Right, DD told DP some things last night that concern me a little

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

I know this should be in "Childminders etc"..but there is a reason i dont want to post this in there....

DD (3.5) has, since we started taking her to the childminder twice a week not particularly liked it. It took her a long time to settle, and even now, occasionally she says she doesnt want to go to "X"s house. Not a huge big deal, but she says it. When we ask why she never says. She just says she doesnt want to.

I've not paid much attention to it because DS (19 mths) seems perfectly happy there. She goes to pre-school 5 mornings a week and is perfectly happy going there. She loves it, actually.

Anyway, last night DP picked them up from the childminders. He is on late shift this week so he picks them up at about 6.30-7pm. This is a regular arrangement and CM gets paid more when DP is on late shift.

He brought them home and went to give DS his milk and DD her warm milk, and she had a "hissy fit" because she hadnt had dinner yet. (She doesnt like any change to her "routine" mainly). When DP asked her if X had given her dinner - she said no. He asked what she'd eaten and she said "biscuits". He asked what else she'd had, and she said "water, from a dirty cup". She has repeated the same thing over and over since last night when asked. The "water, from a dirty cup" is not something she'd come out iykwim. We asked what DS had eaten and she said "biscuits and water".

Now, if this is true then I think its pretty poor to have a child from 2.30 until 7pm and not give them dinner, and to think giving them biscuits as a suitable alternative to dinner, if that really is the case. DD is not in to telling tall stories yet, but, I just want to be sure about it before I bring it up.

Aside from the fact that my children went hungry - which is bad enough - she one of the more expensive CM's around here and its agreed she'll feed them when DP is on lates.

DP had to give them both a sandwich last night when he got home at gone 7pm.

There are other issues that have been bugging me recently (like having major building works in her house and not giving us pre-warning and only 2 weeks in saying "If you arent happy with the mess and paint fumes you are welcome not to bring them for a couple of weeks" - er yeah, like I can find someone at short notice to look after them), and her mucking me about with one minute saying she could have them on a Monday, and then at the last minute changing her mind.

Sorry its a bit of a ramble but I think I probably need to change CM's but its a HUGE hassle and I'd like other peoples POV before I do anything.....

Thanks, if you managed to read this far!

I would move her quite aside from the whole dinner-or-no-dinner issue -- she's not happy there even after being given time to settle, and you have your own concerns, built up over a perios of time, about how the CM operates. I think you and your DD would probably be better off with a different CM.

I'm not saying it did or didn't happen or that your DD might be making things up, but you know how when you ask a child what they did at school all day and they say "nothing", well could that sort of be the case here?

Also perhaps the CM did make something which your DD didn't eat but she did eat a biscuit? It's a possibility.

I think what I'm saying here is it might not be as cut and dry as your CM just didn't feed your DD.

If there are other issues then you need to rethingk you CM, hassle though it may be.

Sorry that you've got hassles though, it's not nice and if you do have to change it will be a massive pita.

My childminder also writes me a diary every day and emails me photos of DD2 and sticks others into the book. She's 11 months old now and I get 'artwork' sent home with photos of her paionting it. You deserve the same.

Most childminders have a 'book' where they write in what the mindees have eaten that day. Does your cm? Perhaps you could mention it, because I think they're supposed to. My cm does.

Aw, poor DD

I would be inclined to believe her - I know she'd have noticed the dirty cup - DS1 would too, I think. When he was a baby, he used to crawl up to me saying "bits, bits" with bits of fluff in his hand when we were at other people's houses though, but I digress.

I would say that she is likely to be telling the truth, especially about not having eaten - if she'd had dinner, she'd not have had a hissy fit and demanded more food, surely? Although DS1 would, but he's a gannet and often asks for lunch 15 minutes after he's finished his breakfast.

Definitely research other options. Sorry you have this worry, V x x x

I agree that you need to check it out - my DS2 calls garlic bread "dirty" bread and asks for a clean piece LOL. "Dirty" may be something different here too?

LOL at dirty bread.

