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Original poster

no children wedding invite - baby 6 weeks....

114 replies

clairemow · 05/08/2006 10:00

Just wondered what you all think...

We've been invited to a wedding, where children are not invited. I totally understand this wish, and am completely comfortable leaving my 2 year old with my mum! However, at the time of the wedding, we will have a new baby who will be under 2 months, and possibly only 6 weeks, depending when he's born. I will be bf him, and don't really want to leave such a tiny baby.

Should I ask to bring the baby, or should I just not go and send DH on his own? That would be a shame, they are good friends...

OP posts:
hulababy · 05/08/2006 13:33

MrsSchadenfreude - I would, in that case, blame the parents NOT the children. Without discpline the children don't know they are doing wrong. It was the parent's fault and they were equally as badly behaved IMO.

psychomum5 · 05/08/2006 13:37

we have been inviteed many times to 'child-free' weddings, and to be honest (for me only understand) I love it as it gives us a complete break from the children.

that said tho, we have in fact taken any of ours when they were tiny as I have either been breastfeeding, or in the case of one wedding, our DD3 was 10mths but had just been in hospital with pnuemonia and so we weren't wanting to leave her, aspecially as it was an overnighter. the bride and groom were completely accepting of that, and she got a lot of attention too.
the older two were left home with BIL & SIL, which was hard as I had already been apart from them while in hospital with DD3, but they loved it, and we relaxed.

of course, nowadays we have older and noisy ones so would always be grateful of the break.

you can only ask tho, and I would be very surprised if they say no....most babes in arms aren't the issue...it is the noise and having to pay for many kiddies meals (which obviously eats into a wedding budget), which you'll find is the main reason for most to stipulate this.

we had over 30 kiddies at our wedding as we are both the youngest in our families, and altho we loved it (and also as a trained nursery nurse everyone told me it would be odd for us not to have any), I have to say that it did get quite loud at times, and we even had to stop half-way thro saying vows as one of them suddenly got scared of something and so had to be taken out! We also had to think about where to hold the reception because of the children aspect, but then again, as I have said, we loved it.

Tommy · 05/08/2006 13:53

I had they are nice sensible people who of course won't mind you bringing your tiny babay with you - it's not as if s/he is going to eat anything or take up an extra place is it?

A friend of mine has just been to a wedding where one os the guests was in a similar dilemma and the couple said no - she couldn't bring her breastfed baby with her and then got put out when she sadi she wouldn't be coming!

Original poster
clairemow · 05/08/2006 14:04

Hope I haven't started a nasty thread!! didn't mean to open a can of worms... going to ask, and if they say no, DH will have to go on his own. They were his friends originally anyway.

I really can understand the no children thing - it is expensive and as they are a couple who don't have kids and don't intend to, it is their day.

OP posts:
LieselVonTrapp · 05/08/2006 20:32

Sorry I forgot its not about the couples "special day" its really all about taking a very small baby to show off cause you cant make alternative arrangements.

sobernow · 05/08/2006 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goldendelicious · 05/08/2006 21:03

Been to a 'child-free' wedding last week (dh's cousin) - ds wasn't invited (11 months). However there was a tiny baby there (being bf) only about six weeks old (ish), they'd asked couple and they said yes as they wanted them to be there.

However countless children at the evening reception of all ages, relatives and non relatives. Why wasn't ds invited????? . I was not amused!

goldendelicious · 05/08/2006 21:04

Forgot to add we had all children at our wedding, ceremony, meal and evening reception. They're as much a part of the family as everyone else and TBH it made the day ten times better, they were full of fun all day.

madrose · 05/08/2006 21:28

we've only ever beem to one child free wedding - Dh's cousin. at the time we thought it bizarre, but once there, we realised that the venue wasn't suitable for children.

unfortunately it did mean that BIL & SIL couldn't come, which was sad/

Rookiemum · 05/08/2006 22:14

It may just be a numbers thing in which case you should certainly ask them. At our wedding we invited children if the parents had travelled a fair distance so would be less likely to be able to arrange childcare and not for those who lived locally.
There was one couple with a young baby and they asked us and of course we said yes, but numbers wise we just couldn't have had everyones kids there much as we believed that weddings are a family affair and children have as much right as anyone else to be there.

emkana · 05/08/2006 22:17

How the hell can you make alternative arrangements for a six week old breastfed baby????
Even if you left enough b/milk expressed you'd be absolutely bursting with milk after a short while, so you'd have to run off to express all the time...
barking.
Of course if baby cries you should take him/her outside so as not to disturb service/speeches, but otherwise a six-week-old baby is no trouble whatsoever.

