So if there really ARE cliques at the school gate and some mothers ARE snobby, what on earth do they judge people on?

[Enid]

I've always thought the idea of cliques was a bit of a nonsense and I am prepared to believe this could be me being slightly paranoid...but I went on dd2's nursery trip out yesterday (to the Sea Life Centre - SOOOOOOOOOOOO nice in the pouring rain ). Dd2 really likes three particular girls and they play nicely at nursery together, but the mothers...were unfriendly to the point of rudeness, cutting me dead and even walking off at one point when I was in the middle of talking to one of them. Dd2 asked if one of them could come to our house to play and I said yes of course, but we will have to ask her mummy - the little girl went to her mum, asked, and came away in tears. 'She's not allowed to play at my house' said dd2 looking mortified.

When I talked to a mum-friend about this she said 'oh so and so is very snobby, she only lets her dd play with my ds now she knows that my dh comes from a well-known family'.

So what am I??? Chopped liver?? How on earth do people come to the conclusion that you are not quite 'good enough' or is this all a figment of my post-baby brain?

does she know who you are???

They probably go on how you dress, accent, weight, car you drive...sigh...

ok

dress: good (I think, not massively boden-ish but always quite fashionable adn clean!)
accent: straightforward London with a hint of posh
weight: well I cannot believe a stone of excess baby weight will matter
car: ok the multipla divides hearts but it is new-ish and dh has a nice posh car

Blimey - sounds a nightmare - the mums at our school/nursery are always very keen to palm their little ones off for a play (as indeed I am).

'Social standing' matters not a jot....just as well really - we'd be pariahs.

In your position, whilst feeling wretched for your dd, I would just move on...that's the problem with cliques - if you're excluded, you're almost driven to form one of your own..

then theyre wankers

what an awful woman

next time Enid, cover up your tattoos, take out your piercings and don't drop your aitches.

oh and you could rethink the Croydon facelift hairdo as well

maybe theyre losers who post on here, theyd never be in your online clique so theyre being nasty to you in RL

God what a cow. Don't let it grind you down, would always be happy for my dd to be invited to anyone's house ( and you sound perfectly lovely)

dont knwo what shes judging you on but maybe it is just the fact she doesnt know you. I am dreading my ds going on playdates as I have a thing about unknown strangers. So will probably appear to be extremely snotty but it is my own insecurities that will probably stop them..however I would be more than willing for other children to come here.

anyway looks cannot matter as the mum in question is fatter, frumpier and less good looking than me [preen]

I am quite fascinated by this though as I have NEVER experienced it before

Are people REALLY snobs? I never believed they existed. I cannot IMAGINE feeling snobby about another perfectly nice mother

still the plus point is that I am more determined than ever not to send the dds to private school

God, are people reeeaaaly like that?! It seems they are but I always thought 'who are these people?'

I'm just astounded tbh that grown women behave in this way! It's pathetic!

Maybe they've all known each other since antenatal classes or their own schooldays or something, or married to 3 brothers, or all in the same coven , or...

Anything that could make them a tight little group not to be infiltrated by anyone else - it could be nothing personal & they're like that with everyone.

Still bloody rude though!

Yes I have always dismissed cliques as paranoia, I chat blithely to anyone and everyone at dd1s school (actually there is one mum I try and avoid but with reason)

apparently dd2s school (dd2 is at the nursery part) is well known for bitchy mothers but again had dismissed that as bolleaux.

yes I am sure they are like it with lots of people

I genuinely wonder what people judge on though

I am terrible for judging people on appearance but have learnt now that often the people I don't like much for that reason end up being my closest friends

What a moo! I feel sorry for her kids, they'll really miss out on meeting a lot of terrific people and having amazing experiences w/a freak like that for a mum.

I'd cut her a wide berth, she's like school in the summertime: no class.

I suspect they are secretly envious of you Enid and show their insecurities in this way.

Snobby mums are a PITA though - our primary school is full of them. Yesterday whilst I was waiting to park in a space to collect ds, the couple who were loading their kids into their car left their buggy/pram thing at the back of the car, baby obviously was moving inside and the thing started to roll, I sounded my horn to get their attention and the mum looked, I pointed to the pram and she looked as if to say "fock orf you commoner" until it dawned on her that her baby was moving then she sort of semi thanked me so I gave her a look that said "whatever you careless inbred"

its the last day today

have realised that dd2 has not been invited to a SINGLE birthday party the whole year she has been there (despite inviting the whole class to hers)

actually she has gone to two but they are friends of ours out of school IYSWIM

some parents send their children to certain schools because it means they don't have to associate with hoi polloi

it's true - I've said it before - and I have met a few people who have totally honestly owned up and said that they didn't want darling Clarissa having to associate with oiks and us common people and would rather she met children from 'similar minded families' (for that read 'similar minted families')

you are probably not allowed because you have not appeared in the Sunday Times Rich List

I know you can rise above this but I do feel sorry for dd2. What horrible people.

lol jammy

I know both those looks

foxy I have heard the same words from people here

but dh runs family business, his family are very well known down here - not minted, but successful and very old Somerset/Dorset

maybe she's not done her homework

That's horrid.

Maybe Enid they know your older dd goes to another school and they kind of can't be bothered with your dd2 because they know she won't be at school with their children eventually.

TBH it would be a reason for me to look elsewhere (especially the parties - poor mite)

I am gobsmacked if it wasn't for mn I would never come across these things...

I never experienced any of this judging and snobbishness at all

I think it must be different now or depend where you live or some other factor

dd1 isn't at that school is she? perhaps she has written you off because dd1 went elsewhere

puddle thats very likely to be true

I would move her, BUT the only other nursery finishes at 12.30 which doesnt work with my job, also the woman that runs it is an old bag