kate winslet and the bogus natural birth

[squirmyworm]

anyone see that kate winslet story about how she had her first baby by emergency c-section but was too upset to admit to it as she felt a failure so she told everyone it had been a 'natural' birth. Only now she's had her second child 'naturally' and presumably feels she's done it properly and become a 'powerful woman' - I think those were her actual words - she says she feels she can admit what happened the first time. Anyone else feel really cross about this? How dare she imply that one kind of birth makes you a better woman than any other kind? I had an emergency section and the only thing that mattered to me was getting a healthy baby at the end of it... I certainly didn't waste any time pondering whether I wasn't a proper woman or not! I used to think she was quite down to earth but now it seems she's just another obsessively navel gazing celeb - or am I being unfair?

this makes me really cross - does it really matter how the baby is born as long as mum and baby are OK? I had my first naturally and my 2nd by c-sec and to be honest felt better after the c-sec. Why do women keep beating themselves up about this - just like breast feeding... RANT over

I've made that argument, too, Grommit... and (to paraphrase the Homebirthers), the argument comes back that if a woman feels traumatised by her birth experience, then it "wasn't ok" -- even if, medically, she and baby are deemed physically ok, if you see what I mean.
Maybe it would be good if someone wrote KW a letter saying that if she came out and admitted she didn't have any reason to be ashamed over the first childbirth fiasco, only (perhaps) ashamed that she felt she had to lie about it, that that would be empowering to other women with similar experiences.

DAvina McCall really did have her babies at home, though, right? Don't tell me that one is another lie, too!

She was probably embarrassed- when she was pregnant she frequently had interviews where shesaid things like "giving birth is natural and there's no need for pain relief, and I'll be having a massage and looking at candles" not those exact words, but you get my drift. They used to make me snort into my breakfast cereal anyway.

I snorted too.

I did opt for a home birth, I have to admit, with dd2. I was quite shocked by how crap I felt after my first birth. Mind you a lot of that wasn't just the birth, I reckon.

ha ha jimjams at those words!

It's the fact that she lied that gets me - surely she could see that by saying she had a natural birth and how wonderful it was (the first time) she is just perpetuating the myth that there is something wrong with you if you haven't managed it, and condemming other woman to feeling the same sense of failure that she did?

Interested particularly in your point, MI. I had a ''natural" birth with ds, gas and air, like you, but only because the bloody hospital wouldn't give me an epidural (wasn't too late or anything, just the way they organise themselves). Felt a. that I'd like to book the anaesthetist in advance next time ('I'll have a bottle of the chardonnay epidural and some mineral water please' but b. really glad to have gone through that amazing experience. Not knocking people who have had more intervention at all, if it had been on offer I'd have grabbed it, but it was amazing to discover that my body could do that and I could survive. Like some kind of extreme initiation ceremony. Maybe you feel just the same if you have had intervention, I don't know. You've still given birth ? the most powerful thing anyone can do, IME.

I think Jimjams hit the nail on the head. I remember those interviews with a pregnant KW too. Made me think "just you wait and see!". I think it's normal for first-time mums-to-be to say those kinds of things though. I remember I did. The difference is that we don't say it to the whole world, so not so embarrassing when we end up with all the drugs in the world and a c-section.....

I feel thoroughly cross about it - she appears to me to be saying that having a section IS shameful, and her shame was only purged by having a vaginal birth - which IMO is basically setting other women up to feel as bad as she did when they 'fail' and have a section. Grrrr. If she really wants to make women feel better she wouldn't have lied and lied and made up all this guff about being triumphant and not needing pain relief and thus creating an image of birth that does seem to make many women feel inadequate because they haven't had such an easy labour and birth - or because they chose to do something else. I think the way women are judged by the way they have their babies quite staggering. And frankly, I really don't think this kind of luvvie gushing helps one bit.

I also think it makes her sound like a loony.

Blimey, I keep changing my mind like that fast show character with no opinions of his own! Hearing how she carried on when pg and after she does sound like a loony!

Jeez, I just think that we are flipping lucky to be living in a time and a place where C sections are available! I bet that there are a load of poor women in less fortunate situations who would have loved to have 'failed' to give birth naturaly and have a healthy baby at the end of it! Lots of women dealing with the physical consequences of missing out on 'failure'

Sorry, but the woman sounds as if she had her head up her arse before her first birth and it is still up there after the second.

From what I've seen of her in interviews she does seem like a self-indulgent ponce who has entirely lost touch with reality

it's totally bizarre though isn't it. I mean it's one thing to say you had a natural birth when you didn't (which I disagree with BTW) but all the details she made up about no pain relief etc - I mean what's that all about, how weird to be publically telling people stuff that is absolute rubbish especially about something so important.

