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Original poster

neighbour's rang and asked to borrow £100. Yikes, what do I do??

57 replies

ernest · 10/11/2006 22:50

Ok, neighbour lives about 6 doors up. Her h walked out on her & 2 kids. Still around a lot taking kids to footie etc. He gives her money. Think she works part time

She rings me up this pm, says she's been stressing about whether she should ring me & difficult to ask etc etc, but the money her h has given her this month not enough, got bills to pay etc - can I lend her £100??!!! I am crap & saying no. Am also crap at hiding feeling so sure I sounded dubious on phone but sort of agreed to try and get to bank tomorrow.

Think is, I've had problems retrieving (much smaller) amounts from her in past, we're not best pals,in fact not seen her for ages, as she doesn't venture out in cold weather. But our kids are mates & go to school together. I feel bad she's having shit time with h, and feel bad for her kids, but also think she must know a million people better than me to ask, and I am a brooder, and I know it will bother me to lend it as I had problems getting money back before, but I think this is down to her 'charmingly forgetful' nature rather than dliberatley avoinding.

But ifI lend it, what happens if she doesn't pay me back? And hristmas is on way?
Basically, I don't want to do it, but how do I get out of it without causing problems with neighbourly relations?

Or am I being really tight to poor neighbour with bastard dh & I should do the right thing and lend it?

Why did she bloody have to ask me. It's not a tenner is it?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/11/2006 22:52

Well, I don't have £100 to lend anyone, so the answer would be no.

Sorry, but if she hasn't paid you back in the past in a timely fashion, I'd kiss that £100 goodbye.

She asked you b/c she knows you are a sucker.

NomDePlume · 10/11/2006 22:52

I would say that I'd like to help but I don't have that sort of money hanging around

Avalon · 10/11/2006 22:53

Say you've checked your bank and haven't the money this week/this month?

You could point her to your local credit union or suggest a dss emergency loan?

expatinscotland · 10/11/2006 22:54

But the OP has already hinted she'll got a bank tomorrow.

Ernest, you're right, you're not her pal.

You're her mark.

SherlockLGJ · 10/11/2006 22:56

Certainly

No problem.........

When hell freezes over.

maggiesmama · 10/11/2006 22:57

grandpa said "never a borrower nor a lender be". also "never lend what you cant afford to give". if you can afford to give her 100 earth pounds, and that is something you want to do, then great, up to you. if not, absolutely dont. because you prob wont get it back, at least not without undue stress.

bubble99 · 10/11/2006 22:58

I'd say no. I may be a horrible old cynic but the fact that you've not retrieved the small amounts that you've lent to her in the past would probably make her think that you won't press her to repay the £100 she's asked for this time.

If you don't feel comfortable with a straight "No," tell her that you're overdrawn and the bank won't let you withdraw any money.

Original poster
ernest · 10/11/2006 22:59

ok, so I'm not a bitch for saying no? God I'm crap at people things. How do I get out of it after tactily agreeing?

I knoe NdP & Av have basically answered (thank you) but I need someone to hold my hand. Why did she bloody ask me??

OP posts:
Californifrau · 10/11/2006 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hatwoman · 10/11/2006 23:00

could you just bite the bullet and be honest: "you caught me by suprise yesterday and I know I said I'd see if I could get to the bank, but I thought long and hard about it last night, (maybe say you talked to your dh/p?) and I just haven't got that sort of money to spare at the moment. I'm sorry" - it's honest, reasonable and it'll make you feel a whole lot better

charliecat · 10/11/2006 23:00

Go to the bank...or pretend too, and on your return say that dp/dh has been on a mad spending spree for Xmas and youve not enough to cover yourself this month either.

expatinscotland · 10/11/2006 23:01

That is rather cheeky to ask at Xmas time, though.

SherlockLGJ · 10/11/2006 23:01

Ermmmmmmmmmm Hello...........

How about a straightforward NO, you will feel so liberated.

hatwoman · 10/11/2006 23:02

and if you're feeling bad because of her situation assuage your conscience by inviting her kids round to tea or offering to babysit cos you're sure she needs a bit of help...or doing teh school run for her etc

Gillian76 · 10/11/2006 23:06

Sorry but I just don't have the money to lend you. It will leave us short.

I would only consider lending that sort of money to my family, and only if they were desperate. Most of them would never ask though.

Original poster
ernest · 10/11/2006 23:07

ok, gut feeling is she'll try and barter me down to a smaller amount. I feel like if I say, sorry, I haven't got £100, she'll say well what about £50 - 'no sorry' 'well, what can you afford to lend me then'?. how do you answer that?? She can be a bit forward. OMG, I sound so pathetic. I really don't want to do it, cos it's got me all chewed over already. I know it'll niggle at me constantly.

OP posts:
Snowstorm · 10/11/2006 23:07

I agree with what everyone else has said - don't do it, you'd be kicking yourself and probably regretting it for a long time. I'd do what Bubble99 suggests.

Gillian76 · 10/11/2006 23:08

She sounds in yer face rather than forward!

Can you 'blame' your DH? Say you've spoken to DH and he's not willing to lend out any money when you're so close to CHristmas. We're all short.

Offer practical help as has been suggested, if you feel you can.

Gillian76 · 10/11/2006 23:09

If it's any consolation, I would be the same. It's much easier to give than accept advice

expatinscotland · 10/11/2006 23:12

'well, what can you afford to lend me then'?

A helping hand?

A friendly ear?

Sorry, but she's already sussed out you're an easy mark.

nannyme · 10/11/2006 23:12

Right now, minus the dubious ex, we are in a similar situation to your neighbour. It isn't our fault, and it also isn't the first time we have been in this situation.

I wouldn't want anyone to lend mw this money but I wouldn't say no to help. I know that, our finances as they are, we woudl struggle to pay anyone back if they did lend us the money we badly need.

As it happens we found a food parcel on our front step the other morning. Our neighbours know our predicament because it is common knowledge that our landlord has stitched us up right left and centre and thus we have no money this month and no heating.

We have accepted the food parcel gratefully but our plan was to put on extra jumpers, buy loads of veggies on Tuesday when we will probably have about 30 euros to spend and survive on sensible cooking.

If she really is desperate then surely she can go get a crisis loan as somebody else said and live on the bare minumum for a bit. It is amazing what you can create with a few veggies and bread and milk and very basic basics like this.

Where there's a will there's a way.

Don't feel bad, I wouldn't even with my shit experience colouring my view. If you do feel bad, buy her some bread, milk, carrots, lentils, a few onions and some chocolate and relax.

Original poster
ernest · 10/11/2006 23:25

wow expatinscotland, you are brutal!

Anyway, I will not give, dreading telling her tomorrow. Will use your wise words and ideas. Wish me luck.

Thanks again, can't believe how many replied so quick. Feel better already, but even better once I've spoken to her.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/11/2006 23:29

And picking on an easy mark for £100 at Xmas isn't?

I mean, c'mon, you've had trouble getting her to pay back smaller amounts.

That says it all.

TyrNannyOgg · 10/11/2006 23:37

"Sorry, I can't because I lent someone £100 last month and they haven't paid it back, so I haven't got it. I can't afford to lend anything at all out this month."

busybusymum · 10/11/2006 23:38

How about a white lie? tell her when you checked your bank you didnt have anything spare in there!

You could suggest that she sees the relevant authorities about helping her through this rough patch.

I have experience of this lending within a family and beleive me if you give her £100 she will be back for more, probably to fund her kiddies christmas whilst yours will be going short. It will happen honestly.

Good luck its not easy but unless you want to be her bank you must put a stop to it now.