double barrelled surnames.... can we get away with ours?!

[frazzledfairy]

morning

dp and i are in the middle of a 'discussion' about the surname of ds2, due in sept. ds1 and i have the same surname as dp is not his biological father. i would like my two boys to have the same surname and am rather attached to my surname. unfortunately dp is also rather attached to his surname! (ie doesn't want to change his to mine and ds1's). dp would like the baby to have his surname, well actually dp would like us all to have his surname.

it feels like the only solution is to go double barrelled, doing this would make us the............ boddy-eatons! can we get away with this? or is it too cannibalistic?!

BTW, yes it is blooming annoying trying to fill in forms when you only have a small space for your surname.

I have a double barrelled surname after marriage, as does DD - it's immensely useful when I want to sound impressive and sound like a home counties matron and get people to Do Things For Me. It has never caused me any problems. Doing this only works if you're happy with the way the name sounds though, some names work together and some don't. Not sure about Boddy-Eaton, although I've heard much worse (friends of my bro's double barrelled themselves to Money-Penny)

Seriously, you can actually call yourself what you want, so even if the double barrelled name is on the birth certificate, the child only needs to use one of the other. That's what DD will end up doing I'm sure. Even easier if you don't hyphenate.

It's not double-barrelled because I'm poncy, there are several reasons why I did it and I'm happy I did

Frazzledfairy, I am having exactly the same problem!! Complicated by the fact that dp HATES my ex-dh, and therefore his (and my, and my dds', surname). I am pushing for double-barrelling, the names go together quite well imo, for me and baby. DP will not change his.

I had thought that my dd's would have to keep their original surname though. I thought you needed consent from their natural father to change it, I could be wrong though. Does anyone know for sure?

I would much rather me and all the kids had the double barrel (so we all have the same name) even if DP wants to keep just his. At least we'd all have something in common. But I just know that my ex-dh would not give permission to change their surnames from his!

Really don't know what to do. Suggestions and advice welcome.....

Do what we did, I wanted to keep my maiden name and wanted ds to have my surname as well. So I changed my name to have my surname as a middle name, DS has my surname as an extra middle name and DH is in the process of changing his name by deed poll to have my surname as a middle name!

PMSL TooTicky... "How about an anagram? Toadyboned...Bandydoote...Neddyboato...Beadydonto...
The possibilities are endless! "

My name is nicer and so are my family! But didn't want to go double, so both kids have my surname as a second middle name...although a lot of my friends and family tend to hyphenate the two names as a surname.

We did it mainly cos I want my kids to feel the conection with my parents and their cousins on my side, as we are not very close to DHs side.

Hi I know I'm coming late to this but here's how we sorted out a similar dilemma

I am Ms W Waterwitch. This was my birth name, I didn't change it when I married dh1 - now ex dh -or dh2, who is current and final dh, I hope!

Ds is Y Waterwitch-Ex dh's surname (not the same as mine, I've always been Ms Waterwitch) Ds has Waterwitch as his middle name but he could double barrel it>
DH2 is Mr his name, never changed
DD (who is mine and DH2s daughter) is Miss Z Waterwitch-DH'sSurname double barrelled

So we have 4 different surnames in our house
Mine - mine
Dh - his
ds (mix of mine and dh1s)
dd (mix of mine and dh2s)

and it suits us fine, we all know whose parents are whose and we are most definitely a family.

God knows if you'll understand that, probably not! But we have similar set up, 1 child from one relationship and another from another, with different names. The diff in your case is that you've already got the same surname as your first child.

It's just the two names in question here which are ill-suited to a double-barrel. Ordinarily - at least with lots of surnames - you can make it work. Ds is a double barrel, as dp and I are unmarried, and we didn't want to lose either surname. Luckily for us, it works. In your case, if favouring one over the other, I'd say I prefer Eaton.

Def wise to steer clear of dodgy surname combinations. I used to work with a lady whose surname was Carey-Hock. We all giggled about swapping over the first letters, and then a colleague actually did one day, when answering said woman's phone: "Hello - Lucinda* Hairy Cock's phone."

(* first name change - though not a lot of point really, eh?!)

No it's not just that the two names don't go - this is just So SO NAFF !!!!

Hate it when people make up their own double barreled names - so pretentious and so so NAFF !

Sorry ! But it is

oh goody I'm pretentious and naff
I knew it!

Gavin, interesting you think it's pretentious, because I heard the origins of double-barrelling lie in kids being born out of wedlock in days of yore. Bastard kids. Giving them double-barrel surnames was supposedly a way of identifying their illegitimacy and humiliating them and their families. If this is true, the roots of double-barrelling are hardly pretentious.

And as other posters have indicated, there are lots of valid personal reasons for double-barrelling. For us, we are not and do not intend to be married, but wanted ds to have a surname which reflects that we are both his parents; which unites us as a family. And we have neither posh nor particularly mundane surnames, so the double-barrelling works OK.

Makes sense to us - and no trace of a pretentious motive.

Gavin, why do you think its pretentuos and Naff?

I admit it can sound a bit odd at first but you get used to it, we did consider it but our surnames don't go together. I envy a friend of ours, maiden name Harper so she is now Julie* Harper-Jones.

I like the idea of the whole fmaily having a shared 'family' name and we have spent 6 years going over and over this, double barrled, take one surname, change names entirely.

I do like the idea of a mixture however, we could be Berry!

agree with eggybreadand beans, tis not naff, just two parents who both want to share their name with their child!

anyway........... thanks to all those who replied, was really helpful. talked to dp last night and we are going with his surname as a middle name (thanks hunkermunker!) so ds2 too will be eaton boddy, to be known as boddy. still not ruling out the possibility of one day becoming double barrelled if we get married, since i have been wondering about double barrelled names i have heard of a bowling-green and a savage-pets!!!

ta very much again

I am a double-barrel surname, as are my (ex) husband and my children.

My maiden name is a bit like the second part of my husband's surname. Both start and end with the same letters, just the middle bit different.

The reason my husband has a double barrel surname is that his father died on Christmas Eve when he was 6. He had an older sister and older brother when his father died. When his mum re-married she changed the children's name to the first part of her dead husband (the children's father) and the second part of her new husband. It actually sounds very good together.

The mum and new husband (and their daugther once born) just had the second part.

My ex-h's older sister married and lost her maiden name and my ex-h's older brother had a major falling out with the stepdad and dropped his part of the surname.

My children are now the only ones with this particular surname but it will carry on as I have a son.