New Zealand, he says he has nothing to keep him here (fair enough)..(he's had this dream since he was a boy!!

I am always very happy to support him in every which way and am almost so with this one, however tonight I suddenly had this feeling that I would be miles away from my family/friends and for the first time in my life I am settled and feel very comfortable in the area we live...Have said to dh that maybe we could do a trial peroid over there to see how we like/not like it as it is a big step and once you've done it there is no turning back....thing is he says he has nothing to keep him here thing I would miss my work colleagues/family/friends....am I being selfish, any advice from anyone who has been through this before or anyone who has any advice at all appreciated...thanks in advance

FOUR DAYS!!!!!!
I've got my Australian PR!!!! ANd it only took four days!
Wooooo-hoooooo!!!!

I'm rather pleased

Baldrick, why are his reasons to go, more important than your real and tangible reasons to stay ?!

I would also be VERY reluctant to go, if I were you given the recent history of your relationship. I know you say that you are happy with the way things are going now and that the main creases (ahem!) have been ironed out, but I would be keen to stay close to those who could provide support, if things went pear-shaped again and DH got nasty. I'm sorry to keep harking back to it, balders, but I just have great trouble getting around the old addage of 'A leopard never changes it's spots...'

But that is just my opinion, hon. You do what is right for ALL of you, not just for HIM.

It sounds like a bit of a fantasy to him. I'm not saying it couldn't be lovely but the decision needs to be made based on reality or as close as poss to reality (we never know for sure how things will turn out do we?). Don't make the mistake of thinking that its easy to keep in touch and be spontaneous when your're on the OTHER SIDE of the world, a time difference is one thing but I've found that my relationship with my nephew in Sydney has just gone into abeyance. He's over here now and its just so wonderful to see him and its like he's always been here but, inbetween, keeping in touch and really knowing the day-to-day ins and outs of each other's lives is not really possible. Also, we'll never visit as the journey's too long with our autistic DS and even his step dad has only been once as he doesn't like flying. If you go, prepare for your life to be there and that it may not be possible to maintain real contact with the UK. Mind you, to me NZ looks really lovely and all the NZers I've ever met have been lovely (except at Lord's yesterday!)

ooops, just re-read your original message and realise you said Oz OR NZ. I thought it was NZ only, didn't mean to be Ozist!

Have been talking about it again tonight and dh can't understand why I can't just make a fresh start and move....he says you can make friends wherever you go, which is true....however I have said I would like to test it out first, we haven't the money to do that and he thinks I am only thinking of myself by refusing to just move...thing is I know it would be a lovely and very uncrowded place to live but can't help feeling scared of moving to other side of the world and suddenly not having any I know on doorstep (tell me I am being very narrowminded)...you make friends wherever you go if you have the right atittude,,sure would love it, but he has said if I don't move he is going alone without me (he thinks that me keeping the children in this country is being selfish as it's going downhill)....any thoughts would be good here

btw am on about my 10th chocolate digestive with worry

correction, he wouldn't just move but we would need a serious discussion (basically he can't see my point of view and thinks am being selfish and only thinking of self)

"but he has said if I don't move he is going alone without me (he thinks that me keeping the children in this country is being selfish as it's going downhill)". Well I have to say that I think him expecting you to just up-sticks and move across the World just to please HIM is selfish. I'm sorry Baldrick, but this seems to be another classic example of your DH and his bullying behaviour. I know I am probably p*ssing in the wind a little here, as you are deaf to any advice given with regards to your DH, but I feel it has to be said. The more I hear/read about this, the more I am sure you know deep down that it is simply not the right thing to do. The very fact that you are on here trying to talk yourself into it should be evidence enough.

Bladrick
Even if it were the Channel Islands you were considering moving to, you or indeed anyone, would be very unwise to pack up sticks and settle in a place none of you have ever set foot in before.
If you want to end this dilema simply tell DH you will take a family holiday to Australia first and decide afterwards. Simple.
And as for the money situation, you need quite a wedge in your bank account in anycase to prove to the immigration authorities you can support yourselves for a period of time anyway.
So start saving and tell him holiday/reconaissance trip first then you'll talk.
Anything else is just getting your knickers in a twist over what ifs.
Sorry to be harsh

TBH suzy, harsh strikes me as exactly what is called for.

Thanks, just needed to hear someone say that, as know it's not selfish just f-- unrealistic to expect us to just move 12,000 miles away (other people do it though...but have probably visited first)..will be talking veeeeryyy soooonn (with dh)

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essbee, do you mean you have family and friends over there?

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would you like to move over there really???

