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Original poster

So if there really ARE cliques at the school gate and some mothers ARE snobby, what on earth do they judge people on?

60 replies

Enid · 06/07/2006 11:44

I've always thought the idea of cliques was a bit of a nonsense and I am prepared to believe this could be me being slightly paranoid...but I went on dd2's nursery trip out yesterday (to the Sea Life Centre - SOOOOOOOOOOOO nice in the pouring rain ). Dd2 really likes three particular girls and they play nicely at nursery together, but the mothers...were unfriendly to the point of rudeness, cutting me dead and even walking off at one point when I was in the middle of talking to one of them. Dd2 asked if one of them could come to our house to play and I said yes of course, but we will have to ask her mummy - the little girl went to her mum, asked, and came away in tears. 'She's not allowed to play at my house' said dd2 looking mortified.

When I talked to a mum-friend about this she said 'oh so and so is very snobby, she only lets her dd play with my ds now she knows that my dh comes from a well-known family'.

So what am I??? Chopped liver?? How on earth do people come to the conclusion that you are not quite 'good enough' or is this all a figment of my post-baby brain?

OP posts:
jampots · 06/07/2006 12:06

You dont strike me as being particularly shy Enid so why not simply go and ask the mummy if her dd can come over to play. Make the fucking bitch talk to you

Original poster
Enid · 06/07/2006 12:07

yeah fuck it I am going to ring her

I am going to do it now (have list of mums phone numbers)

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 06/07/2006 12:07

sorry, typing v slow today!

jampots · 06/07/2006 12:08

woohoo - dont forget to drop in the family name too

Original poster
Enid · 06/07/2006 12:08

poo cannot find list and now dd3 has awoken

will ring her later though

OP posts:
Wordsmith · 06/07/2006 12:11

Enid - I'd be tempted to say * them! (and that will probably come out with only 2 s but you know what I mean.) Are they all like that? Horrible old cows. Bit of a shame for your dd though - how old is she? Has she been there long? The party invite thing sounds nasty as well. Perhaps it will change next year. In the meantime rise above it, they're not worth it.

expatinscotland · 06/07/2006 12:11

Want me to go ask her, Enid? I'll put on a nice, sugary sweet Southern accent - the kind that can tell someone to go straight to f*ck under the nicest and most polite of terms, of course.

'Well, wouldn't want to seem rude now - oh, gracious me, no! - and I do so loathe using children as gophers, I mean, that's what caddies are for, darling. Sooo, I figured, 'What's so scary about one mutha talking to anutha ?. . . '

Original poster
Enid · 06/07/2006 12:12

yes I just feel a bit sorry for dd2 as she is desperately sociable ( a bit too desperate tbh)

OP posts:
Wordsmith · 06/07/2006 12:12

Posted before Jampot's post - that's a great idea, out her on the spot.

Wordsmith · 06/07/2006 12:12

... or even put her on the spot!!

LeahE · 06/07/2006 12:13

The mother of one of my sister's friends didn't want her DD associating with my sister until she discovered in passing that her DH worked with my father. Which made us suddenly socially acceptable, apparently.

expatinscotland · 06/07/2006 12:13

DD1 is like that, too, Enid. I'm going to have to send her South - that's Texas for all you Inger-landers - to fix her out.

AllieBongo · 06/07/2006 12:13

they're twats enid. this really pisses me off. how dare they.

puddle · 06/07/2006 12:16

Enid my dd is the same age as yours - I have found the friends thing has suddenly become really important to her. She's desperate to have them over to play.

We have our own problems - dd is september born and all her friends are going to school this year (she goes next). Not to the same school either and I must admit I have noticed a lack of enthusiasm for encouraging their friendships from the other girls' mothers which I put down to this - it's all me doing the running.

Gizmo · 06/07/2006 12:17

Yay! Go Enid!

I really feel for your (and her) poor DD.

