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Original poster

kate winslet and the bogus natural birth

136 replies

squirmyworm · 21/03/2004 14:35

anyone see that kate winslet story about how she had her first baby by emergency c-section but was too upset to admit to it as she felt a failure so she told everyone it had been a 'natural' birth. Only now she's had her second child 'naturally' and presumably feels she's done it properly and become a 'powerful woman' - I think those were her actual words - she says she feels she can admit what happened the first time. Anyone else feel really cross about this? How dare she imply that one kind of birth makes you a better woman than any other kind? I had an emergency section and the only thing that mattered to me was getting a healthy baby at the end of it... I certainly didn't waste any time pondering whether I wasn't a proper woman or not! I used to think she was quite down to earth but now it seems she's just another obsessively navel gazing celeb - or am I being unfair?

OP posts:
suzywong · 21/03/2004 14:40

I had 2 and yes it can make you feel lousy for a few minutes but not to the extent you lie about it.

FWIW she used to go to a tots singing group that I went to with DS1 and she would sit away from the others not making eyecontact, FFS, this was in a part of London where recognisable people are ten a penny and anyway it's not about the mummy's it's about the kids.

So I don't think you are being unfair, just quite observational

suzywong · 21/03/2004 14:40

meant mummies (grammar police may be reading)

SoupDragon · 21/03/2004 14:40

She's entitled to her own feelings, surely? I've not read the article but if she's simply referring to her own experience and how she felt then I don't see the problem. I know that I felt like a "failure" because I needed a ventouse with DS1 but this went away having had DS2 without one.

spacemonkey · 21/03/2004 14:41

yes, i think this is pretty offensive as well

but she is a luvvie airhead IMO so what can one expect?

MrsGrump · 21/03/2004 14:45

Maybe she didn't make eye contact because she has low self-esteem and doesn't want to encourage groupies, either? Sounds to me she's only talking about her own feelings, not saying how other people should feel.

spacemonkey · 21/03/2004 14:45

Soupy makes a good point. It's just that the personal opinions celebs spout do convey messages to the rest of us, don't they, even if they are personal views?

suzywong · 21/03/2004 14:46

Yes point taken she does have her right to say ow she feels, but if she thinks she's going to get groupies at a tots and toddlers group she's way up herself.

spacemonkey · 21/03/2004 14:49

Mind you, I wouldnt take a blind bit of notice of what people like KW say or think!

SoupDragon · 21/03/2004 14:55

From another website...

She says, "Until recently I never discussed the fact that I had a very difficult birth with her. I had wanted to do the whole thing naturally and I couldn't wait to experience it, but I ended up with a 37-hour labor which resulted in an emergency Caesarian.
"It was very upsetting to me, because I had spent my life being told I had these fantastic child-bearing hips. With my son I was determined that no matter what, I was going to do things naturally. So I just hoped for the best.
"I did a lot of walking during the pregnancy and I had a wonderful, much
longed-for natural delivery. I was in labor 24 hours and he came out completely beautifully. It was a triumphant birth and it laid a lot of ghosts to rest for me. It was incredible to experience being able to do it totally naturally."

As for not making eye contact at a tots group - I wouldn't either! That's just the way I am.

I@m not

SoupDragon · 21/03/2004 14:56

... I'm not sticking up for her as such but she is entitled to her views. She's simply been honest about her feelings. If she'd gone for a elective c-section everyone would have been criticising her for being too posh to push.

WideWebWitch · 21/03/2004 14:59

Oh, I quite like Kate Winslet and I've read that exact quote Soupdragon just pasted, I think it's fair enough. As for not making eye contact, hmm, I'm not sure why you'd go to a tots group if you're not going to talk to anyone (mind you, I only ever went for the adult contact, I expect most people go for the children to play!) but I suppose it's her prerogative.

Original poster
squirmyworm · 21/03/2004 15:00

it's not the fact she felt bad about it - obviously she's entitled to feel how she likes - it's more the fact that she lied about it that I find so extraordinary. some of us get the birth we dream of and the rest have to deal with whatever fate throws at us - I just think it's so luvvie to pretend something happened that didn't and then to say 'but it's all ok now because I AM a real woman now I've managed to pop one out the right way' (as if those of us who haven't should all be gibbering wrecks wondering how to cope with the failure of not being a powerful woman. Weird really because I generally couldn't give a toss what celebs witter on about but this just got my goat!

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 21/03/2004 15:02

And come on, surely no-one can argue that an emergency c section is a good or lovely thing? If any of us were to say "Woo Hoo, I managed a VBAC" (as has been said and I think this is all KW is saying isn't she?) then surely we'd be saying Well Done? Wouldn't we? I don't think she's being particularly navel gazing about it.

WideWebWitch · 21/03/2004 15:03

Did she lie about it? Sorry, our previous posts crossed.

SoupDragon · 21/03/2004 15:11

What would you be saying if this wasn't Kate Winslet but Edna Smith from Eastbourne? Sorry, but I think you're being really harsh on her. Why does it actually matter if she lied about the c-section? Maybe you wouldn't have done it but I'm guessing you didn't have the world press reporting your birth and then disecting how it went and judging you on it.

JMHO

spacemonkey · 21/03/2004 15:14

You're right soupy

WideWebWitch · 21/03/2004 15:14

Me too Soupy, I agree with you.

SoupDragon · 21/03/2004 15:15

Are you really SM though?

carlyb · 21/03/2004 15:19

I dont blame her for not telling everybody about it. When Posh spice admitted she had a c-section everybody slagged her off because celebraties are "too high and mighty to give birth naturally". Celebraties cant win!

MrsGrump · 21/03/2004 15:19

There's no shortage of women who feel like failures because they didn't get the birth experience they wanted. Maybe it's brave of KW to admit that she was too weak to face up to that disappointment publicly until she had some kind of healing (for her) experience. Maybe you're just a much tougher person, squirmy in being able to deal with it more easily.

Original poster
squirmyworm · 21/03/2004 15:21

I just think that we should be honest about our birth experiences with each other. I can't imagine anyone judging her or criticising her for having an emergency section and I guess what I'm saying is that by lying about it it looks as if she is making the judgement that those of us who have them are somehow inferior or have not had a 'proper' birth experience. I'd feel the same about edna from eastbourne. Just think it's a shame she had to pretend and feel quite sorry for her if she really genuinely did that because she thought she'd be judged for not achieving a vaginal birth after a 37 hour difficult labour.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 21/03/2004 15:25

Yes, but KW actually said, when she was lying, that she had this amazing natural birth, felt proved as woman, etc etc. I remember because I read it, and felt even worse about having had an epidural and horrid ventouse.

FWIW I did feel better after having a 'natural' ie only gas and air birth the second time, but I know I'm also just caving in to pressure about how a birth 'should' and 'shouldn't' be.

I would really have appreciated reading that someone else's labour had gone pear-shaped, and that it hurt like f*ck and was a nightmare, not that she felt all proved by it.

spacemonkey · 21/03/2004 15:26

She is to be pitied for feeling that she had to make up all that stuff then, surely. It seems crazy to me, I would never feel the need to hide such a thing from anyone.

suedonim · 21/03/2004 15:27

I can't say that I take much notice of celebs etc and I've only seen Soupie's quote but surely not discussing something isn't the same as lieing?? It seems to me that KW had a difficult time coming to terms with what happened to her and that her second experience was cathartic for her. She's not dissing anyone else so what's the problem?

As for the lack of eye contact thing, presumably she wasn't causing any harm to anyone so I fail to see your gripe.

WideWebWitch · 21/03/2004 15:28

Oh, did she MI? I didn't know that. Well, I don't think she should have said that.