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Original poster

Right, DD told DP some things last night that concern me a little

64 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/11/2006 11:09

I know this should be in "Childminders etc"..but there is a reason i dont want to post this in there....

DD (3.5) has, since we started taking her to the childminder twice a week not particularly liked it. It took her a long time to settle, and even now, occasionally she says she doesnt want to go to "X"s house. Not a huge big deal, but she says it. When we ask why she never says. She just says she doesnt want to.

I've not paid much attention to it because DS (19 mths) seems perfectly happy there. She goes to pre-school 5 mornings a week and is perfectly happy going there. She loves it, actually.

Anyway, last night DP picked them up from the childminders. He is on late shift this week so he picks them up at about 6.30-7pm. This is a regular arrangement and CM gets paid more when DP is on late shift.

He brought them home and went to give DS his milk and DD her warm milk, and she had a "hissy fit" because she hadnt had dinner yet. (She doesnt like any change to her "routine" mainly). When DP asked her if X had given her dinner - she said no. He asked what she'd eaten and she said "biscuits". He asked what else she'd had, and she said "water, from a dirty cup". She has repeated the same thing over and over since last night when asked. The "water, from a dirty cup" is not something she'd come out iykwim. We asked what DS had eaten and she said "biscuits and water".

Now, if this is true then I think its pretty poor to have a child from 2.30 until 7pm and not give them dinner, and to think giving them biscuits as a suitable alternative to dinner, if that really is the case. DD is not in to telling tall stories yet, but, I just want to be sure about it before I bring it up.

Aside from the fact that my children went hungry - which is bad enough - she one of the more expensive CM's around here and its agreed she'll feed them when DP is on lates.

DP had to give them both a sandwich last night when he got home at gone 7pm.

There are other issues that have been bugging me recently (like having major building works in her house and not giving us pre-warning and only 2 weeks in saying "If you arent happy with the mess and paint fumes you are welcome not to bring them for a couple of weeks" - er yeah, like I can find someone at short notice to look after them), and her mucking me about with one minute saying she could have them on a Monday, and then at the last minute changing her mind.

Sorry its a bit of a ramble but I think I probably need to change CM's but its a HUGE hassle and I'd like other peoples POV before I do anything.....

Thanks, if you managed to read this far!

OP posts:
zephyrcat · 29/11/2006 11:14

I'd be furious to be honest. It sounds to me like she can't really be bothered if she can't even feed them a meal. Surely she can't think that you are going to get them home at 7ish and then cook a meal for them if she has any idea about small children?! I may be tempted to ask DD again in a few more days and see if she says again that she hasn't had any dinner and then approach the childminder. At the end of the day you are paying someone your hard earned money to look after your children in the manner you'd look after them yourself and if she can't do that then I'd find another... (although agree it's a PITA but would rather have fed children!)

zephyrcat · 29/11/2006 11:16

What did dp say about it?

Piffle · 29/11/2006 11:16

if she agreed to feed them dinner on lates, then she should
I'd ask her for her side and go from there, if she lies and you know for sure your dd is not lying, then I'd go nuts
Appreciate the hassle though...

Avalon · 29/11/2006 11:17

Can you 'forget' something and drop in with it unexpectedly?

You may get some idea from the state of the house and mood of the kids?

jura · 29/11/2006 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cedar12 · 29/11/2006 11:23

If you have got worries i would try and find someone else as soon as possible. I think you get a feeling about these things go with your gut feeling.

zephyrcat · 29/11/2006 11:24

You could ask her "Did dd eat much of her dinner last night? She asked for a sandwich when we got in" and make light of it ... if she says yes she ate dinner, ask what she had and see if she has to think about it or looks like she's lying..

santasdoingtheironing · 29/11/2006 11:33

When my DTS were younger than yours about 2.5 they complained about the nursery which they were in for a short while.
TBH I did not pay much attention and I put it down to the fact that they were new to nursery and had been at home prior to this
I had visited the nursery and thought that it was good.
Anyway last year when they were 10 they started to talk about the nursery and how awful it was and how unhappy they were.
I suppose what I am saying is that I would listen to your DD as there may be some truth in it and because she seems unhappy

WhizzBangCaligula · 29/11/2006 11:51

Whether or not your DD has forgotten she ate, she's obviously not happy there and the CM is obviously shite. Having major building works going on and not warning someone up front is not on imo.

It might be a hassle to change, but it's less of a hassle than having a crap CM.

WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 11:53

If you're remotely uncomfortable, change cms. Really, it's too important. I know it's a faff but you may all be a lot happier as a result.

