swimming pool - or going to public loos we can't go because ds wont go to ladies one how do you manage?

[bin]

Just wondering. We haven't been for about a year now. He's 8 and I wish we could still go swimming. Am I being stiffling by not letting him go to gents/mens changing rooms on his own?

Usually I am the over protective one in our relationship when it comes to the DC but on this issue DP is fanatical. He is passionate about me never letting DS to the gents on his own (he is 6). Having been out with a good friend recently who got very drunk and told me about what Men get up to in the public loos especially at Charring Cross station I wonder if his fears stem from this.

Another friend of mine had told me about being propositioned by a guy in the next urinal and I must admit I thought it was a tall tale but according to this other friend it is a very common occurrence in public loos. I asked why wasn't it more talked about and why was he really drunk before he told me but he couldn't answer me.

Not sure how relevant this is to Swimming pools but I guess the fear is that the same types who frequent the loos at Charing Cross station are fond of swimming too. Perhaps I should ask the Men in the Men's Room about this phenomenon. BTW both friends are straight and apparently so are a lot of the Men that are looking for relief in public loos.

Don't know if anyone has already mentioned this but another idea if you are travelling to the pool by car is to get the children to put on towelling dressing gowns and flip flops and walk to the car and get showered at home. Beats trying to pull up pants over a wet bum!

After hearing about the young girl being attacked in a supermarket toilets, I gulped hard as I had on several occasions allowed my 7yr old dd go to the loo in Tesco whilst I continued to shop - it isn't a massive store and she is very familiar with it. When I thought about it, the gents/ladies/baby changing/disabled loos there are in close proximity within a lobby area, which could mean someone with evil intent would be able to grab someone and drag them into a room unobserved (shudder). So I have revised my ideas and now only have peace of mind if we go together if she needs to use the loo.

It was a dilemma when shopping with my dss at this age so I sympathise with the predicament - this letting go stuff doesn't come easily. Promoting their independence whilst being aware of potential dangers for me means weighing up the situation and deciding what I am most comfortable with.

bin, I think it's outrageous that you and DS are being stopped from swimming by a lack of facilities - if you as a parent don't want him in the gents on his own, then that's fine, and I'm sure many parents feel the same.

COMPLAIN!! Don;t let the council get away with saying "oh well nobody has ever complained so we don't need to do anything about it"; if you don't like the situation wrtie to the centre manager and someone at your local council, your MP, everyone you can think of! It is very old fashiond not to have family rooms available nowadays and they need to get with the times!

Have to laugh at people not wanting an accompanied 8yr old in a ladies changing room. Like an 8yr old is going to be perving at all the mums and other kids FGS.

My DS is 9 and is still dragged into the ladies loos if the mens look a bit seedy. We have mixed changing at our pool so not tackled that yet. I wouldn't be too worried about him changing in a seperate mens area , but I certainly wouldn't worry about a boy in the ladies.

I agree: at my gym a woman brought her little boy (about 3) in to the women's changing room and said 'now don't you go looking at ANYONE!) I mean, talk about giving the kid a hangup!

Could you maybe wait till an obvious family goes in to the men's (e.g. dad with two little boys) and ask if your little boy could tag along? or tell him to stick near them. It's hard to keep them safe but not to make them so hyper-aware of paedophiles round every corner that it ruins their childhood...

gemmitygem I sometimes feel like saying that to mine. When DS was younger and DD now really stare at people as they are getting changed and it is quite embarassing. Especially as it is over 50s before the baby session so it is all the old wrinklies getting dried as we are getting ready. Obviously I don't because they'd probably repeat it in a very loud and carrying voice....

I spose I thought her tone was more like implying that seeing people's bodies was somehow wrong and 'naughty', more than not staring because it's rude to stare iyswim..

I personally don't give a bugger if a little kid stares at me; that's just something they do even if you're not changing or whatever, it does make you feel discomforted but they soon learn, and I'm sure that once I'm old and wrinkly I'll care even less!

I'll never forget being in a small village in India, and a couple of little kids about 6 and 4 who had never seen someone white had to be taken away crying and in hysterics by their parents when they met me because they were so scared and horrified by the way I looked and thought I was dead! so embarrassing!

gemmitygem - I got what you meant really. Was just being a bit tongue in cheek - PMSL at you giving the poor Indian children nightmares...

I once had 2 boys staring at me weirdly whilst I was showering and was very annoyed. They were maybe 7 or 8. I found it creepy.