To actually display such snobbishness is, of course, the height of vulgarity. I'm sure there's a chapter in Debretts on it somewhere...

jampots · 06/07/2006 12:21

i do think some parents just dont do the having friends over thing. DD has 2 or 3 close friends from a larger group. Yet they always end up at our house (the smallest house and we are the poorest). Ds isnt invited to play very much but his friends want to come to ours too which is fine by me but sometimes he just wants to go somewhere else to play.

BigSister · 06/07/2006 12:27

If I phoned it would only to be to say something along the lines that given the way she had behaved towards you you must have done something to offend her and might you ask what it is... This will put her in a sticky spot.

Then presuming she has no reasonable excuse and there has been no misunderstanding, I would avoid these mothers like the plague. I would prefer to associate with decent people personally...

TinyGang · 06/07/2006 12:30

Anyway you are well known......on mumsnet.

Actually I am shocked that she is a real person - I always thought anyone that snobby must be fictional

joelallie · 06/07/2006 12:43

What blatant rudeness . Pleeeease ring her. Tell her that you thought "there must have been some failure of communication as it sounded as if she'd said that her DD wasn't allowed to play at your house....ho, ho, ho.... Obviously some misunderstanding". That'll put the nasty cow on the spot.... unless there really was some misunderstanding on your DD's part?

No snobs at our school....as far as I know. I'm probably seen as a snob 'cos I listen to classical music in the car whilst dropping kids off, my kids don't drop their Hs or litter I have to say that I often feel left out as I'm not a local born and bred...many of the mums have known each other since they were tiny and I think it's simply easier to spend time together. I have to really try hard if I want to fit in...and TBH I can't be arsed any more. Having said that I've never had an invitation for my kids refused or not reciprocated and they are friendly enough...it just doesn't go any further.

BTW I live in Somerset too and I think that it's not uncommon in ruralish areas for people to have a huge group of friends from childhood. Can make newcomers feel a bit left out.

Earlybird · 06/07/2006 12:44

That's deeply unpleasant Enid!! Did your dd somehow get it wrong/misunderstand as it's so outrageous? I'd either:

  1. Ignore the silly woman, and look for someone nicer to spend time with.

  2. Or, give her the benefit of the doubt, be over the top nice and ask her to come with her dd for a play/cup of tea....seeing as you don't know each other, and understand how completely nervewracking it must be to contemplate sending your child to play at the house of someone you don't know.

What do you think?

MadamePlatypus · 06/07/2006 12:48

Yes Enid, I think the best thing to do is to phone her. You will either find out that she is a complete freak and atleast you will know to avoid her in future or she might turn out to be nice.

A possible scenario that would explain her behaviour would be if there was something going on in one of the coven's personal life that they were trying to discuss which would also mean that she might not be in a mood to organise play dates for her daughter. I know I am grabbing at straws, but when I am really rude to people it usually has nothing to do with them at all.

foxinsocks · 06/07/2006 12:51

is she coming to the end of her year there (or has she got another year?)

I'd be tempted to leave it (esp if dd2 is leaving there after this term) - honestly can't see why it's worth you making the effort with her

Original poster
Enid · 06/07/2006 12:54

have fed dd3 and thought about it

It could well be as dd2 is going to local state primary in another year. Trouble is, like your dd puddle, she is an October birthday and the girls she really likes who ARE going to her primary are starting in Sept, whereas she has another year at nursery.

Am going to ring nice mother whose dd is starting at our state primary in Spet and see if her dd wants to play (even though a year older than dd2). Can't be boethered wsating energy on the otehr girls mum.

OP posts:
Marina · 06/07/2006 12:55

Oh dear enid
I really hope that there was a misinterpretation on the part of your poor dd2. How incredibly rude of the woman. Definitely ring and tell us how you get on.

puddle · 06/07/2006 12:59

I think you're right not to bother but focus energies on building friendships with children she's likely to be at school with.

I am moving dd to a pre-school in Sept which will be hard to juggle with work but worth it becasue she'll be with a group of children who will be going up to school together - am hoping she will make some friends there.

Doesn't help that one of her other (two!!) friends is moving away Just as well all ds's friends adore her!