Caligula · 05/08/2006 22:21

Oh good a wedding thread.

jasper · 05/08/2006 22:50

here here aitch.
I am all for no kids at ANY social gathering but a breastfeeding newborn doesn't really count does it?

Tommy · 05/08/2006 23:15

rookiemum -how can it be a question of numbers?! A six week baby is not going to eat anything nor sit down!!!!

LieselVonTrapp · 05/08/2006 23:30

Im sure the last thing the brides thinking about is your breastfedding arrangements.

Monkeybar · 05/08/2006 23:31

I've just not been to a wedding because of the 'no children' rule. That said, at my own wedding I was more against children than for. I spoke to all the friends with children and told them that although their kids weren't strictly speaking invited (I'd imagined a grown up day) that the kids were welcome if their absence meant their parents couldn't come, but that there'd be no entertainment laid on for them and they would be their parents' responsibility. I think weddings are probably very boring for little ones, so it's not surprising that some of them get a bit brattish.
I don't believe that weddings are all about children, though (my sister used that line when I said I didn't want kids there) But it would irk me now if I went to a wedding which stipulated no kids, to then find lots of other kids there (even if they WERE relatives of the happy couple!)

I would ask your friends if you could bring the newborn.

sobernow · 05/08/2006 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 05/08/2006 23:37

haven't read all the posts - assuming they don;t have kids they probably have no idea what looking after a breast-fed new-born means (I certainly didn't). It was a total revelation to me that a. you didn;t get to choose when to feed them. b. they want to feed every 2-3 hours and c. you just can't leave them with granny and some bottles. If you can gently tell them these 3 basic facts, along with telling them that she'll probably sleep for huge parts of the day, and assuring them that if she/he cries during the ceremony or the speeches you'll make a hasty exit, I'm sure they won't mind. having said all that I didn;t practise what I preach and when I was invited to a non-child wedding when dd2 was tiny I didn;t go. (but it wasn't a really good friend, so I wasn't that fussed)

Olihan · 05/08/2006 23:45

We've been to 4 weddings since we had ds. 1 was just us invited, the other 3 invited ds but the only one we actually took him to was my step brother's (lots of kids in the family, etc). Tbh, it was a nightmare, he was shattered from the travelling, bored -he was 15 months - and he had a huge paddy in the middle of the ceremony so dh missed the whole thing. We're going to another one this friday and the kids are invited but we're leaving them with my mum so that we can enjoy ourselves and not have to worry about behaviour, naps, bedtime, food, etc.

I'm firmly of the opinion that you can't enjoy yourself properly if you're concentrating on keeping the kids under control and it's far better to leave them with someone if you're lucky enough to be able to do that.

Having said that, I can't see how anyone would object to having a 6 week old baby at a wedding. It's just not something you could have a problem with.

WideWebWitch · 06/08/2006 06:49

Oh Liesel, oh Liesel, I disagree!. I don't buy this 'special day' stuff, I just don't. Yes, it's important; yes, it's a big deal getting married but it doesn't entitle the bride or anyone else involved to be a completely selfish arse wrt to theit guests. And anyone refusing to allow a 6week old breastfed baby to attend a wedding IS a selfish arse imnsho.

mistressmiggins · 06/08/2006 07:40

I would say if they have no children, they have no idea about babies so I would ask

I feel mortified that my friend didnt bring her 18 wk old baby & I think she had to go home to feed her

in my defence, she didnt ask and we would have said yes (I hope

i think that its more to do with children running around that spoil/annoy people rather than babies

pooka · 06/08/2006 08:08

We were invited to a no child wedding when dd was 2.5 and ds was4 weeks old. No prob farming dd out, ut b/feeding ds so couldn't leave him (didn't want to either). Asked and were told that he still couldn't come. So dh went to a bit of the wedding, I didn;t, and they were narked that I didn't join them on their "special day". I mean, really!

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 06/08/2006 16:28

never mind pooka - if she has her own one day she'll be covered with guilt

Original poster
clairemow · 06/08/2006 18:36

Pooka that's awful! We need to explain exactly how impossible it is to leave a breastfed baby at 5/6 weeks. I'm sure they'll be fine about it, and if not, it's their loss...

OP posts:
laudaud · 07/08/2006 09:17

When we were getting married, we consulted friends who have 4 children on whether or not we should invite children - I wasn't keen to have kids running around. Our friends said they would prefer to go on their own and leave the children with grandparents. We did have our nieces(flowergirls) and nephews (so 4 children under 3)and my best friends 2 week old baby -there was no way I would have made any rules to exclude her! One couple didn't come because they were annoyed by the no children rule but everyone else was happy about it.