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Original poster

Ante-natal appointments - did your Partner/DH go to every one?

62 replies

Gingerbear · 03/07/2006 08:04

I have been pulling the leg of a male work colleague for taking time off to attend his wife's ante-natal appointments. Hospital appointments and scans, fair enough, but I thought it was strange that he felt it necessary to go to the local doctor's surgery with his wife to see the midwife for routine wee test and general check. But yesterday at a party, my pregnant friend said that her DH had attended every appointment and others nodded saying their OH's did too.

My DH was working and never came to the midwife with me at the local surgery. He came with me for hospital appointments.
I cannot recall sitting in the waiting room and seeing other women waiting with their partners.
Has the law changed in the last 4 years? Do men now get time off too for ante-natal appointments?

OP posts:
Pruni · 03/07/2006 08:05

Message withdrawn

trinityrhino · 03/07/2006 08:08

mine cameto hospials apps or scans when he could (he's in the navy)which was none with my first pg and most with my 2nd
he's been to the dating scan wih me this time aswell

Miaou · 03/07/2006 08:08

Don't know about the law gb, but dh came with me to most of my appointments with the midwife with all three kids as well as hosp. appointments. Never had trouble getting off work but was either self-employed or working for the family firm at the time.

Blu · 03/07/2006 08:12

Booking in and scans. Routine mw, appts, no. never crossed our minds - even though he was 'in training' to be an active birth partner for a home birth, came to all the NCT classes etc.

Original poster
Gingerbear · 03/07/2006 08:16

Fathers do not have a legal right to time off - I found a DTI booklet here

OP posts:
moondog · 03/07/2006 08:16

God,would have cringed had my dh wanted to come to routine appointments.
How wet!!!

BagelBird · 03/07/2006 08:17

Mine came to first few an appts, all scans etc for DD1, only scans and home visit for DD2. As he is self emplyed though I guess we were more flexible. My BIL attended every single appt for my sister and his work never questioned it. He works really hard, wasn?t skiving, felt it important to attend and support my sister (anxious first time mum with previous complications).
I think it is great that it is becoming more normal for dads to be to attend and that workplaces are being understanding about it. I think it probably has shifted in the last few years, certainly, for my DD1 (5 yrs) there were very few DHs about but with DD2 there was about 50% accomp their partners. My sister said that more accomp than didn?t.

Lemmingswife · 03/07/2006 08:18

Mine came to the odd scan, but that was about it!
He had no intention of being at the births of either boys, as he is too squimish, so he did not come along to any ante natal classes.

nzshar · 03/07/2006 08:19

my dp came to the first appointment and all scans as well as some specialist appointments i had but no not every single one. If he had he would have taken a lot of time off unpaid and we couldnt have afforded that.

BagelBird · 03/07/2006 08:20

Moondog!!! It is not wet. Be fair, having a baby is a big deal for dads too and they are just as anxious to hear that heart beat and discuss their concerns/hear about the progress first hand as the mum to be.
I think it is ideas such as yours that has been keeping the dads to be out of the loop for long enough. Harks back to the idea that blokes should stay out of the delivery room and never change a nappy etc.
If my man wanted to attend all appts I would be delighted that he was showing such commitment and a keen interest in our baby - how on earth can that be seen as wet ??

Original poster
Gingerbear · 03/07/2006 08:21

I can understand the father being there if there are complications with the pregnancy.

OP posts:
LeahE · 03/07/2006 08:23

DH came to scans but not any of the others. There wasn't really much of any interest going on at them, anyway.

moondog · 03/07/2006 08:23

I'd rather my dh being a caveman and looking after us in other ways than sitting clutching antenatal notes and asking daft questions.
He wasn't there for ds's birth either,and i don't regret it one bit.

I hate all this emasculation of men.One day we'll all wake up and find we don't fancy them anyomre,as they will basically be women with a penis,and it will be all our fault!!!!

Flamesparrow · 03/07/2006 08:34

Scans, and one appointment because I decided that since we would hopefully having this woman in our home delivering our baby, it might be nice if he met her first... It was a good thing too - I fell over outside the clinic that day and needed support to get in there!!

FioFio · 03/07/2006 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SenoraPostrophe · 03/07/2006 09:09

no, mine didn't come to any.

geekgrrl · 03/07/2006 09:12

bet it's a 'precious firstborn' thing.

With the third you're lucky if anyone comes to the 20 week scan with you.

Must say, I feel like moondog on this.

edam · 03/07/2006 09:17

Dh came to the scans, not to midwife appointments. Wouldn't have wanted him there for them, felt like a private medical thingy. Glad he was at the scans though - felt important that we both got to see our baby, especially as right from the off we knew there was a real risk of abnormalities so a. I needed his support in case we got bad news and b. he needed to be there to see for himself that everything was OK.

But if other people want their dh there, don't see anything wrong with it. What's emasculating about it?

flutterbee · 03/07/2006 09:19

Dh came to the scans, consultants appointments, the glucoze test and a few appointments.

The scans and the consultants he wanted to come to, the glucoze test he was forced to come to becuase I knew how bloody boring it would be sat there for hours on my own and the last few appointments he had to come to because I could hardly walk with SPD, Oh and then when my waters broke at 30 weeks I was in and out of hospital like no mans business and he came everytime.

His work was really understanding and actually allow fathers paid time of once during each trimester to go to appointments.

For the next one if everything is straight forward then I expect it will be the scans and possibly the first time we can here the heartbeat. other than that I don't think either of us is bothered.

Miaou · 03/07/2006 09:22

Dh also came with me to the FPC when I had my coil fitted (to hold my hand ) - his attitude is that although it is something being done to me it is a joint decision that affects us both. FPC staff were slightly surprised (but in a pleasant way!)

Moondog lol at my dh being wet - he is built like a brick outhouse and you wouldn't want to get in a fight with him

flutterbee · 03/07/2006 09:23

I expect some people would prefer it if the dads did nothing but dicipline the children, no hugs, no kisses because thats all very airy fairy and making them behave like women.

Men should be men, work all day go to the working mans club at night, have his dinner on the table when he wants it and beat the children when there bad. Anything less and they will just become women with a penis.....Jeeeeez get a life.

Munz · 03/07/2006 09:24

na, DH came to the booking in apt, the 2 scan and I think one anti natal in the office. he said he felt like a spare part - althou in his defence he was away for pretty much the whole of the last 2 months of my PG so couldn't get time off if he wanted to.

expatinscotland · 03/07/2006 09:29

No. Mine missed the scans and all the appointments. The first time, he had to work. The second, he was looking after the 2-year-old.

Nemo1977 · 03/07/2006 09:33

When I was having DS dh came to all the appointments however he was a phd student so could get the time off etc. When having DD he came to some of them as he worked shifts so was available when some where booked. This time if he has the time then he will either have to come with me and watch the littlies or he will have them at home. Although he does come to the scans.

TheBlonde · 03/07/2006 09:34

Mine came to the scans and to see the consultant