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Original poster

swimming pool - or going to public loos we can't go because ds wont go to ladies one how do you manage?

73 replies

bin · 01/08/2006 15:51

Just wondering. We haven't been for about a year now. He's 8 and I wish we could still go swimming. Am I being stiffling by not letting him go to gents/mens changing rooms on his own?

OP posts:
tiredemma · 01/08/2006 15:53

No, I wouldnt allow my son into changing rooms/toilets alone, he is 6 now and i cant see it changing for quite few years, I suppose i may be paranoid but i would never live with myself if anything happened in the male changing rooms

brimfull · 01/08/2006 15:54

I saw the sign in our gym the other day and I did think it was quite young,although I also wouldn't want an 8 yr old boy in the ladies changing room .
Our local pool has family changing rooms.
Could he perhaps go in with a friend.

Kittypickle · 01/08/2006 15:54

Our local swimming pool has a family room to deal with this sort of situation I think. Might be worth ringing around and seeing if any local to you do.

Enid · 01/08/2006 15:55

I would be fine about letting him go alone

I let dd1 go alone (she's 6.5)

SecondhandRose · 01/08/2006 15:57

He should be OK, wait outside, give him strict instructions not to talk to anyone. My DS is now 11, you just have to let them get on with it.

Original poster
bin · 01/08/2006 15:57

no one nearby has a family changing room and he can't go with a male. It's so unfair. total waste of money paid on swimming lessons. I also agree it's unfair on women/girls in ladies changing room and unfair on ds.

OP posts:
dmo · 01/08/2006 15:57

i felt the same apart from them being in chaning room on their own with stange men they cant be trusted to put all their stuff in the locker and lock it
our pool has now got mixed changing rooms with family rooms too but have you seen the other thred (perv just took photo of me naked) not sure your safe anywhere now a days

drosophila · 01/08/2006 16:15

Don't see why anyone would have a problem with an 8yr old boy in the Womens changing room. They are still very much a child!!!!!

dmo · 01/08/2006 16:16

its a shame the children have to miss out on swimming because of this rule
if you kept your 8yr old in a corner there should be no problems

joelallie · 01/08/2006 18:22

I think the rules are daft FWIW. I wouldn't have problems with 8 yr old boys in a changing room. I would let mine go on his own with strict instructions to get in and out ASAP.

roisin · 01/08/2006 18:28

My dss (7 and 9) go alone to gents' toilets and have done for ages. (I wouldn't let them use 'dodgy public loos' though - use my judgment there.)

They also use swimming changing rooms unaccompanied as well: Neither of them are particularly mature or well-organised, but they manage their gear well - and it's the only way they'll learn!

You'll be surprised how quickly the time flies before they are at secondary school, and they will cope far better if they are well-used by then to looking after themselves and taking responsibility for their gear.

foxinsocks · 01/08/2006 18:29

why don't you let him get changed before you go (wearing the swim shorts as shorts) then all he has to do is whip off his shirt by the side of the pool

then afterwards, either let him have a quick change in the men's (won't take long) or let him dry his shorts as much as poss with a towel and put his shirt back on again.

roisin · 01/08/2006 18:33

I wouldn't have a problem with an 8-yr-old in the ladies, but I think the adolescent/pre-pubescent girls in there would have a big problem.

We are lucky that there is a family changing area, but it's quite small, and frequently crowded at holidays, so you have to wait ages. This is why I've educated my boys to use the gents independently.

foxinsocks · 01/08/2006 18:37

dd goes to the loo by herself now - she's nearly 6 (not 'dodgy public loos')

clumsymum · 01/08/2006 18:43

I really think we have to keep things in perspective. Despite the media trying to persuade us otherwise, there are NOT paedophiles round every corner, in every loo and changing room across the land.

My ds (aged 6) has been going into mens loos at the supermarket or such if he needs to for at least the last year.