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Baldrick - I haven't read all of this thread but I would have big reservations about going. My aunt emigrated to Brisbane 20 years ago because her husband wanted to go (she didn't). She stayed 10 years, and in that time every time she rang us she cried down the phone because she was so unhappy. Not because she didn't like Oz, because she did, but because she felt so far from home, friends and family.

Her kids were 5, 12 and 17 when they left emigrated, and although the youngest one is now settled in the UK, the 2 older ones have never managed to settle properly in either country, as they always think the grass is greener on the other side, iyswim. They are forever boomeranging back and forward across the world as they just can't work out which country they like the best!

Sorry to sound so negative and unadventurous, but I know that it was really upsetting when my aunt used to ring and sob down the phone. If you're not 100% certain about this, don't go.

why is it that men think you can make new friends just like that, you can but it takes time to get to know someone and tbh have moved soo mucj in life and lost friends because of it, really don't want to loose my now friends and my family too (would never see my sisters or mother really as they wouldn't be able to come over every 5 minutes) am people person, dh could take it or leave it (although he has friends now he wouldn't mind never seeing them again)...men eh!

Thanks for that Badhair, that's really awful...she must have felt lonely....men think that new country, new start...then everything will fall into place (you have just proved that this isn't always the case)

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congrats suzywong - am getting together my dh's documents to send this week. How mush did it all end up costing?

have only skim read this thread as so long - but thought I would add my bit. We moved to NZ 18 months or so ago - Dh is kiwi. We moved for all the usual reasons, sick of commuting into London, cost of living, Sept 11th, state of the country, working guts out just to make ends meet etc. On the plus side - Ds has a quality of life we could only dream of in the UK, we have 11 acres, a lovely house, a pool ,spa, I work p/t through choice and are only 30 mins from central Auckland etc etc. but and for me and it is a big but...I don't have anybody to share it with. I am gradually starting to make friends (mostly through DS), but making true friends takes time and I still hardly have anybody I can pick up the phone and just pop to the pictures with, go girlie window shopping or for a few wines to unwind. I really miss my family and friends for support and just a chat. We never go out becasue of child care issues with DS. We are seriously thinking of returning to the UK next year - Dh misses pubs and football as well!!!!
I am truly glad we gave it a go and have said I will give it another year (I am pregnant at the moment so hormones could be making things seem worse) so I can't say moving abroad is all a negative experience, at least we can say we tried and not sit wondering what if for now until.....but don't put all your eggs into one basket....don't do it if you are not sure or put a time line on it, say 2-3 years and think of it as an adventure, rent your house if need be. I have met alot of English people here and know of many in oz who wouldnt' dream of going home they love it so much, but it's not for everybody.
hope that doesn't sound negative, it wasn't meant to....

Eidsvold I think the difference may have been that they wanted permanent residency, not a spousal visa which could (admittedly in unusual circumstances only) be revoked or not renewed at the two year point? Also, she could not have guaranteed his income as she was a sahm. Have to admit I would not be keen on the temporary visa option either - especially if we were moving all our worldly goods and selling up. I'd want to know the thing was set in stone. But then I am the eternal pessimist!

To get permenent residency in Aus you need;
to score 120 points in the Skilled migration test.
Generally need to be under 35.
Ideally need to be MOD (migration on demand) person. currently lits Nurses, Physios, OT's and most medo's, hairdressers and chefs.
a couple of points for bringing in more that $125,000 in money.
Unless on the MOD you need enough money to live for 12 months, i think it's £10,000 ish.
Family migration is on the downturn although John Howard recently stated that he wants to recruit more anglo saxon;s (Northern Euorpeans)to the ranks. Id never move anywhere withour a holiday, in the case of Aus you'd need about 8 weeks to see all the major cities and decide where to live. On the GMTV clip I think the obvious point that the bloke said was missed by most? He said they need medical professionals and associated practitioners. Unfortunately thats the go at the moment. Rural migration is encouraged, anywhere except Sydney metro and Gold coast.
anymore info go to
\linkwww.immi.gov.au{}

They have an online points asessment that is free to test.

exaussie
It was £540 plus £145 for the medical.
Do drop me a line if you need to know anything else.
xxx

sibble, your reasons for going mirror dh's...basically if house prices keep going up like everyone else we are going to be paying through the nose for a house which just isn't worth that much...dh just wants best for ds and dd (it's not like the UK we grew up in as children)...(business with Iraq etc...he wants children to grow up without all this (understandable really)....btw, had you wanted to live there for a while and is it because you miss the UK that you really want to move back,...as New Zealand seems a beautiful country