I can understand that a/she felt personally upset that she had a terrible time in labour and b/that she felt there is so much moralising about the way women give birth she might be criticised for something that was in no way a fault...BUT...I think that her actions actually make it much harder for other women in her position - she adds to the prevailing view that only vaginal birth 'counts' that having a c-section means failure, and that you are a better person if you give birth vaginally and in pain.

I agree Katie Rocket - as far as I remember (and I had a v difficult birth exp around the same time is KW so remeber quite well!) she went into great detail in a very showy-offy way about it and how marvellously natural it all was. Much like the way she 'shared' the bliss of her first marriage with us all - that wasn't quite true either. I think she should keep these thoughts to herself really.

but what if someone posted here:
I'm so ashamed, I had emergency c-section and told people I had a natural birth because that was what I wanted and that was what they expected. I know if I told them about the cs, that some people would understand, but most might see it as "oh, another one... something done for whatever bad reason". But now I want to come clean, I just had another baby and I'm really proud of having a vbac. It's important to let you know how proud I am and that a vbac is not impossible (which sometimes is a question for people).

Give her a break, guys. Use her to further vbacs, if anything.

shoot, might have gotten the acronym wrong: when I said vbac I meant "vaginal birth after c-section"

argh!

Initially, I just think it's really sad that she felt she'd failed because she had a C-section with her first child. Even more sad that she felt so much of a failure that she lied about it. Sounds to me like she had very fixed ideas about how her labour was going to be (not a crime, many first time Mums do that, and then it's "wake up and smell the coffee" time when you actually get there!) and when it didn't go according to her rigid and idealised plan she was devastated.

And I'm really happy for her that she managed to have a more positive birth experience second time round - and hopefully put some of the trauma of the first one behind her.

Where I DO take issue with her is the way she now seems to be crowing about how she has succeeded now she has had a vaginal birth. Seems to be very, very heartless, after she herself felt like a failure after having a C/S to then go ahead and re-inforce that idea for others. You would have thought she would be far more empathetic towards women who have never had a vaginal delivery, and never will. They are not failures, they are not lesser women or mothers because they didn't deliver naturally - and yet Kate Winslet, who has first hand experience of just how damaging the myth and expectation of natural birth can be, is now giving out that very same message. She has really gone down in my estimation.

I've never liked Kate Winslet - affected luvvie - so this just makes me feel more justified in my dislike.

I felt a failure for having an emergency c-section, still do most times. But if I hadn't had it I would not be here and possibly neither would ds twins.

Still peoples attitudes was, despite explaining why I ended up getting a section, that I had chosen to do this in some way. I would have loved to have given birth "properly" and not had my babies surgically removed! I would never have lied about it though, no matter how much stick I got.

The following is a quote from an interview with KW, so it would seem that she did lie about the first birth.

'Well, here?s the thing. I?ve never talked about this?I?ve actually gone to great pains to cover it up. But Mia was an emergency C-section. I just said that I had a natural birth because I was so completely traumatized by the fact that I hadn?t given birth. I felt like a complete failure. My whole life, I?d been told I had great childbearing hips. There?s this thing amongst women in the world that if you can handle childbirth, you can handle anything. I had never handled childbirth, and I felt like, in some way that I couldn?t join that ?powerful women?s club.? So it was an amazing feeling having Joe naturally, vaginally. Fourteen hours with no drugs at all, but then I had to have an epidural because I was so tired. I honestly thought I?d never be able to do it. It was an incredible birth. It laid all the ghosts to rest. It was really triumphant.'

I think she sounds like a bit of an idiot TBH!

I think its a bit sad really- she makes a bit of a thing about doing what she wants, and not caring what other's think- when obviously she cares more than is good for her.
or maybe she's just being terribly luvvie about it all.

Having read her interviews before her first birth I do think she was teribbly unrealistic- she hadn't kept that open mind that all good ante-natal teachers tell you to keep.

She definitely issued a statement after Mia's birth saying it was natural with no pain relief. She also gave interviews saying she was 'stoical' and 'have a high pain threshold'. I think Marthamo's post is excellent. She knows how women who have c-sections are endlessly criticised, yet here she is, someone who should have some empathy, crowing on about her 'triumphant' birth - not in a personal capacity, but in an interview, when she should think a bit about how other women will feel to read her words. Surely, four years on she could have the sense to realise that an emergency section could well have saved her child's life and be able to say that. I have no problem with her saying that she preferred having a vaginal birth to a section, but it is the whole insane tone of the lying, then the 'I can only tell you I lied because now I've done it properly' that makes me want to scream.