At the moment dh normally takes ds swimming, but if I did I would let ds change in the mens.

foxinsocks · 01/08/2006 18:44

I also think, like roisin says, that this sort of thing is a good opportunity to learn to do things for themselves.

poopy · 02/08/2006 08:47

At our local pool there is a sign saying that children over the age of 6 cannot change in opposite gender changing rooms and please use the family changing rooms provided.
I think that if swimming pools are going to enforce this rule they MUST provide an alternative changing facility for families. And I think you should ask your local pool to provide this as they are in fact descriminating. You are perfectly within your rights to NOT want your child to change on his own in a Men's changing room.
I let my 6 year old change in the men's as he feels very strongly that he wants that independence. He knows I am uncomfortable with it but he is always very quick and knows to shout or run if anything 'scary' happens. I have been a bit over the top about stranger danger with him but that is because I was almost abducted when I was 7 .
IMO You have to let them grow up and give them bits of independence when they are ready for it ... and also you also have to have a bit of trust in strangers ... the world has become a sad place (IMO) in that we expect every strange man to be a paedophile.
Having said all that - when I take DS swimming it is very busy and the changing rooms are very open plan so no one could really very easily do anything dodgy without being seen ...

hernow · 02/08/2006 09:07

Trouble is there are pervs everywhere and it's pot luck as to who encounters them sometimes. I once witnessed two teenage girls in a very unsavoury situation on the London tube years ago. I was dumbfounded and was younger than them at the time. Our local had family changing rooms but think someone said they have been done away with due to lack of space. Once again, planners failing in their job surely!

KTeePee · 02/08/2006 09:18

My kids have their swimming lessons at a pool in the local secondary school. After school it is generally only the kids having their lessons who are in the changing rooms (plus parents). As the boys get older and more independent they tend to change in the male changing room but one boy in my dd's class (so assume is a similar age - 9/10) is still being brought into the female changing room by his mum. He seems perfectly capable of changing himself (though she hovers about with a towel to ptotect his modesty) and I have to bite my tongue every time I see them in there - like Roisin I wouldn't object to him being there if it was me changing but I can see it bothering some of the girls. He doesn't look too comfortable himself! I really can't see why his mother is doing this - after all when he goes to swimming lesons from school he has to fend for himself in terms of getting changed and the male changing room only has other children from the classes in there - not members of the general public

UCM · 02/08/2006 09:26

Bin, can I ask why he can't go with a male. They haven't put a ban on Dads taking their kids swimming while I wasn't looking, have they?? This is a genuine question by the way, am not being sarcastic . It wouldn't surprise me if they have....

Bozza · 02/08/2006 09:40

Personally I think that when DS gets to 8 I will be quite happy for him to go into the male changing room on his own. I will probably get the chance to do half a dozen lengths before he emerges mind you. Part of this though is maybe down to the fact that we have a local village baths that I feel comfortable with and the chances are that there might be a man in there that I actually know anyway. He is 5 and I am just starting letting him go in men's toilets on his own in certain situations such as local soft play, some food pubs etc but not yet ready for Meadowhall.

I agree with Roisin's views on this which I have read before on here and thought were very sensible.

Original poster
bin · 02/08/2006 09:44

UCM, v personal why dad can't take him to swimming pool so answer basically is he just can't and I can't explain here.

Hate the fact that my worries interfere with bringing up my children but like any other mother I just want to protect them.

OP posts:
Clary · 02/08/2006 09:49

Eight-year-olds and above have to go to appropriate sex changing rooms (and hence loos) at our pool.
Below that age it's OK for them to be changed by parents of opp sex in room appropriate to parent.
That means next yr DS1 (now 7) will get changed on his own in the men's.
I'm fine with that actually. He often goes into the gents loos eg at the pool and I wait outside. You have to let go a bit sometime I think. Agree with roisin tho about dodgy looking loos. In fact agree with R's whole post as ever.
DS1 BTW is doing a kids' club this week with DD (5) and they both have to get themselves changed for and after swim. I assume the leaders help the little ones but I think it's a good thing all round for them to get used to doing it themselves.

Bozza · 02/08/2006 10:02

clary DS is 5 and quite capable of sorting himself out. It's just a case of whether you want him ready this week or next. I don't actually help him but do stand there saying "now your socks DS" and "don't put your shorts on yet you've not got your pants on" as he stares around the room at what everybody else is doing or gazes into the middle distance.

Clary · 02/08/2006 10:06

bozza lol at gazing into middle distance, DS1 often does that if not nagged. I guess next year I'll have to be standing outside the ch room shouting come on DS1!!

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