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Original poster

swimming pool - or going to public loos we can't go because ds wont go to ladies one how do you manage?

73 replies

bin · 01/08/2006 15:51

Just wondering. We haven't been for about a year now. He's 8 and I wish we could still go swimming. Am I being stiffling by not letting him go to gents/mens changing rooms on his own?

OP posts:
Bozza · 02/08/2006 10:10

Yeah I'm more bothered about the prospect of the 20 minute wait in the entrance than the prospect that he won't be able to manage....

Northerner · 02/08/2006 10:14

A perv took my picture on his camera phone at our local pool last week, I was in a cubicle and naked. He looked over the top. We have mixed sex changing rooms.

You can never be too careful....

Clary · 02/08/2006 11:34

northerner at mixed sex changing rooms!

Bozza · 02/08/2006 11:41

clary as I understand it from northerner's other thread they were cubicles and northerner was in one with her DS. The perv stood on the bench or whatever and took the photo from the next cubicle over the partition. There is a leisure pool near us with this arrangement with the cuicles on the pool side. This is the sort of arrangement I think a lot of people further down the thread were advocating.

kimi · 02/08/2006 11:44

I wont let my sons go in to the gents on their own, even in mcdonalds ect (sons age 10 and almost 6) and i have even gone in to the gents with them on occation!
Our pool has family changing cubicals so thats a big help, as it means no one can be upset by a 10 year old in the ladies changing room. Showers are also mixed and so thats not a problem as they are pool side so everyone keeps bathing suits on.
Although both my children have been told from an early age what parts of them its WRONG for someone else to touch, not to talk to people they dont know, and if anyone touches them or grabs them shout blue bloody murder, i cant help but worry, so for now its the family changing room for us.

FoghornLeghorn · 02/08/2006 11:47

I personally wouldn't let my 8 year old boy or girl go inot a changing room or toilet on their own. My DD is only 2 at present so my views may change by the time she reaches 8.
Look at what happened to that poor young girl in Sainsburys (leamington Spa) can't recall how old she was but just goes to show you don't know who could be in there.

Clary · 02/08/2006 11:48

Hmm can't say I fancy that really.
Ours has a big room where everyone changes together (but separate for women and men) tho there are a couple of cubicles.
Northerner's experience is horrible, of course, but I hope I would be right (and not just naive) in saying it's very rare.

Clary · 02/08/2006 11:49

foghorn (great name!) that girl in Sainsbo's was 12 IIRC. Surely none of us are expecting to escort our 12-yo children into the public loos????

FoghornLeghorn · 02/08/2006 11:53

Didn't realise she was 12, thought it was younger.
I don't know what the answer is to be honest, I just feel you can never be too careful, you hear so many horror stories.

Bozza · 02/08/2006 11:57

I agree with clary. And that girl's experience was horrific but you have to draw a line somewhere and allow them to grow up. I disagree with kimi going into the gents - I would not be happy about a man coming into the ladies so surely it works both ways.

Bigmerlin · 02/08/2006 12:29

We have 1 big changing room with a row of men's cubicles, a row of women's and a row of family ones. My problem is that the family ones have very low, very easy to use locks on them. Which dd (2yrs) learnt to open a while back, and now thinks it's hilarious to open the door and run away when I'm naked. Why can't they have little catches at the top aswell for those who need to use them??!

psychomum5 · 02/08/2006 12:36

I know this isn't ansering how to manage but I can't take my kiddies swimming at all!!!

I have 5 and that means that on my own I am not allowed to go as there is a rule in ours saying only 2 under 8's per parent.

altho if I could, we have a family changeing that is made sure that only families go into.

Hallgerda · 02/08/2006 12:37

I've been allowing all three of my sons to go into gents toilets and swimming pool changing rooms from the time when they were able to use the facilities independently, with no problems whatsoever, unless you count the time I heard DS2 (4 at the time) read out the information poster about the clap clinic at the top of his voice then ask his seven year old brother what it was all about .

prettybird · 02/08/2006 12:54

Glasgow has "changing villages", ie lots of cubicles by the poolside, some of which are family sized (not enoguh actually). Ds occasionally asks to use a cubicle on his own, (especailly if we are having difficulty getting a faimly cubicle), which I allow, but make it a race to see who gets changed quickest!

ds is 5 (6 in September) and I let him go to the loo now on his own if he insists. I do still stand outside the door worrying if he takes too long though! He loves the sense of independence and I think it iis good thing to encourage - and at the same time, to teach them about "stranger danger" - that no-one should ask them to do anything "secret" and that they weren't comfortable with.