MascaraOHaraIncredibleSheHulk · 29/11/2006 11:55

My fabbo CM keeps a daily diary and always includes what dd has eaten (or what she hasn't) and a brief synopsis of the day.. it's really nice to pick it up and have a flick through what they've been doing. Perhaps you could suggest something similar. My CM suggested I also write in it so that it's like a handover but I never have and had actually forgotten about that bit until I just wrote this

Anyway, perhaps a diary type thing could help?

bakedpotato · 29/11/2006 11:59

I wouldn't assume the biscuits and dirty cup thing is true.
Children don't notice things like dirty cups, do they? It sounds like something from a story.
But clearly you have to talk to CM.
Also don't think it's that odd for a child to say they're hungry and demolish huge snack an hour after vast tea. Mine do it most night, much to my irritation...

expatinscotland · 29/11/2006 12:02

I'd be pretty angry.

Did she not at least offer them a snack?

throckenholt · 29/11/2006 12:13

I don't think my nearly 4 year old would make up a story about drinnking from dirty cups (although it may not actually mean dirty as in the way you understand it).

I would go with your instincts - and investigate alternatives.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/11/2006 12:20

I'm not over-reacting then......grr. Could do without this. I cant drop in suddenly because I cant leave my desk to go to the toilet without getting cover so its just not feasible.

DP was not happy either. He's not one for confrontation though, and in fact when he picks them up, I know that he doenst really ask about their day - he just wants to get them and go. (Kinda fair enough i think).

Re the dirty cup - DD unfortunately does notice this kind of thing (hates mess on her hands, wont wear something if she thinks its dirty, wont touch a tissue if she thinks its been used, etc so i'm inclined to think this is something that would have happened (even if it was just a stain or something on the cup and not dirt).

Ho hum, off to find the latest CM lists for my area then

OP posts:
Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/11/2006 12:21

and thanks for replying

OP posts:
zephyrcat · 29/11/2006 12:23

V - my dd would pick up on a dirty cup too so would expect that to say something like that it would be true.

Hopefully you can find someone who is more interested in the children they look fter

Jimjams2 · 29/11/2006 12:26

Children of this age often start telling stories- ds2 did and would tell me all sorts of nonsense about nursery (I'd hide and watch- if I pointed out he'd start smiling and use big wide eyes as if to say "me?").

I'd ask the CM for her side of the story first tbh. I would think it very unlikely she hadn't given them dinner. All that sort of stuff should be clearly stated though.

The building thing may not be her fault. We are having a lot of building work done- despite my repeated requests for notice (I need it so I can sort out ds1) I find it hard for builders too give me more than 1 days notice. 2 turned up yesterday to work on the roof without even telling me they were coming (this is a good company as well).

SilentBite · 29/11/2006 12:26

Hmm

my dd often makes stuff up about what she has eaten at nursery!

could the dirty cup just be one with tea stains or something? Or maybe a mug with a dark colour inside

jomorgan · 29/11/2006 12:32

Definately bk to the list of CM's i wud say. Also just thought i'd add that i'm a qualified nanny looking for temp work starting asap if u live in the london area and need someone to fill in until they start with new CM? Just a thought...mail me on [email protected] if interested...

FredBassett · 29/11/2006 12:35

Why don't you tell the childminder that you are keeping a food diary as DD has been waking in the night and you think it may be to do with certain foods, then you will know exactly what she is being fed.

My DS gets a bit freaked by holes in socks and goes on and on about them, some things really affect them don't they?

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/11/2006 12:38

Well, I did wonder about the telling stories.

I've asked her today what she had at nursery for a snack. She's told me exactly what she's had. (And I know what she has because they tell me in the morning because she has a special diet).

The building work is having a new kitchen fitted and removing of the downstairs toilet. I would imagine with having your kitchen done they give you notice due to the knowing when you will/wont have water/cooker/fridge etc.

downloading council lists now.

OP posts:
ernest · 29/11/2006 13:18

well, fwiw I think you're doing the right thing. Whether or not the (lack of ) feeding is true, or the cup was or wasn't dirty, if she's not happy there, she deserves to be listened to. My ds went to a nursery thing and they insisted it had to be full days. He just wasn't happy being away from home the whole day. I gave it a month then saw he wasn't getting any happier about it, didn't feel 100% confident they were telling me the truth eg how much he'd been crying. Loads of people said stuff along the lines of pandering to him, if I dropped this after just 1 month, what'll I do when he has to start school and he doesn't like it etc etc. But he was really unhappy, why force little ones to go to places they hate. If we had a job we hated we'd try to change, right? He had no problems at all starting school , and he still remembers that place, and most importantly, remembers I listened to him and took him seriously

MerryChipmonkAndAHappyNewey · 29/11/2006 13:52

VVVQV, ds1 once told me that the one of the minders in his creche was eating his soya based yoghurts and giving him Petits Filous, to which he was allergic.
After investigation, it turned out to be true! I knew it was true simply because he repeated a conversation between two of the minders ( one was scolding the other for eating his yoghurts!) and he used a phrase that he wouldn't have thought up on his own.

Hallgerda · 29/11/2006 14:14

If you can't trust her, you won't have any peace of mind. I'm afraid you do need to change. The fact she's messing you around is enough justification, even without the food problem. Sooner or later she'll do it on a day that really matters to your employer, and you'll be in a mess.