kate winslet and the bogus natural birth

[squirmyworm]

anyone see that kate winslet story about how she had her first baby by emergency c-section but was too upset to admit to it as she felt a failure so she told everyone it had been a 'natural' birth. Only now she's had her second child 'naturally' and presumably feels she's done it properly and become a 'powerful woman' - I think those were her actual words - she says she feels she can admit what happened the first time. Anyone else feel really cross about this? How dare she imply that one kind of birth makes you a better woman than any other kind? I had an emergency section and the only thing that mattered to me was getting a healthy baby at the end of it... I certainly didn't waste any time pondering whether I wasn't a proper woman or not! I used to think she was quite down to earth but now it seems she's just another obsessively navel gazing celeb - or am I being unfair?

But Crunchie it just doesn't make any sense, it's not like she has a planned c/section (which is where the too posh to push thing came from) she has an emergency section. So I don't see why she felt she had to lie about it AND (more disturbingly for me) emblish that lie with "and I had no pain relief" aren't I clever etc etc

Didn't "too posh to push" come from Posh & the other spice girl (Mel?) both having C-sections, but Posh's first was breech which may make C-section advisable, and I think Mel's was emergency, so really just a lot of tabloid hype that whole phrase?

Ok, so Madonna did have elective C-sections... but much as I wouldn't choose it for myself, it's not like Madonna had it on the taxpayers' expense, and anyway, I wouldn't want her judging how I have my babies.

Maybe people getting het up about this are giving KW and what she believes or does too much credit -- if you know a CS was right for you, what do you care what she did or said?

Apparently she has size ten feet.
Just thought I'd drop that in

madonna actually had a placental abruption with Rocco - the same as Sophie Wessex. it's one of the most serious things you can have and it can kill your baby very quickly if you don't have an emergency c-section. Rocco was born quite small and was in hospital for a while.

I suppose I care because I know a lot of women feel very, very bad about having sections, they feel like failures. I think for all her talk about being a role model, KW actually passed up a chance to say something that would comfort other women, and instead, by lying about it, IMO contributed to a culture that makes women who have sections feel even worse.

I think that is a very good point Aloha.

Aloha, but she is also a woman who is also under the pressure and did feel like a failure.

I agree that she 'should' have been honest, but we don't know really why she wasn't except by reading her interviews now which to me suggest she was pretty depressed about having a section and therefore she didn't want to talk about it. Secondly celebs do have an image that they hold/hide behind and perhaps (unfortuneatly) she felt it was 'best' to lie. Who knows.

It does show that there is a horrible pressure to GET IT RIGHT. Someone once said from the minute you become pregnant it is like you are public property, virtual strangers come up and ask to stroke your bump, people tell you what to eat and are quick to tell you what you are doing wrong. They tell you what to buy, how to breathe and what you should or shouldn't be doing. Loads of the 'advice' is conflicting from 'natural childbirth' to pram v's buggy. I used to think a mothers guilt was born along with the placenta, but I almost think it is born way before that during PG. This is a shame but it is what perpetuates the need for a site like mumsnet where we can all put forward our experiences/views. However it is also a place where this PERFECT PARENT stuff comes up all the time.

Sometimes even MN leaves me feeling bad I give my children crisps and sweets, they watch TV, I work full time, they were c-section delivery, I fed out of jars, I didn't BF first time around etc etc. I also felt desparatly upset when I found out I was expecting a girl 2nd time round - I WANTED A BOY, and being 'healthy' and feeling good with what I have is all well and good, but it doesn't stop me feeling that way (see other thread).

Well said Crunchie, am with you esp last para.

totally agree crunchie.

I think there would have been less of a reaction to the article if it didnt sound so pompus, who knows this was how kate had said it or whether it was how the journalist interpreted it.

Agree with Aloha - Kate W is in the public eye, she sets herself up as a role model, she has endless access to the media and she loses no opportunity to promote her image as down to earth celeb. I had two c-sections (on medical grounds) and was frankly relieved that I didn't have to go through labour. I'm sure you feel fantastic about it afterwards, just as you would if you'd climbed Everest, done a bungie jump, walked on hot coals, run the marathon etc. - but call me a lazy old cow, I don't want to do any of that either. I don't feel bad about it, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel I'm a lesser mother, but who cares what I think? People care what Kate Winslett thinks, and she knows it. Which is why she should exercise a bit of responsibility in what she says. She's so complicit in making women feel bad about themselves, and she does it in a Daily Mail way, pretending to be on their side.

