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Original poster

bereaved

56 replies

mumsywumsy · 06/03/2004 20:18

hi everyone .... dunno if u remember me coz i haven't posted in a long time ... Unfortunately, and this is still painful .. i lost DH to ...what else ? cancer ...it seems to be evrywhere...i have been thoroughly confused by the resulting reactions ... at times i'm relieved that he's not in pain any more ...at times i just go to pieces ...and then sometimes i shake myself up and say - have to get on ... i don't think i'll ever stop grieving at this rate ...and now am alone and its scary ...so very diff to actually put in words what i am going thru ...needed a bit of TLC so thot i'd drop by ....

OP posts:
tamum · 06/03/2004 20:21

I'm so sorry to hear that. How utterly awful for you.

womba1 · 06/03/2004 20:23

mumsy....sending you lots of love, best wishes and hugs at this time xxx

i lost my uncle to cancer on wednesday...all i can say is, don't try and be brave...let it all out xxx

spacemonkey · 06/03/2004 20:23

so sorry mumsy X

WideWebWitch · 06/03/2004 20:24

So sorry to hear this.

popsycal · 06/03/2004 20:24

hi mumsywumsy. This must be dreadful for you. Please keep posting as i have found mumsnetters to be a kind and lovely bunch of people

hmb · 06/03/2004 20:25

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Hugs and best wishes to you.

collision · 06/03/2004 20:27

What a terrible thing to have to go through. Hugs to you and keep posting

CookieMonster · 06/03/2004 20:27

mumsy, that is terrible news. I can't imagine what you must be going through but if it helps to write it down - I know it does for me when I'm very mixed up about something - then do it here ... there will lots of hugs and caring thoughts coming your way. Here's mine ((hugs)) CM x

ScummyMummy · 06/03/2004 20:37

So very sorry to read that, mumsywumsy. Lots of tlc from me. I think grief is so different for every person and I'm very sure it's normal to feel different things on different days too. How long has it been? Do you feel that you can probably eventually come to terms with dh's death by using your normal resourses and support network or would it help to talk to a bereavement councellor at all?

Beetroot · 06/03/2004 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Janh · 06/03/2004 21:13

mumsy, I'm so sorry to hear this - I'm not surpirsed you feel scared and alone. Angry too (not with him) I should think. Don't know how I would deal with your situation. How old are your children? Do you have family to help you?

Yes, you have got to just grit your teeth and get on with life but I don't believe the grief ever goes completely - just gets easier to deal with. For him, you can be glad his pain has ended but for you, the pain goes on.

Please come and talk to us if we can help.

XXX

suedonim · 06/03/2004 21:25

How terrible for you and your family, Mumsywumsy, I'm very sorry.

My sister lost her dh very suddenly in January, so I can guess just a little of what you are going through. It won't be easy and the road will be rocky but as someone once said, one day there will be blue skies again. Take care.

Thomcat · 06/03/2004 21:25

Jesus! I'm SO sorry. And here was me feeling down becasue I've fallen out big time with a best mate. Felt like I was greiving for her, then read your post and feel pathetic. I'm so, so sorry. F*ing cancer. I hate it so much. I've lost someone very close to me because of it and my dad lost his girlfriend.

Do you want to talk some more? Tell me/us about him, good things and that?

SHIREENSMOM · 06/03/2004 22:07

im so sorry for you mumsywumsy hugsxxxxxxxxx

coppertop · 06/03/2004 22:20

Mumsy, so sorry to hear you're going through such an awful time. Sending you lots of TLC too. xxx

twiglett · 06/03/2004 22:22

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stace · 07/03/2004 10:09

So sorry to have read your recent posting, i can only begin to understand a little of your loss and some of your feeling having lost both parents recently. I really does help to talk and there are just so many people on this site waiting to listen and chat back and send you huge hugs and big shoulders, keep talking to whoever the best i can offer is that time does kind of heal but more than that the feelings and emotions that you are feeling become more familiar and therefore less scary. Keep talking we are all here for you!!!

marthamoo · 07/03/2004 10:13

I am so sorry, mumsywumsy (((HUGS))). Keep posting, keep talking, don't bottle any of your feelings up.

SoupDragon · 07/03/2004 11:04

Hugs... you'll generally find a lot of TLC here.

katzguk · 07/03/2004 13:13

mumsywumsy, i'm so sorry, can i offer you the name of a fanstastic charity which will almost certainly be able help. The WAY Foundation provides a self-help social and support network for men and women widowed under the age of 50, and their children. The main aim is to help those widowed young to rebuild their lives by helping one another. My mother-in-law found it to be a wonderful support network when she lost her husband. They have a website with more information on www.wayfoundation.org.uk

hope this helps you and anyone else in the same situation.

my heart goes out to you and all your family

sb34 · 07/03/2004 13:23

Message withdrawn

Tinker · 07/03/2004 13:29

Oh this is terrible mumsy. Wishing you lots and lots of comfort.

Marina · 08/03/2004 09:49

Mumsywumsy, I'm terribly sorry to hear of your husband's death. Something similar happened to a colleague with a young family a while ago. Apparently this organisation were helpful:

WIDWODS
c/o 60 Rocks Park
Uckfield
East Sussex TN22 2AX
(01825) 765084 (evenings)
Small support group of young widows aiming to provide practical and emotional support for those who experience the loss of a partner. Please include a stamped addressed envelope.

Please keep posting if it helps. I hope you have family support nearby. [Hugs]]

Original poster
mumsywumsy · 11/03/2004 11:48

thank u everyone... i'm not very regular here and am Xtremely busy just now ... so pls don't think that i'm ignoring yu all, if i haven't posted in awhile.

Its so difficult to be articulate sometimes. Dh an i were great together and we saw each other thru thick and thin... he indulged me,loved me,spoilt me..even tho i was quite a sour puss at times ! he knew me since i was a pimply,awkward, huge- thick -glasses -wearing 13 yr old and always told me ( even then) that i was beautiful.. and all r life together he never let me forget that...only thing i feel terrible about is that i'll never be able to tell him i love him again and how much he means to me .. oh dear! I really miss him ..am i goin over the top...pls raise hands...

OP posts:
Twinkie · 11/03/2004 11:59

He knows you love him - of that I sincerely believe there is no question - he loves you - the essence of you from when he first met you - a very loving and giving man it seems - the glasses and spots didn't make a difference - he loved you and knows that you love him.

I hope things get easier for you and you will reach a point when you look back at memories and they are filled with joy at the time you spent together and your missing him is a tiny tinge of sadness rather than an all encompassing pain.

TWINKIE XXX