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Original poster

no children wedding invite - baby 6 weeks....

114 replies

clairemow · 05/08/2006 10:00

Just wondered what you all think...

We've been invited to a wedding, where children are not invited. I totally understand this wish, and am completely comfortable leaving my 2 year old with my mum! However, at the time of the wedding, we will have a new baby who will be under 2 months, and possibly only 6 weeks, depending when he's born. I will be bf him, and don't really want to leave such a tiny baby.

Should I ask to bring the baby, or should I just not go and send DH on his own? That would be a shame, they are good friends...

OP posts:

tribpot · 09/08/2006 12:16

I've been to two weddings which were technically childfree (limit on space being the main reason) but ds came with me both times as he was 5 weeks for the first one and about 13 for the second one. Obviously I missed most of the wedding having to take him outside to avoid the bride hearing him crying (both said to me "isn't ds quiet?" er no, I just took him out of earshot!).

Would definitely agree - just ask the bride what she wants. There's nothing you can do about a baby that age, it simply cannot be left, particularly if bf.

We're off to a wedding in a few weeks and I asked the bride "is the wedding childfree?" she looked at me bemused (she is the first of her group of friends to get married, so no-one has any children to bring). Ds will be coming along again! Otherwise I wouldn't be able to go as it's out of the country.

FoghornLeghorn · 09/08/2006 12:21

I agree with whoever said kids are as much part of the family as adults are. We got married last month and we had all children there, our own daughter, all of our nieces and nephews plus our friends children - ages ranged from 6 months to 14 years.
We didn't invite children who;s parents were only invited tot he evening of the wedding as we worked on the basis that if we were invited to wedding reception that started at 7.30ish why on earth would we want to take DD, she would be grumpy as she should be in bed and we couldn't let our hair down and enjoy a night out.

I personally think a 5-6 week old baby is a different circumstance completely and would be amazed if your friends still said no

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 09/08/2006 12:21

clairemow, I would be a bit offended if I were you, BUT, like I said before I had NO idea pre-dds what it was like to have a breast-fed tiny baby, and even if someone had tried to explain to me, I'd have very likely thought they were making a bit of a fuss, and surely it can't really be that difficult to leave them for a few hours. If I were you I would probably not get dh to stay away. But I would hope and pray that one day this couple have children - when they do, (and probably only then) they will realise. They'll never say anything to you but they'll know. And you'll know.

joelallie · 09/08/2006 12:28

aitchiminh - s'OK....I can take it

But if you hate the idea of a big wedding why not have a little do with close family with just their associated kids in tow. Why exclude kids particularly. I do appreciate the cost thing - it was bad enough at my 40th a few years ago as all our friends have at least 2 kids - but it is possible to reduce the numbers without excluding children. My objection is to the idea that kids don't belong with adults - that they need to be ghettoised until they learn to behave like grown-ups (god help them ). And I do think the bride and groom at this particular wedding are being totally unreasonable with regards to a tiny baby.

Have to say that pre-kids I was not a child-friendly adult at all so my response would probably have been different. Doesn't mean I'd have been right. And I think both my DH and my parents would have been horrified if I'd even suggested that we excluded kids.

aitchiminh · 09/08/2006 12:46

tbh we only knew three close kids at the time and the reason two of them didn't come was because one was a newborn. but if we'd had a 'big family' wedding we would have had to draw the line somewhere. i just get narked at people being told what a wedding is. it's whatever the bride and groom want it to be, and sometimes they are great fun and sometimes they are shite. b& g should still be able to invite whoever they want. and take it on the chin if people refuse.
i am OF COURSE excluding the tiny babies... that couple are idiots and i wouldn't even consider me of dh going after that.

Original poster

clairemow · 09/08/2006 16:16

Laudaud, it was very clear who we were asking about... We explained that a baby at 5 weeks could need feeding at least every couple of hours, if not more, and for maybe an hour or so at a time. So no option to leave him whatsoever. Promised to take him out of the room if he made so much as a peep at inopportune moment etc. I could contemplate leaving expressed milk if he was older and feed times etc. were a bit more predictable (although I'd have to express at the wedding, or suffer from the "amazing expanding/popping boobs...!!). But couple in question have no kids, don't intend to have any (I don't think), so just don't understand it at all.

anyway, think I'll let it drop now and not think about it any more.

OP posts:

laudaud · 09/08/2006 16:20

hope your blood pressure doesn't go sky high when you meet them at wedding in a few weeks time. I think mine would!

Original poster

clairemow · 09/08/2006 16:26

he he, wedding is this weekend. I hope it isn't mentioned really, as not sure what I'd say...

OP posts:

Original poster

clairemow · 09/08/2006 16:27

sorry, presume you mean the other wedding we'll see them at, not their wedding - realised last post may be confusing if you haven't read whole thread!!!

OP posts:

laudaud · 17/08/2006 15:57

Clairemow, How did wedding go at the weekend - did 'friends' wedding get mentioned.

Beetroot · 17/08/2006 16:08

it wil be interesdting how they react to your tiny baby when you take him with youthisweekend

sorkycake · 17/08/2006 16:19

Gosh I can't believe they said no . I agree with other posters tbh, I would insist that neither you nor Dh goes in protest (but I'm bossy), and that no gift is sent and that the card is really crappy .
It is their wedding & it is their prerogative (sp?) to say no, but it's bad crack all the same.
I know I wouldn't go 5 weeks post birth regardless of their decision, not because of the bf issue but that I may still be bleeding, leaky boobs, what to wear if I wasn't quite back into shape, wondering if the eldest child was okay etc reasons.

nooka · 20/08/2006 14:43

When I got married my mother made it very clear that it was her day, and that my views (and in particular my husband to be's views) were completely irrelevant! We had an evening do on a boat, and although I am sure there wasn't a no children specification I don't think that there were a huge number of children there because it was too late for them. We were the first of our friends to get married so they didn't have any children to bring. If I was getting married today I would especially invite children, and make sure there was something fun for them. My sister had a ceilidh at her wedding and it was great, particularly with the children.

wartywarthog · 20/08/2006 18:07

so clairemow, you're going to another wedding that has allowed your 5 week old, where this couple will be? presumably they'll see how quiet your baby is and how you can't be seperated from him. maybe they'll have a change of heart, or at least have the decency to be embarrassed.

very interested to know what happened...

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