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Original poster

double barrelled surnames.... can we get away with ours?!

89 replies

frazzledfairy · 04/07/2006 10:46

morning

dp and i are in the middle of a 'discussion' about the surname of ds2, due in sept. ds1 and i have the same surname as dp is not his biological father. i would like my two boys to have the same surname and am rather attached to my surname. unfortunately dp is also rather attached to his surname! (ie doesn't want to change his to mine and ds1's). dp would like the baby to have his surname, well actually dp would like us all to have his surname.

it feels like the only solution is to go double barrelled, doing this would make us the............ boddy-eatons! can we get away with this? or is it too cannibalistic?!

OP posts:
Caligula · 04/07/2006 14:26

OOps Rhubarb!

Original poster
frazzledfairy · 04/07/2006 18:20

dp doesn't want to change his surname to ours as he is attached to it and i can understand that as too am attached to mine!

boddy is my surname, not sure it would double barrel well with anything tbh!

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 04/07/2006 18:43

We had the same dilemma in that we would have liked to have the same name but our double barrelling would have been hideously long. We thought of blending but dp not keen. I didn't especially want to do the patriarchal thing and take dp's name. In the end we reached a stalemate, and then I said I didn't really care what name we had as long as we all had the same one...

to which dp promptly replied he did not want my name as he didn't like it

That was it, I dug in my heels, and ds and I have my surname while dp has kept his own. If he'd have said he didn't care either way I would have felt a whole lot different.

FrannyandZooey · 04/07/2006 18:46

Oh I wanted to say in hindsight none of it really matters. Modern families are not always straight forward and different family members can have different names, it doesn't matter. I think the important thing is to give the children a say in the matter when they are old enough to understand the issues - an older child may feel unhappy about their family history being ignored by having to take a new name of a step parent for example. Good luck with sorting it out.

nicnack2 · 04/07/2006 18:52

i have not taken my dh name. both dsa have dh name but ds1 has my name just incase he may feel that need to be known by that name, not that i have been doctornating him since birth or anything.

NappiesGalore · 05/07/2006 10:39

my ds's all have dp's surname, with my surname as a second middle name. i would have insisted that they have both surnames as surnames (double barrelled but without the -) BUT dp already has a young son from previous marriage and i wanted he and my children to have the same name, as an equaliser. just to stress to dss that he is as much one of the brothers as the others IYSWIM.

i do feel a little put out, if im totally honest, though that they dont have my surname. i pushed them out afterall!! mind you, i always figured that they/i on their behalf could just adopt the double barrel at anytime.

am sort of planning to get married soonish anyway and i'll do the double name thing then, so maybe i wont be so irked that my kids dont have my (original) name...

i LOVE Boddy Eaton though. absolutely love it. people wont forget it, thats for sure. i say embrace the quirky name!

MaloryTowers · 05/07/2006 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twickersmum · 05/07/2006 11:28

i have a different surname from my dd's as i didn't change my name when we got married, but to keep him happy i agreed that the kids would have his surname.
I put my surname as an extra middle name in dd2's name and am going to do the same for dd1 (didn't think of it at birth), so at least my name is in their name and in their passport etc.. And then when they're older if they choose to double barrel/combine (my name is nicer!), then it is less of a big deal.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 05/07/2006 11:39

change the whole family name to something else. you could either look at your family trees and all adopt a name you have in common (it'll probably be Smith, hence dh and I rejected this approach) or make one up. I know 2 families that have done this - by contracting the two names together instead of going double-barrelled. In your case you could go for Beaton, Boddon, Boton (yuk), Eaddy - you get the idea.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 05/07/2006 11:43

I see Caligula beat me to it. I'm actually warming to the double-barrelled - it's very distinctive. PMSL at Curry-Topping.

Tommy · 05/07/2006 11:56

the DSs have both our names, double barrelled, no hyphen. we tought it would be quite straightforward but I am realising (DS1 starting school in Sept) that actually it is a bit of a PITA as I always have to spell my name (unusual, not English name) say DH's name (common name - splet slightly differently) and explain the no hyphen bit.
We quite often get a hyphen added and one missed out the space so it was just one long word which looked even more silly!

madmarchhare · 05/07/2006 11:56

Baby has DPs name.

You and ds1 keep yours.

Get married eventually and all change to DHs.

The difference wont really matter (if it ever does) until school age...

jasper · 05/07/2006 12:07

You can't be serious?
Perhaps your pg hormones are affecting your sanity?

Greensleeves · 05/07/2006 12:16

I have been giggling about this since yesterday

Sorry to be mean, but....Boddy-Eaton....Eaton-Boddy....

Blu · 05/07/2006 12:29

Interesting that everyone assumes that marriage would automatically lead to a name-change for you all to DP's name!

Blackduck · 05/07/2006 12:32

we combined ours - no hyphen...but it looks like a 'normal' albeit long, surname..

Kelly1978 · 05/07/2006 12:59

lol, go tfor it - boddy eaton.

visions of chandler from friends when I read the post - the bings!

madmarchhare · 05/07/2006 14:55

Norty Blu!, either would do, turn of phrase and all that.

liquidclocks · 05/07/2006 15:31

DP could change his name if it means that much to him...

cat64 · 05/07/2006 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jasper · 06/07/2006 00:19

here here cat!

Original poster
frazzledfairy · 06/07/2006 09:07

oh lawks, i don't know! dp has been away with work since mon and back today so we are going to talk about it tonight and (hopefully) reach a conclusion. hoping he will go for the his surname as middle name option.

also realised last night that double barreling would give ds1 (who already has a family surname as a middle name) an extremely long name, without giving the whole thing away it would be *** armstrong eaton boddy, hmmmmm!

OP posts:
OzJo · 06/07/2006 09:47

I'm a short, Dp's an archer, so double barelled would have sounded like a small bowman, or one man down on the archery squad! The kids have Dps sirname, I hang onto mine, but I'm not that attatched to it, so it wasn't really an issue for us. Good luck!

3catstoo · 06/07/2006 10:07

Change all to DPs.

It's so confusing having different names.

A girl in my DSs class has a different name to her Mum and her brother has another different name. 2 fathers and never married. How confusing is that for the children (and the rest of us). As long as you know what you are/were biologically changing a name shouldn't be too big a deal.

How does your eldest feel about it?

My Mum remarried when I was 14 (my Dad died when I was younger). There was no way I was changing my name to the same as hers and new hubby (as much as I liked him I was still missing my Daddy very much and didn't want to let go.)
It was always strange bringing letters home to my Mum with the wrong surname on. She didn't inform the school of her new name.

Good luck with that one.

Not easy if your easy if your eldest is a teenager like I was.

Squirrel3 · 06/07/2006 10:13

I have a double barreled surname and it causes so many problems. People tend to think the first part of my surname is my Christian name and the latter my surname.

People always ask "Can you spell that for me?" and when you get to the hypen they frantically look around the keyboard for it, I usualy point to it (or they don't know what a hyphen is).

I have even had someone ask me to spell my name and when I spelt the first bit then said "hyphen" they have replied "And how do you spell that?" PMSL

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