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Original poster

If you were a sexy young flirty thing once, how do you avoid becoming a sad old leery woman?

77 replies

NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 21:25

OK, not the best of titles, but let me explain...

Let's say that in your teens, twenties and early thirties you were an attractive, sexy young thing:

  • got lots of attention
  • found work, socialising etc easy - you always seemed popular
  • no shortage of boyfriends when young and admirers even when older
  • you liked a bit of a flirt, and to some extent your 'personality' was related to your sexuality...

then wham... along comes motherhood, ageing, an extra stone in weight and suddenly you can't 'be' who you were before without seeming like some sort of leery old woman??

Is this what 'growing old gracefully is all about?'

What if you don't want to?

OP posts:
mustrunmore · 05/08/2006 21:28

I'd love to know the answer to this one, after 2 kids and an extra 3 stone. I always thought I'd be me, but just with kids. But its not like that. Unless I can lose the weight, so getting back my personality and confidence. I really want to be one of those mums you see at playgroups and think they must be childminders because there's no way that a body that good ever had a baby in it

TambaIsBadBadBad · 05/08/2006 21:30

I think its a state of mind tbh.

mustrunmore · 05/08/2006 21:35

Its a state of mind caused by a state of body. Who's going to 'interact' with me in that way now I look the way I do? Even if I was still outgoing, it wouldn't change the fact that I look shit now!

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 21:39

Mustrunmore - I think it's more than just the weight thing though? I sort of feel that I've suddenly discovered that there is a sort of ageism thing which kicks in once you're forty or so?

Call me paranoid, but I'm beginning to wonder if some of my successes in life to date have been because someone has fancied me, rather than because of my skills/ knowldege etc. So now I'll just have to work bl**dy hard?!

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TambaIsBadBadBad · 05/08/2006 21:42

Anyone worth knowing will see past the saggy bits etc and will want you for your confidence and personality.

Caligula · 05/08/2006 21:44

I think you're experiencing the beginnings of the anonymity of the middle-aged woman.

I'm sure somebody's written about it (probably Germaine Greer) but for the life of me can't think who, what, when or where (that's the other thing that happens, along with your body, you lose your fucking mind, which is even worse).

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 21:45

OMG Caligua! You mean it's a KNOWN state - not a temporary problem!!

Help - how can you slow done the onset of it??????

OP posts:
southeastastra · 05/08/2006 21:49

go with it! it's fun

mustrunmore · 05/08/2006 21:49

I kno for a fact that many of my successes were because I 'd totally manipulated situations to my own advantage, esp at work having two gullible male bosses

Tamba.. thats a nice sentiment that should be true, but it just isnt. Yes, I do have a couple of very close genuine friends. But I was thinking about the bigger picture.

I'm still a SAHM, but I do think I'll have a very rude awakening when I get back into the company of non-parental adults. Its very hard to explain. Its like when you suddenly realise you're no longer a student, 10 years after you left education!

HarpsichordCarrier · 05/08/2006 21:57

I think it's inevitable tbh
was letching at the lifeguards all week, mmmm.
the only compensation is that the ex we get is better

dmo · 05/08/2006 21:58

are you not married? dont need to firt if your married do you?
tamba cant talk shes only 23 she doesnt know the worrys your body gives you when you hit 30

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 21:59

Yes.. but it's when you accidently flirt with someone and then realise that they are about 15 years younger than you, and 'humour' you like they would a friend of their Mum's.....

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HarpsichordCarrier · 05/08/2006 21:59

er.... don't need to flirt??
what are you talking about dmo. I will stop flirting when I am dead, and not a moment before...

southeastastra · 05/08/2006 22:01

watch some carry on films!

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 22:02

Agree Harpsi - some women were just born to flirt... that's what I mean really - it's sort of part of your persona....

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HarpsichordCarrier · 05/08/2006 22:02

we can aspire to be a MILF

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 22:02

MILF?

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HarpsichordCarrier · 05/08/2006 22:03

if it's any consolation, Norms, my mother is of the same mould and is still flirting at the age of 75. She is pretty severely disabled but still chats up the window cleaner

HarpsichordCarrier · 05/08/2006 22:03

Mother I'd like to ....................

mustrunmore · 05/08/2006 22:04

Flirting was my way of life for years. Now its chasing little people round cajoling them into getting ready/eating/going for a wee.

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 22:04

Oooh - is that a 'known' category too....?? SOunds like one I coulod aspire to? What are the criteria?

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mrsbang · 05/08/2006 22:05

I know that feeling well (although I was never a sexy young flirty thing).

Earlier this year I was flirting with a particular young man (a bit of innocent fun) when I found out he was 18. It really made me feel old (I'm 39).

mrsbang · 05/08/2006 22:06

And I'd like to be a MILF (even though I'm a happily married woman)

mustrunmore · 05/08/2006 22:07

Its a creepy feeling. I always went for older men, but now that'd make them oap age for me. Hmmm. I did go as high as 65 once, when I was 22, but that was a one off!

Original poster
NormaSnorks · 05/08/2006 22:08

Ah - but it's not about intent, is it? Just about knowing that the possibility of someone finding you attractive still exists??

(Thought MILF might be Mother-in-Law who Flirts at first!)

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