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I shall miss you, I shall kiss you, but I think it's time to go...well, actually only for two weeks but do you think PLEASE Mumsnet could be a bit less damn sanctimonious a place on my return?

283 replies

motherinferior · 31/07/2006 17:52

And PLEASE don't tell me (a) you don't know what I'm on about (b) I'm taking it all too seriously (c)nobody can make me feel bad, it's all my fault.

Look, I came to MN and stayed here and loved it here precisely because it was full of funny, articulate, fallible parents who supported each other and genially accepted that perfection was both unattainable and probably undesirable. Yes, of course there were heated subjects: epidurals, Caesarians, Certain Childcare Practitioners Who Shall Not Be Named, controlled crying, work outside the home, breastfeeding...yep, you name it. But you could also post cheerily on a thread lamenting your own hopelessness, and in fact compete to see who was more hopeless - along with the invaluable support for different birth choices and feeding choices and educational choices and so on.

I feel - and I know I'm not alone, because several people have posted to that effect - that there's now a strong flavour of Perfection Being The Best Option. I simply can't. I am judgemental, of course I am, but I'm not prepared to say that anyone who feeds their child a fruit shoot or leaves them an extra half hour at after school club or puts a bit of pasta in a jar (that'll be me, then) is failing the test.

MN continues to be an enormous source of support for many of us. I'd hate to leave permanently. But I can't, and I won't, measure up to those standards of perfection. And if those are the rules I just don't want to play.

OP posts:
batters · 31/07/2006 20:29

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FioFio · 31/07/2006 20:34

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ks · 31/07/2006 20:36

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FioFio · 31/07/2006 20:37

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SSSandy · 31/07/2006 20:37

Didn't know MN in the good ole days everyone is missing. Seems fine to me, I just don't pick up on any of the problems - but then I've seen worse

If someone sounds a bit snarky/catty, it really only gives me a warm glow, I feel SO superior Beyond a bit of that, I honestly haven't picked up on anything

ks · 31/07/2006 20:40

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batters · 31/07/2006 20:42

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SSSandy · 31/07/2006 20:49

ks so long as I get to wear red. Always fancied walking down the aisle a scarlet woman. Isn't this a bit bigamous now though?

Dottydot · 31/07/2006 21:25

Have a lovely holiday MI - and don't you dare flipping well leave us! (you know you're my Mumsnet heroine!). Meanwhile, I'll continue to let the boys watch shed loads of telly and bribe them to eat more tea with rewards of jelly babies in your honour!

Joolstoo · 31/07/2006 21:30

oh me too SSSandy - I always feel superior

(even with the Daily Mail under me arm! )

SminkoPinko · 31/07/2006 21:37

Jools! How can you possibly feel superior with the Daily Hate under your arm?!

hunkermunker · 31/07/2006 21:41

Moondog hasn't left, she's busy with life.

MI, have a lovely holiday.

I reserve my right to be po-faced and miserable on here about things I find important and I'm afraid I don't do "oh, aren't I hilariously appalling, I give my children lard on dog shit to eat for dinner, oh hahahahaha! And as for you hippy types who breastfeed, well, you're all wankers!"

SminkoPinko · 31/07/2006 21:43

Nor does anyone else, hunker.

I'm glad moondog hasn't left.

ruty · 31/07/2006 21:43

lol hunker.

hunkermunker · 31/07/2006 22:17

SP, sorry, I got it the wrong way round - dog shit on lard, of course. Silly me

Joolstoo · 31/07/2006 22:20

chill pills all round please

gordon bennett!

joelallie · 01/08/2006 07:29

Oh please don't let MN go all wierd. It's the only place that I can go now that my other favourite on-line home has gone tits-up due to techincal probs and another fav place has just got increasingly fluffy and cuddly and is always giving people virtual hugs ....

BTW I don't understand perfect either. IME parenting is a slog and getting to the end of the day with 3 kids still alive and in one piece is enough of an acheivement, and my sanity and marriage still intact is a bonus. However you get there....

kittywits · 01/08/2006 07:58

Sorry to crash this is looked really interesting. I'm a reasonably new memmber of MN so can't judge if it different now.
I can say that there are some very kind and supportive people here. I have also been the target of threads for days, enduring all sorts of nasty comments and personal attacks on myself and my family. Did I kill someone perhaps? No, I just had views on family life outside the considered norm. The attack was amazing.
I drink and smoke and swear btw.
Probably not relevant, thought I'd let you know.
So yes, I think there IS definitely a hard core group of self-righteous and sanctimonious old bints on MN. I suspect this simply mirrors real life. Just like in real life they can get really wound up and provide quite good entertainment!!

mousiemousie · 01/08/2006 08:03

Those aren't the rules. You need a holiday , then come back and play!

There is room on the broom

And there obviously is no perfect, whatever anyone might pretend in virtual life. Aspiring to perfection in parenting might be unrealistic but its not high on the list of crimes against humanity after all.

You are a great poster BTW

zippitippitoes · 01/08/2006 08:03

where's that kittywits?

I'm clearly missing something

WaitingForGodKnows · 01/08/2006 08:13

Seriously, where are all these posters who say they're perfect? I've never noticed them. As far as I can see, we're all muddling through. I've never got the impression from any poster that they reckon they're getting everything right, all the time.

Lots of posters do have 'pet' subjects, it's true. And I'll even happily admit to the odd bit of self-righteous indignation now and again precisely because, you know, I'm a fallible human being with quirks and irritations and defects. Ironic, huh?

Perfect? Never, not a bit of it, no chance. And I'll gladly prove it to anyone who cares to question me

Can we stop this now, please?

kittywits · 01/08/2006 08:25

I have never seen anyone claiming that they are actually perfect. This attitude comes over, I think, in the comments and criticisms they make on posts. I don't find it a problem , it's no different to real life. A great majority of people here are lovely

FrannyandZooey · 01/08/2006 08:27

I think the other problem about vague threads like this is it leads to lots of people saying "Oh yes, it happened to me as well, they were all mean to me." Then someone else says "What? I missed that." and loads of old feuds get dragged up and raked over.

Kiskidee · 01/08/2006 08:30

its august. last august it was the start of the huge aptamil bunfight.

kittywits · 01/08/2006 08:30

If you are with lots of people having a heated debate on a sensitive subject it IS going to get nasty at times. It is very difficult to have a conversation with someone and not see the expression on their face or listen to the tone of their voice. All sorts of comments can be misinterpreted and of course are.
what I have found on MN is that there is a certain accepted thinking and if you think outside the box then it can be "very tricky" shall we say.

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