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Original poster

Dd1 is being bullied at school

60 replies

lou33 · 21/09/2006 11:39

I just had to collect her and she was in floods of tears

I have an appointment at 12.45 with the head of year

Little f*ckers , girls can be total bitches

She is 14 btw

OP posts:
kimi · 21/09/2006 12:43

lou33 i dont know if it is any help but if your daughter has been hit at all you can call the police (over 10 years of age children are responcible for their actions).

So sad for your daughter, going through it here with DS1.

Molesworth · 21/09/2006 12:50

Just seen this lou

Good luck with the meeting x

Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 14:46

thanks everyone, she hasnt been hit, or else i would have reported it to the police already

i met the head of year, and she took the names down, spoke to dd1 and me

tomorrow morning she is taking the 4 girls out of their tutor group and laying down the law to them, then she is going to bring in dd1, who can have a friend with her, and her form tutor and counsellor, and they are all going to sit with the girls and find out why it has got to this stage

she said she is putting htem all on a warning, and if they do it one more time then she will be contacting their parents

i'm happy to do this for now, so fingers crossed it works

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Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 15:42

also she is going to be put down an the list for another counsellor they have at the school

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oliveoil · 21/09/2006 15:52

That sounds promising

It is easy for an outsider to say oh its just girls being girls (ie bitchy with their friends) but when you are involved it is different

hope it gets sorted

how is dd?

CountessDracula · 21/09/2006 15:55

Oh lou only just seen this

Sounds like they are taking it seriously and the approach sounds good.

anniediv · 21/09/2006 15:56

Lou33, really glad you were listened to. Is your dd happy with the outcome? I think it's really brave of her (and you) to tackle this.

KBear · 21/09/2006 15:59

lou33 - what a fantastic mum you are. I will be taking notes for when my DD reaches these precarious teenage years.

Tell your DD that she will meet those people that bullied her in a few years when she has a successful career and a wonderful boyfriend and her own flat and they will have nothing because they are too worried about what everyone else is doing and being nasty to everyone to concentrate on their own lives going pear-shaped. Trust me, I know.

Smug ex-bullied Kbear who has ex-friends that are complete losers!

(Bullying hits a nerve with me - can you tell?).

Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 16:05

i said similar to her after the meeting kbear

she seems ok atm, she has gone to her little thurs afternoon job now (she helps with an after school art club for 4-7 yr olds)

i took her for a cup of tea and a cake after the meeting as i refused to let her go back this afternoon

the head of year did try and get her back in but i just said no, i wasnt prepared to send her in until the girls had been spoken to, which is when she said she would do it tomorrow am

i had similar stuff go on when i was a lad, i can still remember the pain it caused, even tho i survived it and am a pretty strong adult, and i never told my mum, i kept it all to myself, so there is NO WAY i will let her do the same thing

she's still my baby even at 14 1/2 and 3 inches taller than me!

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HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 16:06

Really good news Lou - I think it's a good idea to get them all together. The girls (aka little fuckers )are all probably bitterly regretting they took it too far already.

Hope it works for your DD - does she seem happier?

Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 16:15

turns out one of them has done it before to someone else
i guess i need to wait and see for a bit longer before i pin them against the wall by their throat then?

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Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 16:23

when i kept her off school last friday because of this, i bumped into a woman i know,and she said her sone who is a year older was bullied so badly, he took an overdose in february because he couldnt cope anymore

i dont want it to get to that stage

she said his had been going on for 4 yrs tho

OP posts:
kimi · 21/09/2006 16:40

my 10 year old said he wanted to kill himself over the bullying, its so unfair.

Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 16:46

it's really shit

i made it clear to the school i wont let them drag this out, and i dont want my 14 yr old daughter ending up on anti depressants because this becomes the final straw for her

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Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 18:52

so i just went to the chippie because i am too lazy to cook tonight, and while i was gone, one of them called dd1 and apologised

i dont know if it is because she has got wind of my visit, or not, but it has had some effect at least

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marthamoo · 21/09/2006 18:59

She's lucky to have you fighting her corner, lou - you'll get it sorted. I hope one of them phoning to apologise means they are all going to stop.

Children can be so cruel - BILs niece lost her Dad last year in tragic circumstances (I posted about it at the time but don't want to bring it up again) and is being bullied by two girls who used to be her best friends. They taunt her with stuff about how her Dad died and how she's an "orphan" now. They're all 8. Her Mum is at her wits end as to how to deal with it - the little girl is now talking about wanting to be in heaven with her Daddy

Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 19:34

oh moo that's so sad

you now me, i wont take any shit from the school about this, but it's still heartbreaking seeing her getting upset

she started crying about facing them in the meeting tomorrow, earlier

i told her if it got too much to get them to call me and i will come and get her

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Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 19:34

know me

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marthamoo · 21/09/2006 19:36

Poor dd - it's hard enough being 14, without crap like this. I really hope it's sorted soon.

Original poster
lou33 · 21/09/2006 19:37

i was about that age when it started too, i can still remember how much it hurt

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Original poster
lou33 · 22/09/2006 09:00

she has gone off to school for her meeting so fingers crossed

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Beetroot · 22/09/2006 09:10

Lou just seen this. I really hope the meeting works out for her. Thank god sh has you to support her and fight her corner

Fauve · 22/09/2006 09:19

Would you mind keeping us posted, lou? I'm keen to keep my dd safe from evil b*tches, too, and am always interested to hear what schools actually do, and whether it works.

I'll be thinking of your dd - at least she has the power of Mumsnet behind her - bet those other girls don't have that kind of support!

batters · 22/09/2006 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluesky · 22/09/2006 09:41

I have learnt this week, that schools have 2 policies to deal with bullying, open door and closed door.

Open door is much better, and seems to be what they did with you Lou, all together in a circle, discussing what has happened, the way forward, and what will happen to the bullies if it happens again.

Closed door is when they take the bullies into a room (no victim) and talk it through that way.

Please keep us posted, you must be incredibly stressed and tense, and your mothering instinct kicking in big time. But you have done everything in the right way and the right order, but most of all you have kept it together. Thinking of you and your daughter today, hope it is all OK.

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