It just seems a shame, though, that Winslet was not able to be honest about her terrible first birth experience, because if she had been honest about it, that would have helped in a small way to reduce the "horrible pressure to get it right" that other women experience.

the other thing is and I know people have mentioned it before but alot of people do think c-sections are the 'easy' option. I know when I had my daughter, I had an horrendous long labour, lots of complications and ended up needing an emergency section as she got 'stuck' in the birth canal. You would not beleive how many people said to me I had it easy, because I had a section. Yeah right! I was ashamed of mine, I didnt realise so many people had to have them. It doesnt help when your family are telling you that sections were not done in there day.

Brilliant post Crunchie, you've expressed my feelings about Kate Winslet's situation perfectly. There are worse sins in life than making a really silly decision at a vulnerable time and then being publicly caught out on it.

I agree with Aloha that she sets herself up as a role model and there are responsibilities that go along with that - not just her 'earth mother' role but also in as a spokeswoman for 'real' (ie not size 10)women. Then what does she do? Poses for GQ cover shot in her undies and agrees to them manipulating her image digitally to make her look 7ft tall and 8 stone. I remember her being interviewed about it and deying it compromised everything she hasd said about pressures on young girls to be thin....oh really. She makes me v cross.

What did her ex-husband have to do and say to keep up the charade? Would he have had to invent delivery room stories in order to keep up appearances? Can't have made married life a barrel of laughs. What about when she was swapping birth stories with friends/family...what a tangled web - she must be so relieved she's finally put it straight.

Relieved but sheepish

Do you think that she lied to family and friends as well Bobsmum? That just makes it hilariously bizarre really. I mean "Ooh no, of course thats not a catheter, its just a jug of organic, macrobiotic lemongrass infusion darling." or "stooped, what me? No I'm just getting into character for my new role as Maggie Thatcher"
Sorry, I know that there's a serious aspect to this story(speaking as someone who had pretty mixed feelings after an em cs) but it just seems such a strange thing to do.

approval is what it sounds like she was desperately seeking -aren't we all? after very traumatic first birth it took me a long time to come to terms with it. i think having a c-section the second time round helped me move forwards - even though its the other way around for KW. we had a famous mum in the local toddler group - she walked around the world, lied about it then went public. she is a wonderful mum but she will have this on her shoulders all her life and is paranoid about who knows what about her past - she never knows who her real friends and who is lying when they say 'oh i didn't realise you were xxxxx . very tricky for KW too in this case, probably very lonely if she openly talks about her birth stories with the media, though also very brave for later admitting a lie. people usually like to talk about their birth if it went well - though thinking about it that doesn't hold true in my particular experience as i constantly told people what happened to me in the hope of finding someone else who also had 'retained placenta' to see how they coped and how to avoid it happening again.i find it repulsive when people feel they have the right to ask about something so personal, not because they care how you are - just because they want to know!

LOL croak.

clutching my lower abdomen so that everything doesn't fall out on the way to the loo? no I was just hitching up my organic cotton sloggis

scar? no it's a native american tattoo.

publicly lying about how you gave birth is distinctly odd.

Ok, so she's maybe naive, immature, self absorbed? So what? So are a lot of people.

We all say things prior to having kids, and with no idea what it's going to entail, that we can't live up to later. It's just that for most of us, those things aren't printed for all to see and so can't come back and haunt us in the same way.

Celebs often have inflated opinions of themselves, because that's what they are told all the time.

And just because a magazine said she said something doesn't mean she did. We all know how they can manipulate things and take them out of context.

I personally think it's sad that she felt so traumatised by her first birth that she had to lie about it. We all know people who have had traumatic births, do they really deserve to be condemned for it???

And don't you think all this pressure that you are suggesting that she has created, might be why she lied in the first place? Maybe she felt pressured. Maybe it was the advice of an agent? Maybe she was asked for a statement while she was still in shock and unable to get her head around what had happened?

If so many people didn't feel the need to know intimate details of celebs' lives, then there wouldn't be a market for these magazines and the trashy gossip they pour out. I don't see why it's so important that she lied, would it upset you so much it it was someone you knew? She is under pressure to be a role model, but it's people buying those magazines who make that the case. Should she have to change the way she lives her life, or be condemned for a misjudgement just because the job she does is in the public eye?

I don't understand the obsession with celebrity, and I don't understand why this matters so much to anyone.

Sorry, that was a bit of rant, wasn't it?

Stupidgirl, she has actually described herself as a role model plenty of times.