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Original poster

Can you think of any situation where you would voluntarily leave your children?

101 replies

rickman · 07/10/2006 14:33

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
tiredemma · 07/10/2006 15:32

nope. couldnt imagine waking up in the morning without my kids there.

HauntedsandCastle · 07/10/2006 15:35

No way!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 07/10/2006 15:49

Not even an option in my mind

UnquietDad · 07/10/2006 16:09

Interesting novel on this very subject

Loshad · 07/10/2006 17:09

I wouldn't dream of it. I often wonder how parents could bear to let their children be evacuated without them during the second world war - they'd have to take me too

Original poster
rickman · 07/10/2006 21:17

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 07/10/2006 21:20

Nothing could part me from my kids, nothing, I would fight til every bone in my body was smashed apart and my last breath was sucked away before I would live without them.

frumpygrumpy · 07/10/2006 21:21

rickman, are you ok? Kind of worried about you.....

GhoulsToo · 07/10/2006 21:22

I didn't actually answer the original question.

no way Jose!

Original poster
rickman · 07/10/2006 21:24

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/10/2006 21:25

substance abuse.

mental illness.

other physical illness.

expatinscotland · 07/10/2006 21:25

those aren't particularly voluntary, though.

frumpygrumpy · 07/10/2006 21:26

Glad you're fine. I'm not GF - I met GF on a thread recently and was so shocked I can't believe we hadn't met before. Makes me wonder how many people we chat to think we are the other IYKWIM.

frumpygrumpy and grumpyfrumpy

YeahBat · 07/10/2006 21:28

My dad's mum walked out on 6 children in 1960, the youngest of whom was just 12 months old. They never heard from or saw her again. Even though he ended up with wonderful foster parents (that I consider to be my grandparents), my dad has never gotten over it.
I cannot imagine how she was able to do it. We all get fed up of the drudgery of motherhood sometimes, but to leave your children and never see them again... Tbh, I'm coming to the conclusion that she must have been mentally ill. I find it hard to believe that a rational woman would be able to walk away without a backward glance. I'm sure that if we were ever to find out the real story behind it all, we would be more understanding. Whatever the reasons, the ramifications of her actions are still felt nearly 50 years on.

Piffle · 07/10/2006 21:29

No
Not unless I became so dangerously unstable or something equally incompatible with good parenting.

gothicmama · 07/10/2006 21:30

ok I work dh at home with kids no way would I ever leave them if we split (dunno how we'd work it out ) hopefully it will never have to be thought about

MerlinsBeard · 07/10/2006 21:32

no
unless i was a danger to them

i miss them when DP takes them out for a few hours, the worry is enormous!

bananaloaf · 07/10/2006 21:33

i now work fulltime and dh is sah. i have thought that if the marriage went pear shaped i suspect there would be a huge fight probably more than if i had been at home. we did go through probs and spoke of seperating and there was no question in either minds that the boys would come with me when i was at home. i would leave my job than lose my children.

frumpygrumpy · 07/10/2006 21:37

My mums real mum left her and her sister when my mum was a baby and her sister was 3 yrs. No one in the family ever discussed it and my mum was adopted within the family.

To this day it haunts her and, although she doesn't talk much about it, I know it breaks her heart not to know why. She had 3 kids of her own and now grandchildren and every year on her birthday I know she wonders if her mum is thinking of her.

She didn't even want to try to trace her because she doesn't feel she has the right to since she was the one who was left.

I wonder if the poor woman had PND and felt like a freak and felt she had no choice..... We don't even know if she's alive.

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 07/10/2006 21:39

no

am sahm and student

dp works

but

if we split up, I would have a collosal fight on my hands if I were to go for full custody (I wouldn't anyway), I have no doubt he'd drop to p/t hours etc to get shared custody. He adores them and is completely, shockingly competant with them. He even remembers to buy them clothes!

MortuaryAnyone · 07/10/2006 21:40

No, never.

YeahBat · 07/10/2006 21:43

FG, it is the same for my dad, not knowing why she left. And even though he is a grandfather, that eight year old boy in him still wonders if it might have been his fault somehow. We have no idea where she went or even if she is still alive.
I can't imagine how she could not be curious as to how they turned out, if they had family, if she'd become a Gran. How can you turn all that off?

scAIRY · 07/10/2006 21:47

I think this kind of situation is entirely dependent on what the situation was before the split.
For most of us it would be very hard to imagine, I'm a single mum and could never imagine leaving my dd with her dad permanently.
But I do have a friend who has done this and I cannot judge her for the choice she made at all. Her dp was stay at home dad and had been since the children were born. There were huge problems in the relationship and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that trying to take full custody of the kids would create a massive battle. So she moved out, around the corner, she sees her dd's every day and has them overnight 3 or 4 times a week but technically they live with their dad.
Her dd's are settled happy and have not had their daily life upset at all. I can totally see why she made the decision she did, and I would never judge a mother for this without knowing all of the details.

Elf1981 · 07/10/2006 21:47

Never.
Nothing would convince me to leave my daughter permanently. I'd fight to the end of the Earth to ensure she stayed with me if the marriage between me and her father broke down. I just dont think I'd be able to cope without her.

frumpygrumpy · 07/10/2006 21:48

YeahBat its so sad isn't it. Has he ever tried to trace her? There is that horrid guilt for the left behind children and a sadness that lies deep, deep inside, almost worst than if they had died because they question whether they were loved. My mums mum left 54 years ago.

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