Like Roisin, wouldn't use a public loo that I don't know (silly thing to say - if course I dont' "know" any public gents loos! )/ didn't like the lok of,
but ds has been in to Gents on his own at Pizza Express and various other restaurants (jncluding McDonalds), John Lewis, Homebase, Glasgow Aiport - and at the swimming pool. And he went off cheerfully to the loo on his at our hotel in Greece.

But then, I am definitely in the "ultra relaxed" school of parenting and allow ds all sorts fo freedoms (that I enjoyed when I was young) that some Mumsnetters would be horrified at!

UCM · 02/08/2006 12:56

Sorry, Bin. I thought you meant in general that your pool didn't allow children in with males!! I wasn't prying

youknowwhat · 02/08/2006 12:59

Let them grow. At that age, I was going to the pool with my school, getting dressed and undressed on my own etc... wo any pr0blems
I think 8 is a reasonnanble age to let them get on with it.
What about the child's point of view ? Will an 8yo boy be confortable in being an all female changing room ???
Re the danger, there isn't any more pervers than before (ie there isn't any more aggression etc recorded by the police...) we are just more aware about it. Unfortunatly, it is impossible to protect our children and ourself from all possible dangers. I think reasonnable precausions is the way and it is reasonnable to let an 8yo on his own to get changed on his own.

squishy · 02/08/2006 13:41

I can't remember at what age I was allowed to go into the ladies changing room on my own (although it's not the same scale risk that way around), but I remember feeling hideously embarrassed at having to get changed in the gents changing room with my Dad.......just another angle, perhaps.

I agree with the view that if leisure centres make such sweeping rules, they must provide an acceptable alternative to keep parents happy.

I don't like the mixed changing rooms either, but at one of my local ones, the showers are poolside, minimising some child protection and other risks.

Bozza · 02/08/2006 14:24

psychomum I am in exactly the same position as you despite having only two children because the rule is 1-1 under 4s and mine are 5 and 2.

roisin · 02/08/2006 15:41

Can I just say I've got a warm fuzzy feeling from so many people saying they agree with me (for once)!

Eulalia · 02/08/2006 15:41

I had no idea there was a rule about 8 year old being in a female changing room. My ds has just turned 7 and has autism and finds it difficult to get dressed. I can't imagine he'd be able to do this in a years time. Trouble is that all our helpers/carers are female so can't use the male changing rooms. Anyway will worry about that when thetime comes

However have started letting ds go into male toilets - trouble is he wants me to go in with him! It's been Ok so far because no-one else has been around like in the sports centre and boys toilet at the school but I foresee problems ahead!

Bozza · 02/08/2006 15:44

eulalia would you not have genuine grounds for using disabled loo/changing facilities?

Roisin I have agreed with you about men's toilets more than once.

Clary · 02/08/2006 15:54

bozza lol at agreeing about men's toilets! Why were you discussing this, girls?

iota · 02/08/2006 15:55

ds1 is 7 and in recent months has gone to the toilet by himself in restaurants and in our local sports club (David LLoyd).

As far as swimming, the DL lets you take children up to the age of 8 into the opposite sex changing room - when we go to swimming lessons there are loads of children getting changed in the ladies.

At other times I try to send ds1 with his dad, and am training him up to be independent when he is with me - he has his own locker, showers by himself etc. When he's 8 he will have to go by himself into the men's.

roisin · 02/08/2006 16:04

I actually walked into the gents' toilets on holiday in Germany earlier last month by accident. I was very embarrassed! And all the kids were laughing at me.

They didn't have 'names' on the doors, just pictures, and I misread it [blush[

riab · 02/08/2006 20:05

I agree with Clumsymums point.
Because the media picks up on even the lsightest hint of anyhting with sex in it we all see sex everywhere.

I'd certianly let ds go into the male changing rooms alone from about 6 providing he didn't mess about!
If you keep them with you aren't you sending a message that the world is increbily scary and you aren't safe anywhere?

I also agree that 10/11 yr old girls might well feel uncomfortable with an 8yr old in ladies changing.

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