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Dd1 is being bullied at school

60 replies

lou33 · 21/09/2006 11:39

I just had to collect her and she was in floods of tears

I have an appointment at 12.45 with the head of year

Little f*ckers , girls can be total bitches

She is 14 btw

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anniediv · 21/09/2006 11:40

Oh no! I have no advice, only lots of sympathy, how horrible for you and dd. I am and for you.

HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 11:43

oh god bless her. Here off childline - info for parents link

lou33 · 21/09/2006 11:43

thanks

she started mentioning vague bits and pieces before the summer holidays, but since she went back in sept it has got worse

these are supposed to be her friends as well

i tell you i am mad as hell about it,i only went to the school because she had left her lunch card behind, and found her sobbing in a room behind reception

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HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 11:45

another link here

lou33 · 21/09/2006 11:47

thank you

as if she hasnt had a bad enough year with me and her dad splitting. She already sees the school counsellor, and is supposed to be seeing her tomorrow about this new dimension, but if i am not happy with the outcome of the meeting later i will not be sending her in

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HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 11:51

Before the appt., get a few questions in your head that you want answers to....oh I really feel for her - dread the time that this could happen to my DDs.

lou33 · 21/09/2006 11:53

yes, i was just about to ask for suggestions on here

i feel for her too, it happened to me at school and i still clearly remember the hurt it caused me

i'm long fused, but when it comes to my kids i am fiercely protective of them

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anniediv · 21/09/2006 11:55

Lou33, just wanted to say you have done the best thing already which is listen to her, believe her and act on it straight away. She has got a great Mum to support her, and I will be thinking of you later when you're at the meeting.

oliveoil · 21/09/2006 11:56

oh, I was bullied at school too (not physical, but nasty names etc as I was v thin, I still have a complex now) and it is horrid

is your dd going with you to the appointment?

2shoes · 21/09/2006 11:57

do hope you are able to sort it ous
ds was bi=ullied for ages and the school were crap
in the end I pulled him out for a day and wrote them a letter saying if they didn't do something i would take legal advice
one little chat from head of year and it stopped

lou33 · 21/09/2006 11:58

thanks

i kept her off school on friday because on thurs night she broke down and told me what was happening, so i took her out for the day and had lunch and talked it through

on monday i sent a letter into her form teacher, and asked for the head of year to be informed, as well as asking dd1 to keep a record of all the incidents, and for her to make an appt with the counsellor

i didnt hear anything from the teachers, but they are going to listen to me now i think
i wont be rude, but i will make it clear my daughter is not going to suffer

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HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 11:58

Lou - off one of those links:-

Secondary schools may not be aware that there are some areas of the school pupils feel are unsafe, the toilets often come into this category.

By telling the head of year where the bullying is happening, supervision can be increased so that the bullies are caught red handed, meaning that your child can?t be accused of telling tales.

At this stage it can be helpful to try to increase your child?s circle of friends, by inviting a number of children home regularly, to forge stronger friendships.

If bullying continues:

Keep a diary of what your child says is happening
Or get your child to keep his/her own diary
Write a note to the class teacher or head of year, explaining that the problem is still unresolved
Ask for your letter to be put onto your child?s school file, together with a note of action taken
Suggest that contact between the bully and your child is monitored and limited, perhaps by the bully moving to another table or set
Ask for a follow-up meeting after a couple of weeks to discuss how things are going
That often does the trick, but if not, it?s time to write to the head teacher, outlining everything that has gone on, and including evidence from the diary to back up your complaint. Putting a complaint in writing is essential so that there is a record of your concern.

Schools have a duty of care, and allowing a child to be continually bullied when the school has been alerted to the problem could be seen as a breach of that duty.

Warning of prosecution

If your child is taking time off school you're likely to be warned you may face prosecution unless you are teaching him/her at home. Unfair though it may be, keeping a child at home due to bullying is considered to be an unauthorised absence.

You need to make sure you put complaints in writing to the head, governors and LEA in an attempt to sort the problem out.

School refusal

If your child can't face school because of unresolved bullying, ask the LEA pupil support department or education social worker to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. You could also ask your doctor if a referral to a specialist like a psychologist for counselling would help.

You could ask your child's head of year to arrange for your child to have access to a particular teacher they could go to if they feel under pressure and whether a buddy could be arranged for your child to help them settle back in. It may also be possible to arrange a phased return to school where your child attends for a few hours a day to build up confidence to return full time.

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lou33 · 21/09/2006 12:00

she is tall and slender too olive,about 5ft9/10 atm

it got worse today with other girls approaching her asking why she brought the teachers into it, they say they were "only joking"

pfffft, they can kiss my arse

my blood is starting to boil

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anniediv · 21/09/2006 12:04

Lou33, that is a classic bully response 'can't you take a joke'?? Grr, I am getting . I really hope it gets sorted. Whether they thought they were joking or not, your daughter didn't find it funny and they need to know that.

HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 12:05

Another resource - might be worth ringing them

  • they offer advice on how to approach the school

Kidscape
Kidscape is committed to keeping children safe. We are the only National Charity dedicated to preventing bullying and child abuse.

Kidscape offers..

A Helpline
We receive over 12,000 calls a year from parents worried about bullying. Our trained counsellors offer practical advice to help parents support their children and to advise them on the best ways to approach the school to make sure the bullying stops.

The Helpline is available on 08451 205 204 Monday-Friday from 10.00am-4.00pm.

lou33 · 21/09/2006 12:05

that's exactly what i said to dd1

as for being prosecuted for keeping her off school, if it got to that stage i would prefer to home school her anyway so i am not worried about that

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lou33 · 21/09/2006 12:05

these contacts are great ty

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Gobbledigook · 21/09/2006 12:11

What bollocks about the 'taking your child out of school is not authorised absence due to bullying' and that a psychologist or counsellor could help.

Jesus. It's not your dd who needs help, it's the little bitches picking on her.

If my child was suffering I wouldn't sent them to school either - not if nothing was being done about it. Bollocks to them - as if you are going to send your child into school to face that sort of soul destroying abuse.

God Lou - give em hell, don't take any shit (I'm sure you won't!)

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 12:12

Sorry to hear this Lou. Hope you and dd1 can sort it.

lou33 · 21/09/2006 12:14

there are 4 of them, one of these fuckers was in my house not so long ago,telling me she was a good friend and understood dd1 had been having a bad time what with her dad and i splitting up

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HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 12:18

How's your dd now Lou?

HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 12:20

when you see the yr head, you will remember not to refer to these little fuckers as 'little fuckers', won't you Lou?

lou33 · 21/09/2006 12:22

she's a bit calmer, tears on and off,nervous of the meeting

i told her to stay in school uniform but not to take her bag in as she wont be staying

good point about the term of endearment, should i use bastards instead?

lol

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Bugsy2 · 21/09/2006 12:37

Lou, sorry to hear about your DD. Sounds horrible for her & you. Hope you can get some resolution or improvement with the Year Head.

fairyjay · 21/09/2006 12:41

Lou
I really feel for you - I have a 13 yo dd and these are not easy years.
It's so hard to get the balance right.
Have you thought about talking to the little fuckers' parents?!!
Look after yourself too - I know how this type of thing takes over every waking thought.