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I shall miss you, I shall kiss you, but I think it's time to go...well, actually only for two weeks but do you think PLEASE Mumsnet could be a bit less damn sanctimonious a place on my return?

283 replies

motherinferior · 31/07/2006 17:52

And PLEASE don't tell me (a) you don't know what I'm on about (b) I'm taking it all too seriously (c)nobody can make me feel bad, it's all my fault.

Look, I came to MN and stayed here and loved it here precisely because it was full of funny, articulate, fallible parents who supported each other and genially accepted that perfection was both unattainable and probably undesirable. Yes, of course there were heated subjects: epidurals, Caesarians, Certain Childcare Practitioners Who Shall Not Be Named, controlled crying, work outside the home, breastfeeding...yep, you name it. But you could also post cheerily on a thread lamenting your own hopelessness, and in fact compete to see who was more hopeless - along with the invaluable support for different birth choices and feeding choices and educational choices and so on.

I feel - and I know I'm not alone, because several people have posted to that effect - that there's now a strong flavour of Perfection Being The Best Option. I simply can't. I am judgemental, of course I am, but I'm not prepared to say that anyone who feeds their child a fruit shoot or leaves them an extra half hour at after school club or puts a bit of pasta in a jar (that'll be me, then) is failing the test.

MN continues to be an enormous source of support for many of us. I'd hate to leave permanently. But I can't, and I won't, measure up to those standards of perfection. And if those are the rules I just don't want to play.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 01/08/2006 08:32

I think that's bollocks, kitty. There's room on the broom. I think there are all sorts of people on here and all sorts of lifestyles. To say "oh you have to be certain sort of person on MN" just because some people disagreed with you on a thread is daft.

WaitingForGodKnows · 01/08/2006 08:34

Hmmm.

MI, I think you're fabulosa but I'm not sure this thread is really getting anyone anywhere. I agree with it, but I don't think it's helpful, if that makes any sense. I think I will go back to not being here, because it's all getting a bit silly now. No-one's perfect, we all know that, and if...oh I can't be arsed, really.

Hope you have a lovely, lovely holiday x

Blackduck · 01/08/2006 08:38

Haven't read whole thread - MI wonderful and articulate as usual, as a non-perfect mum thanks for saying it....MN was a god send to me when I first found it, it made me laugh, cry, get angry, and most of all feel I wasn't alone/the only one....and am with you I can't/won't measure up to the standards of perfection....

ruty · 01/08/2006 08:43

oh for f* sake so heated disagreements on parenting methods are not allowed anymore? Oh yes, anyone who disagrees with you thinks they are perfect. Yawn yawn.

Jimjams2 · 01/08/2006 08:46

I believe this thread has demonstrated that there are lots of people who feel the same. We could all be "wrong", but I for one, have found it enormously helpful to know that, so thank you MI. And that in itself makes it much, much easier to hang around.

FloatingOnTheMed · 01/08/2006 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DottieParker · 01/08/2006 08:47

Absolutley not. I reserve the right to be sanctimonious darling. Its hardly my fault your trying to cover your failures.

tigermoth · 01/08/2006 08:50

happy, happy, happy hols MI -

Missed the Fruit Shoot stuff but I will know what two words to type into 'search' when I want to idle away a spare hour or so.

Sorry Blu is not here and hope she makes a comeback asap.

I don't know really if mumsnet has got more perfectionist - I remember seeing some very catty messages in the early days.

poncetastic - what a fab word

WWW loved reading your messages on this thread.

ruty · 01/08/2006 08:50

i do think you have had some stupid flak Jimjams[I have had some flak too but not as bad] and i can see there are a lot of people who might feel the same. But I don't think people who disagree with certain issues [junk food or whatever] automatically think they are perfect. That is not fair.

tigermoth · 01/08/2006 08:52

so who ARE you dotty parker? will I ever find out?

Jimjams2 · 01/08/2006 08:53

I don't think that anyone thinks that ruty.

kittywits · 01/08/2006 08:54

Sorry you think it's bollocks Franny (bit strong).
of course there SHOULD be "room on the broom" not always the case I'm afraid.
I'm talking from my OWN experience here with discussions on MN

tigermoth · 01/08/2006 08:54

I've jsut had a quick think and no I can't think of one aspect of day to day parenting that I feel passionately about - must try harder.

ruty · 01/08/2006 08:56

LOL tigermoth.
that is just the impression i got Jimjams. anyway I'll butt out now.

Jimjams2 · 01/08/2006 09:03

I don't want to row with anyone about the way they feel or should feel or whatever. I just wanted to state that I found MI's post enormously helpful because it has highlighted that there are other people out there who have watched mumsnet recently and come to the same conclusions, and feel the same way about it all.

That makes it far easier to stay (and this is a kind of hidden request for Blu to come back, and MI to log on when she returns from holiday).

ruty · 01/08/2006 09:05

fair enough Jimjams. I do hope Blu comes back and MI returns too.

NettoFabulous · 01/08/2006 09:08

Different opinions are inevitable, and productive.

Comments like 'ffs' and 'fgs' and 'yawn yawn' less so.

From anyone, on any board.

MrsBadger · 01/08/2006 09:12

[meanwhile I am still grinning at the fact that 'room on the broom' has become shorthand for 'tolerant and inclusive'. Only on MN... ]

ruty · 01/08/2006 09:12

Yeah I knew`someone would pick me up on that. Oh well at least I'm not a perfect mother then.

kittywits · 01/08/2006 09:12

It's the actual insults that are really offensive. It shows to me that some people are incapable of putting their point over in a reasoned and articulte manner and have to resort to swearing and abuse. With people like that I simply discount their opinions as worthless. probably not the result they were hoping for.

expatinscotland · 01/08/2006 09:14

MI,
Spot on as usual.

Have a lovely holiday!

katierocket · 01/08/2006 09:14

Why has Blu gone? That's awful. With no Aloha and Blu gone and MI feeling like this I think MN is going to be a very uninteresting place.

ruty · 01/08/2006 09:16

personal insults are never excusable. But if we are not allowed to say ffs or something, I think that is ridiculous.

expatinscotland · 01/08/2006 09:18

Katie
Blu left on the formula as junk thread, IIRC.

Hopefully only temporarily.

FloatingOnTheMed · 01/08/2006 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.