I think it is ok if you can keep them from staring at other people. What age do children start having sexual thoughts anyway?

I don't think it's appropriate for 8 yr olds upward to be in ladies changing rooms. I don't care who sees my ample bits and bobs but have been openly stared at by 9/10yr olds who should know better. My daughter is 11 and shpuld not have to be ogled at by some lazy kid who can't dress himself. She won't let me see her naked so why should some kid?! SN kids are excluded, even though I appreciate it's hard for people to know. If your kid can't change himself then he needs lessons in life. I will not allow my DD to go to the toilet on her own now, since the sainsbury's eposide. I have had to curtail her freedom because of a perv. She takes my son (7yrs) into the ladies for me because I will not allow him to go into the mens on his own. I still stand outside the door though.

I don't take my 9yr old boy with me because he is lazy or unable to dress himself. I don't want to send him off on his own to deal with hoards of teenagers or dodgy guys in an open changing area. Ok the teenagers are what we encounter usually.

UK female changing areas normally have seperate cubicals for changing anyway so not many chances for ogling. Kids tend to stare at anything but I am damm sure a 9yr old has no sexual interest in the saggy bits of other mums. most would be to busy hiding behind their own towels. I would tell my kid not to stare out of good manners sam as any other situation. I am so gald we have mixed changing at my usual pool.

When I started mentioning saggy bits - I was talking about my 2 yr old staring. Agree it is quite different at 8/9/10.

And yes there are a few cubicles at my local baths but I prefer to use the open area because trying to change with kids in a cubicle is a bit tight for space.

But he's 9. What is he going to do at Senior school in 2 yrs time? There is no excuse for a 9 yr old(IMHO) to be in a ladies changing room. My 7 yr old has to do mixed swimming at school and there is already banter between boys and girls about bits and bobs. Why can't he just get changed and get ready. It takes ten,fifteen minutes to get ready. Don't men's changing rooms have cubicles too? Surely he must be embarrassed too, all those ladies/girls getting changed or if he's not, then mybe he's too embarrassed to say to you. I have no objection with families seeing each other naked but IMHO my DD wouldn't want some 9yr looking at her. He may/may not be interested but she would be mortified. Let him grow up a little.

Even at our school pool once they are 8 they are required to be segregated for changing but there are loos in the communal shower area so I suppose they could change in there if needs be. Obviously I don't have as many worries there but at some point he'll have to go to a public pool changing area on his own and already wants to go to mens loos.

If you are worried take him ready changed so he just has to take the outer layer off and perhaps with tracksuit bottoms or shorts he can put over the top to wear home. Most trunks don't hold much water now anyway once towelled off.

Is your pool open for general swimming while the lessons take place ? Could he take a lesson at the same time as a friend.

Whoever it was who said they had to laugh at people who felt uncomfortable being watched by an 8 yr old - well it wasn't me in particualr I was thinking of - I'll happily get changed in the open. (sports and drama means I now have few hangups about mixed changing)

However thinking of myself at 9 and my neighbours DD at 10 I wouldn't feel comfortbale getting changed at that age 8-12 with an 8 yr old boy in the room with me. Kids do get sexual thoughts and feelings at 7 and upwards. given that 8 yr old girls can start their periods 8 yr old boys are certianly old enough to have that knowledge.

If its one big room then whats the danger in your boy getting changed in there? Unless you are assuming that every male in there is a closet pervert specifically with a fetish about young boys?? You send him in and give him 5-10 mins, longer than that and you call to him or get an attendant to go in and check he is okay (not messing about or in trouble).

For me its not the pervert thing that is my main worry it is all the older boys taking the piss and mucking about, and I wouldn't have him getting changed in the ladies if it was open changing, only if it was cubicals.

agree 8 year old boys go int eh mens room

ime there are far more many LOVELY dads who watch out for htem than pervs

I wish there were more dads, at the little pool we used to go to there are only old ladies, mums and babies and lots of bored teenagers sent off to the pool as they get cards to get in cheap. Not many nice daddies, might have gone more often if there was .

What would dads do with little dds btw ?

DH used to take DD into the mens changing when she was little, but it is easy enough now as our main pool has mixed changing. Don't think she would be as keen now she is six, but I wouldn't worry so much about her going herself as I said lots of old ladies an mums with babies to make sure she wasn't harrased by older girls.

Another point is mens loos and loos in ghanging rooms are bogging.