Right, DD told DP some things last night that concern me a little

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

I know this should be in "Childminders etc"..but there is a reason i dont want to post this in there....

DD (3.5) has, since we started taking her to the childminder twice a week not particularly liked it. It took her a long time to settle, and even now, occasionally she says she doesnt want to go to "X"s house. Not a huge big deal, but she says it. When we ask why she never says. She just says she doesnt want to.

I've not paid much attention to it because DS (19 mths) seems perfectly happy there. She goes to pre-school 5 mornings a week and is perfectly happy going there. She loves it, actually.

Anyway, last night DP picked them up from the childminders. He is on late shift this week so he picks them up at about 6.30-7pm. This is a regular arrangement and CM gets paid more when DP is on late shift.

He brought them home and went to give DS his milk and DD her warm milk, and she had a "hissy fit" because she hadnt had dinner yet. (She doesnt like any change to her "routine" mainly). When DP asked her if X had given her dinner - she said no. He asked what she'd eaten and she said "biscuits". He asked what else she'd had, and she said "water, from a dirty cup". She has repeated the same thing over and over since last night when asked. The "water, from a dirty cup" is not something she'd come out iykwim. We asked what DS had eaten and she said "biscuits and water".

Now, if this is true then I think its pretty poor to have a child from 2.30 until 7pm and not give them dinner, and to think giving them biscuits as a suitable alternative to dinner, if that really is the case. DD is not in to telling tall stories yet, but, I just want to be sure about it before I bring it up.

Aside from the fact that my children went hungry - which is bad enough - she one of the more expensive CM's around here and its agreed she'll feed them when DP is on lates.

DP had to give them both a sandwich last night when he got home at gone 7pm.

There are other issues that have been bugging me recently (like having major building works in her house and not giving us pre-warning and only 2 weeks in saying "If you arent happy with the mess and paint fumes you are welcome not to bring them for a couple of weeks" - er yeah, like I can find someone at short notice to look after them), and her mucking me about with one minute saying she could have them on a Monday, and then at the last minute changing her mind.

Sorry its a bit of a ramble but I think I probably need to change CM's but its a HUGE hassle and I'd like other peoples POV before I do anything.....

Thanks, if you managed to read this far!

It is an agreement that she feeds them on alternate weeks when DP is on lates. Up until now, she has done. Well.....most of the time.

DP was supposed to ask today when he picked them up, but, being anti-confrontation as usual, he asked if DS and she "ate well", so CM said yes, she/he did. He left it at that. But asked DD when they got in the car and she repeated the biscuits thing again. No dirty cup this time apparently.....

I'm going to have to speak to her myself on Tuesday. Ho hum.

VVV, sounds like you'll have to talk to her then. Can you line up someone else before you do (realise that's pushing it to be signed and sealed - but have you spoken to anyone else yet?).

JJ, it was agreed that this CM would feed them - says so in the OP?

crikey thats bad vvvqv. i would definitely look elsewhere but do still bring it up with your cm to see how she reacts

Well you need to ask her then. It's very odd if she's not feeding ther- all the CM I know have been very professional.

But there are some that are utter bobbins too, JJ

Have only read your OP VVVQV, so may be repeating other posters with my views...however my dd attended Nursery 3 days per week from age 6 months to 3.5. She was happy until she moved to the 2-3 year old section then we had histrionics every day when I dropped her off at Nursery.

Maddeningly (is that a word) she would never articulate precisely what was wrong...I quit work last December (and she quit Day Nursery) and she had precisely 3 weeks at home before she started Pre School 4 mornings a week. Wellllll - she took to Pre School like a duck to water. Never a complaint when I left her there - and yet developmentally she was the same child (just 3 weeks older). In fact she was positively chomping at the bit to go there ...

I'll never get to the bottom of it but clearly something was awry at her Nursery.

Your dd seems unhappy with her current childminder and intuitively you feel the same. It may be that your dd won't be consistent or entirely lucid about what the problem is, but it does seem that there is a problem.

Possibly time to look elsewhere (sympathies re the hassle and upheaval!)

Well first port of call is to talk to her and establish what has been going on. 3 is developmentally the time that stories start being told- which is a good thing - because it means a child is developing normally, but normally developing children are good at this- and it means you have to ask the adult their side of the story as well to try and piece together what is going on.

At 3 ds2 started to tell me that no-one would play with him, he was totally alone- we had it all in great detail, so I a) asked bursery and b) hid and observed- he was in the midst of it all. He'sd always going on about things being dirty as well. (as is ds1 actually- so sometimes I think it goes with language development).

I don't think you (one) can come to any sensible conclusions until you've spoken to the cm. Aged 4 ds2 will still swaer to me that he has had nothing to eat (except he's wearing it so I know he's exagerating).

I;m just expressing surprise as I have been so very impressed by how professional the childminders I've used have been (one graded good/very good (can;t remember ofsted gradings), one outstanding).

I did however drop a CM because of something I couldn;t quite put my finger on- just didn't feel right. Would still ask the Cm though about something specific like providing dinner- especially if you're paying for it.

Indeed. DD LOVES pre-school. Cant wait to get there. Loves going to grandads or nan or grandad coming here to look after her. Its just the CM she says she doesnt want.

She's not good at articulating things sometimes. Her speech is not fab you see.

Am going to look elsewhere anyway. Cant be in doubt.

I will do. (DP is a coward lol). thanks jj.

If its the start of story telling (embellishing spelling??) enjoy it. I really love ds2's. He tells me all sorts. Trouble is they then believe everything everyone tells them. You would not believe the energy I have had to put into telling ds2 that X did not creep into his bedroom while he was asleep and see a monster in there.

If you;re not happy with a CM then change though- seriously there are lots of very professional childminders out there, no need to go with anyone who isn't.

AS a CM I feed my mindees and if parents are going to be late picking up they usually put in their evening meal for me to reheat(they prepare their meals the day before and like the DC to have what they are having even if not together) This system works well for us both. If on the odd ocassion they havent had time to make the meal then I make them a cooked meal with my DC.

Would it be an option to send their tea to be served by cm?

One of the little ones I look after clings to parent and looks like she hates coming to me but is the happiest child the minute parent closes the door. She is jolly and bright and gets stuck in with everything until pick up time then she puts on this sad face as though she has been miserable all day. Parents and I can laugh about it and we have decided she should go to Drama school LOL

If you are in anyway not happy with your cm you should have a chat with her and look elsewhere if necessary. Good luck.

Thanks BBM.

I spoke to the CM today. I simply asked what they had for dinner last week - she seemed a bit thrown by the question (over the top head scratching gestures and puzzlement), and said she couldnt remember, "oh Tuesday was fishcake and chips.....cant remember Thursday".

So, I said to her that DD had said last week when DP asked what she had for dinner, that she said she'd had no dinner (not strictly true - she kicked up a fuss when DP went to put them to bed saying she couldnt go yet - she hadnt had dinner), and when he asked what she had eaten, she'd said biscuits and water (didnt mention the dirty cup).

CM said that they had been given biscuits and water, but as a snack. I gave her a "get-out" by saying, "Well, I did think it strange, because seh said the same thing on Thursday too which seemed like story-telling...."

She then turned to DD and said "DD - dont you remember X (her DH) making you fishcake and chips the other day?" DD nodded faintly...but looked generally bemused by the whole thing....

I dont buy it........I'm definitely going to change now. I just need to do lots of forward planning now because DD starts school in Sept and my Childcare needs will change - and possibly even my job.

Thankfully, this week, DP is on early shift so he is doing their dinner. Well, reheating the dinner I've made for them today

Thanks for all your comments on this.

That sounds like the smart move.