DP says that usually, when he asks DD what she had for dinner its always "chips" with something (burger, fishfingers etc)

When he asked last night what she had for dinner she said she didnt have dinner (I have just re-read my OP which says "DP asked her if X had given her dinner", which should of course say "DP asked DD what she had eaten for dinner").

I think I will change anyway. I knew I should have gone with the man....ho hum.

VVV, are you at work atm?

Had you seen or considered a bloke then too QV ?

too / as well I mean

hi i would listen to your dd i think because when i was about 7 and my brother was 2 we had a cm andmy mum thought she was great but she wouldn't let us have a drink she used to smack my brother he couldn't tell any one because hes autistic so had no language i told my mum and she didn't belive me untill my dad came home early one night and saw her hit my brother

Yes, I have Hub. He seemed fine. My only reservation was that he was newly registered and seemed a little "green".

He has just the one child......

MY DS - official diagnosis by DD's Paed yesterday...."He's constantly on the go, isnt he?" Said at least three times.......

I felt someone who was familiar with being with LOTS of children would be better. You live and learn.

Thats shocking bogie!!!

The guy might still have slots, QV ! Give him a bell !

I will do.......!!! He lives about 200 yds from me too! Bonus!

Brill - plus he will be less green, and if you're ds is v. v. energetic, someone with less kids to look after might actually be better as your ds will receive so much more one on one attention.

(I think even if the dinner thing / cup thing is just a big misunderstanding, you should still give the bloke a buzz to see if he's got space / what ages he is minding etc. You could even ask about his 'emergency availability' for when your cm is sick or her kitchen remodelling drags on etc.)

if he is v v energetic?

He was literally trying to climb the walls in the hospital yesterday.

He doesnt actually want one to one attention. He just wants to do everything, all at the same time, all the time.

LOL. Erm - I take it this is simply inate Victorian exuberance, not hyper-off-food stuff ?

You need to buy him those sucker things they use to carry large sheets of glass around then he could really go vertical.

LOL! We dont have foodstuff in the house that could make him go hyper (DD has plenty of allergies).

Those things are fab! They are great for pulling out dents on car bodywork.

I would just ask the childminder what she has eaten and ask her to let you know each day ,my dd is 4 but I've always had a very straighforward relationship with her childminder. My dd has on occasions made up stories that the CM has not fed her when I know she has, I give her food to the CM , be it pasta,a sandwich, soup, yogurts etc and the CM wraps up what was not eaten in a little bag so I know what she has or has'nt eaten that day. I would not be uncomfortable about asking her its part of her job and you are paying also my CM is always moaning on about the fact she has to keep a written log on each child every day and its part of Ofsted , so she writes everything in summary they have eaten, done, etc in case of an inspection. not sure if this helps you.

do you not get an information sheet for your children about what they have eatern done etc

i am a cm have been for 3 yrs and always give info sheets out

the children i look after are here till 6.30pm and we alway eat a proper sit down meal at 6pm there is normally my dh, my 2 ds's and 2 mindees and me for dinner

i find it a lovely 1/2 hr just light chat and eating

got one mindee who mum want her to have dinner at home but by the time they eat its 7pm so i do her a butty etc at 4.30 to put her on and then she goes for a sleep 5.30 till 6ish

cant think how a biscuit is very good at least some fruit

my afterschoolers have an ice-lolly, fruit, crisps or biscuit, fruit (again), toast and juice
every night and i have 10 of them to feed as well as my 2 (got a 6 slicer toaster) bit hectic at mine from 3.15 till 4pm

Where do you live dmo

Preston (north west)
hope you find yourself a lovely childminder their are some lovely ones out there but also some bad ones
good luck

DAMMIT!!!!

Ta

What did the childminder say when you asked her? I find it odd that it wouldn't be agreed in advance whether she was going to feed your child or not. The 2 childmninders I've used have been extremely professional. I had to provide food at one childminders because ds3 can't have gluten (do the same at nursery); his other childminder cooks gf etc food for him. All agreed in advance.