neighbour's rang and asked to borrow £100. Yikes, what do I do??

[ernest]

Ok, neighbour lives about 6 doors up. Her h walked out on her & 2 kids. Still around a lot taking kids to footie etc. He gives her money. Think she works part time

She rings me up this pm, says she's been stressing about whether she should ring me & difficult to ask etc etc, but the money her h has given her this month not enough, got bills to pay etc - can I lend her £100??!!! I am crap & saying no. Am also crap at hiding feeling so sure I sounded dubious on phone but sort of agreed to try and get to bank tomorrow.

Think is, I've had problems retrieving (much smaller) amounts from her in past, we're not best pals,in fact not seen her for ages, as she doesn't venture out in cold weather. But our kids are mates & go to school together. I feel bad she's having shit time with h, and feel bad for her kids, but also think she must know a million people better than me to ask, and I am a brooder, and I know it will bother me to lend it as I had problems getting money back before, but I think this is down to her 'charmingly forgetful' nature rather than dliberatley avoinding.

But ifI lend it, what happens if she doesn't pay me back? And hristmas is on way?
Basically, I don't want to do it, but how do I get out of it without causing problems with neighbourly relations?

Or am I being really tight to poor neighbour with bastard dh & I should do the right thing and lend it?

Why did she bloody have to ask me. It's not a tenner is it?

Agree with Expat, I have been breadline poor before but asking a neighbour for £100 when you don't know them that well and already owe them money is asking, IMO, to be told to piss off.

You're right, she probably does know loads of other people she could ask, but they'd probably all say no.

Wait for her to call again and tell her you don't have as much in the bank as you thought you had,

You need what you have for xmas and your own bills.

Tell her to call the companies she owes cash to, to ask if she can pay in smaller amounts.

It really isn't your problem.

You'd have to really, really, really friendly with your neighbour to borrow that amount.

Just say look love im really sorry you're having a shit time and i'd help if i could afford t give my well earnt money away but i cant and as you aren't reliable at paying back i cant lend it to you so please don't ask me again.

everyone is right, this is her promblem, maybe she's crap at budgeting maybe she should ask her bastard ex to give her more money, maybe she should ask for more hours at work, maybe she should ask the dss but what she shouldn't be doing is putting you in this situation adn you have every right to tell her this. imh pissed opinion.

I lent money to desperate friends in the past, and they never could pay me back so promptly proceeded to avoid me at all costs out of their embarrassment.

I lost both the money AND the friendship. I would never lend money to anybody again except close family or if it was legally formalised on paper and secured against something (like property).

I don't think you are being tight in the slightest, I would not under any circumstances lend that to her given that she didn't pay a smaller amount back in the past (I probably wouldn't even if that hadn't happened actually as I think lending money leads to a whole load of trouble unless it is family which can also lead to trouble !)

I'd just say that you sat down with DH last night and had a good look at your finances and you unfortunetly you aren't currently in the position to help at all. If she starts saying can't you spare anything, just say say a firm "sorry, that's not possible at present" And do NOT feel guilty about it.

If you want to help do it on a practical level as others have suggested ie spare clothing for the children if you have any available, some food from the cupboard.

If she hasnt repaid you in the past I think basically you wont be lending her it you will be giving her it. So you need to ask your self can you afford to give her the money now and do you want to.

I think even if I could lend her it I wouldnt, I would say something along the lines that I dont have the money at the moment with christmas coming up. I just feel it can ruin a friendship when you give/lend a friend money.

good luck its not a nice position to be in

Blimey what a cheek.

I'd just say no sorry, I haven't got it to lend.

I honestly wouldn't feel bad about it either. She has borrowed from you before and not repaid you so I honestly wouldn't feel guilty about saying no.

well I've done the deed and said no. I rang her and went with the dh won't agree to it line, as I thought if I said I didn't have the money it'd leave the door open to ask again and again. As it is, I am a sahm, and while generally we consider the money dh earnsto be totally joint, I nevertheless wouldn't spend a large sum on myself without at least discussing with him, and I don't think I should be lending 'his' money out. I decided at least if I emphasised the point it was 'his' money and he says no, then she wouldn't ask me again.

I did feel really bad tho, but at least she seemed to take it on the chin and didn't say anything to make me feel worse. Her ds is round ours now playing (well, being forced to watch Doctor Who) so at least neighbourly relations intact which was a big conern for me.

Thank you all so much, can't believe how many of you helped. Was an unpleasant situation to be in and you've been briilliant.

Good for you ernest and clver thinking to 'blame'it on DH so she won't ask again.

Have you forewarned dh so that when she starts giving him filthy looks he'll know why??

Well done for biting the bullet - bet you feel hugely relieved!

Gosh how awkward - you handled it well

Maybe talk to her and say is there anything else you can do to help - can you have her and her kids over for dinner or something?

Well handled

In future you could try the stuck record technique, so when she says

'can you lend me £x? you say
'no, sorry, I can't.' and just STOP. Don't elaborate or explain, she isn't OWED an explanation. And to whatever she says just say 'no, I can't' that's it, don't deviate, don't make it an opportunity for discussion, there's nothing to be discussed, you just can't.

Well done for saying no.

ha ha freckle, yes, I told him. He's away on business atm (another reason I had to turn to all you starts for advice as my 2 yr old isn't so good at talking things through, lol), so he's well out of it anyway.

I really emphasised the point that I don't earn money, so haven't any money of my own to lend out, so hopefully she won't ask again. Her kids are good kids & the ds is round at ours or at least out playing with ours loads. I really don't think that things are that bad that feeding themis an issue. They have a huge 5 bedroom brand new house, all the material things you could want for, and a lodger as well as the money from her h and her part time job. But not fun either, I'm sure. Am of course prepared to help in other ways if needed.

not really ss, don' worry. I won't let her eat me alive. ds was actually asking to go to hers this am, but I said 'no' as situation unresolved, then when I rang her up I invited him over to assuage my guilt a bit. She is definitely one of lifes takers, and I am wary of her. (often give her ds a lift to football as she can't drive, but that's still within my 'comfort zone'.) £100 isn't!

good on you its really hard to say no, it definately sounds like she is a taker at least there is no bad feeling

SO glad you were able to say now ernest, give wimps like me the confidence to think about saying noa bit more often too. Well done you!

I meant "say no", not "say now"

sorry not read all this but she sounds very hard faced from your description! I think I'd be just as hard-faced back.

Hatwoman had the perfect response - and it's also true. Keep on saying 'no' too, she'll soon get the picture.

I can't quite believe someone would go and ask a casual neighbour friend for a £100 loan!

You could try this, forget she asked and when she mentions it say, 'Oh shit, sorry, I thought I had told you, we can't do it as I have to pay in advance for christmas pressies', do you fancy coming bingo on thursday', kind of wash over it like it's no big deal.

Oh I see you've done the right thing - well done!

www suggestion was a good one too - no explanations required.

well done you did the right thing.