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Original poster

am i wasting my time with so-called friend?

55 replies

hairymclary · 09/10/2006 21:20

I've known this person for quite a while, we met through child-related things.
When we first met we seemed to really hit it off, chatted loads and met up 3-4 times a month with our kids.
Then after a while she stopped calling and didn't reply to texts very often. I thought maybe I had done something to upset her but she said not. Things stayed pretty low-key for a while though, we met up but pretty infrequently.
Anyway, a few months ago she had another baby. I got in touch and bought a present for the baby, and her, and her other child (not that the presents are really the point here) and tried to arrange to meet.
At first I got no replies to texts or phone calls but I just put that down to being busy with the new baby. I had a few replies to texts saying yes, she'd love to see me and ds but every time I suggested a place or time I got no reply.

So, am I wasting my time? I really like(d) this person, but right now I feel like she is taking the piss.

what would you do?

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 09/10/2006 21:21

To be totally honest I would just stop making contact.
If she is a real/true friend she would make contact with you.

lulumama · 09/10/2006 21:23

she might have PND and not want to be sociable and she might be struggling........ might be hard to commit to anything with a new baby, especially if she is feeling down,,,just a thought...

Original poster
hairymclary · 09/10/2006 21:23

yeah I did that. She texted me once but I was pissed off with her and didn't reply.
I suppose I ought to have realy, but then i feel like maybe I am just setting myself up for a fall again.

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 09/10/2006 21:24

Exactly hairy. Friendships are usually two sided. Sorry to be blunt but don't want you to get hurt again xx

Original poster
hairymclary · 09/10/2006 21:25

lulumama, I did think of that. I've seen her around online on another forum I use and she seems really upbeat but then that may just be a cover.

I just don't know what to do if that is the case, I don't know how to help

OP posts:
sweetheart · 09/10/2006 21:25

Why don't you text her and say that you know she must be very busy at the moment with the new baby and lots of family visits so you'll leave it her to her to call you when she knows she'll have some free time.

That way you have left the ball in her court and if she doesn't bother to call you know where you stand.

lulumama · 09/10/2006 21:26

why not send her a card - perhaps saying you are missing her and a little concerned , and see if she responds...if not then , at least you have tried,,,,

Original poster
hairymclary · 09/10/2006 21:29

sweetheart, i did that and never heard from her.
I know she has been out and about and met up with some other friends too.

you know what, the more I type this out the more I realise that it's a waste of time.

I think there must be something wrong with me because this ALWAYS happens

OP posts:
sweetheart · 09/10/2006 21:31

If you have already done that then I would suggest that you just don't bother anymore. I can't stand it when friendships become one sided!

Original poster
hairymclary · 09/10/2006 21:33

It just makes me sad. I've never been someone who has a lot of friends and it means a lot to me when I meet someone I really get on with, like I thought I did with this person.

OP posts:
sweetheart · 09/10/2006 21:37

Does she have lots of friends though - I know how hard it can be to keep in touch with lots of people. Perhaps you have the time but does she have an awful lot of people to get round. No excuse really but she may just have a different perception of friendship!

aaronsmummy · 09/10/2006 21:38

I am always to wary of people to form big friendships and have a lot of casual ones. I am very insecure and have been let down a lot so try and 'save' myself from the upset. I would leave it with this friend tbh

Original poster
hairymclary · 09/10/2006 21:39

Yeah maybe that's partly it. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if she just said that she was really busy or whatever, but she doesn't she just ignores me.
Then I see her arrangign to meet up with other people or whatever and I think well she has time for them, why not me?

ok, now I sound really pathetic! lol

OP posts:
aaronsmummy · 10/10/2006 07:26

Had a siliar thing happen to me. Went on a reunion last year and met up with my best friend from my teens, we had lost touch as she moved abroad after getting married. We went out once a week and it was great, she was a laugh but then started drinking too much and sleeping with different men then going home to her dh. I was getting fed up with her just disappearing for me it was about having a break from the kids for a couple of hours, she was reliving her youth. Anyway her dh found out and ahe keep cancelling arrangements, she wasn't interested in lunch o0ut of the cinema and then she stopped replying to my texts. Think she just used me really, anyone would have done. Always I have been let down by friends, probably my fault. I don't worry about it I have a few casual friends which i prefer.

Original poster
hairymclary · 10/10/2006 20:14

I am the same aaronsmummy. have very few friends that haven't let me down.
think there must just be something about me

OP posts:
SnowFrightBoooooo · 10/10/2006 20:34

omg! hairy, you sound like me! i seem to have friends then they bugger off. not sure why! at least i'm not on my own....

Original poster
hairymclary · 10/10/2006 20:41

ooh maybe we should start a club.
I think I must have some really annoying habit or something that people don't notice at first but then becomes obvious making them dislike me.
I've even asked DH but he says not. though, he would say that wouldn't he?

OP posts:
SnowFrightBoooooo · 10/10/2006 21:45

my dh thinks im paranoid. ohhhhh maybe i am! no, they definately stop calling me or start ignoring me at school....

bouncy · 11/10/2006 09:09

How old are the children, just asking thatI had a really good friend who I loved spending time with, but her ds was a pain, always fighting and trashing my house, I liked being around my friend without her ds, when I mentioned it to her she would dismiss things saying its age and I could never talk to her, I slowly cut down contact and fizzled out the friendship, I thought it was much kinder then saying look I like you but your ds I don't want in my house because he trashes it, calls ds names, hurts him and when I mention it to you, it gets dismissed.

aaronsmummy · 11/10/2006 09:10

I feel like they get bored of me but I can't be that bad I have been with dh for 15 years lol

SnowFrightBoooooo · 11/10/2006 17:10

aaronsmummy, thats how i feel!! dh reckons its my mind or its just women are fickle mortals....cheeky so and so....

I guess its a valid point about kids trashing others houses. I have just had my friend over with her monster. has caused major carnage and nearly squashed my baby!!! Arghhhhhh....Poor ds looked in shock!

lulumama · 11/10/2006 17:17

better to have one or two friends you can really count on than 10 who disappear in a puff of smoke when the going gets tough!

it usually says more about the person breaking off the friendship than about you, so don't feel bad..

Original poster
hairymclary · 11/10/2006 20:47

bouncy, my ds is 20 months, hers are 2.5 and 3 months.
I know I would say this, but ds is pretty well-behaved. he trashes my house, but is fine when we're out. plus, we usually meet up at soft play or something where the kids just go off and amuse themselves.

there must be something else about me that is unlikeable. I wish someone would just tell me though, then i could try and change

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 11/10/2006 20:51

I am pretty sure its not you! She is probably being thoughtless. Quite likely when you have two children to consider. I couldnt manage to go out and meet with people until DS was about 6 or 7 months. Didnt really want to anyway tbh but forced myself. Turns out I had PND though......

Beauregard · 11/10/2006 20:54

2 so called friends have done this to me over the last 12 months.
A friendship should work both ways .
Im sick of hearing "oh yeah i'll call/text/mail you " and then nothing.
Worse thing is that i have known one of them all my life and the other for half of it,they dont see each other so it isn't that i have been left out .Both of them stopped bothering with me when they had children,my dc were born before so it isn't anything obvious to me.

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